WWE Velocity
Target Center
Minneapolis, MN
September 14, 2002
Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Michael Cole
Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel
Last week's Smackdown had Brock Lesnar screw with not only The Undertaker but his pregnant wife Sara as well. Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit can't get along and will duke it out at Unforgiven. Eddie and Chavo Guerrero are back together with Benoit busy with Angle. Lots going on around Smackdown's roster these days so let's get to tonight's Velocity. Mark hypes up tonight's main event of Tajiri and Jamie Noble taking on Crash Holly and The Hurricane.
Match 1
Reverend D-Von vs Shannon Moore
D'Von is grumpy lately after losing the services of Batista while Shannon has been making his name as an upstart cruiserweight. D'von pounds away with forearms at the bell and a big right hand. D'Von punches chokes him in the corner as Cole says a lot of people are saying Batista was responsible for D'Von's success. Moore hits an armdrag and a heel kick before sliding under D'Von. Moore hits a frankensteiner and covers for 1..2...no. D'Von hits a powerslam and kicks away at Moore and Lloyd starts babbling about Paul Heyman. D'Von snap mares Moore and hits a rolling neckbreaker. D'Von covers for a deuce as Cole babbles on about Undertaker and Sara. D'Von drops a knee and puts another chinlock on. D'Von hits a knee to the ribs on Moore and kicks away at him. D'Von punches away at Moore but misses a charge in the corner. Moore gets clotheslined out of mid-air to a nice pop as D'Von starts untying the turnbuckle. While referee Mike Sparks is busy tying it back up, Moore hits a backslide. Sparks turns around for a one count as D'Von hits a sidewalk slam. D'Von misses the top rope headbutt and Moore hits a flying chop. Moore hits a second rope moonsault for 1...2...no. Moore hits a running neckbreaker and covers for a deuce. Moore sends D'Von in the corner, ducks the line and hits a top rope moonsault. Moore covers for 1.2....noooo. D'Von pulls the tunbuckle off and launches Moore face first into it. D'Von hits Saving Grace and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. D'Von cheats to win but he still wins. The announcers were on to something that D'Von on his own just isn't getting it done. Just a matter of time until the office realizes it too. Decent cat and mouse match but nothing special.
Time of match: 5:28
Winner: D'Von by pinfall
Before we go to break, we get hype graphics for not only our main event, but our next match featuring Randy Orton and Billy Kidman. Back from break, our boot of the week is actually Chris Benoit taking the stinkface from Rikishi and Kurt Angle laughing at him. Not exactly a boot but it was memorable. On to the next match.
Match 2
Randy Orton vs Billy Kidman
A rare face vs face encounter is rare for Velocity but here we go. Bell's gone and they chain wrestle to start. Kidman gets a hammerlock and a headlock takeover. Kidman ducks the line and Orton gets headscissors. Orton rolls him up for a deuce and drops him with a shoulderblock. Orton and Kidman trade arm drags and the fans cheer both guys. Kidman dropkicks Orton and covers for 1..2....no. Kidman gets a forearm to the face and Orton hits the backbreaker. Orton covers for 1...2...no. Cole starts babbling about Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit with Orton locking in the arm-bar. Kidman fights his way out of it but runs right into a dropkick. Orton covers for a deuce then Kidman punches his way back. Kidman hits a frankensteiner and covers for 1...2...no. Kidman kicks Orton in the head but runs into the powerslam for 1...2....no. Kidman gets the enziguiri and covers for 1..2...no, Mark tells Cole this is a good match and Cole totally ignores him to talk about Edge, Eddie Guerrero and Chavo Guerrero's stinkface situation. Orton hits a top rope bulldog and covers for 1...2..no. That spot stopped Cole dead in his tracks and Orton hits the flying crossbody for 1..2...nooooo. Orton goes for a powerbomb and Kidman counters with an X-Factor, covering for 1..2....noooo. Kidman goes for the Seven Year Itch but Orton stops him with a right hand. Kidman shoves Orton off and hits the missile dropkick, covering for 1..2....nooooo. Orton kicks Kidman in the ribs, hits Overdrive and covers for 1..2....3 to win the match. That was one of the best Velocity matches of the year, no hyperbole. Lloyd says there were no losers in this one as both put on a great show. He's right for once.
Time of match: 5:29
Winner: Orton by pinfall
We get a graphic for our main event coming up along with Funaki taking on Albert next before break. Back from commercial, its time for the recap. Its the Billy & Chuck wedding and we all knows what happened. Billy and Chuck say its a publicity stunt gone on too long, Eric Bischoff reveals himself to be the wedding justice, and 3 Minute Warning with Rico lay waste to Billy, Chuck and Stephanie McMahon. It was a great reveal even if it was totally tasteless. On to the next match.
Match 3
Funaki vs Albert
Looks like Albert is never getting off this show. Cole laughs at Albert losing to Kidman last week so he's due for a win. Funaki has a microphone and Cole gives him a round applause. Funaki says "This is Funaki....SMACKDOWN NUMBA WUN ANNOUNCA!" Funaki says Albert should have more fun because you can't spell Funaki without fun. Albert plays cat and mouse at the bell, heaving Funaki in the corner with him sticking and moving. Funaki's forearm does nothing but Albert shoulderblocks him down. Albert gorilla presses Funaki and covers for 1..2...no. Cole and Lloyd babble on about the gay wedding that didn't happen as Albert pounds away at Funaki. Albert knees Funaki down as the crowd chants "Shave your back". Albert taunts the crowd as Funaki gets a thumb to the eye. Funaki grabs the hair on Albert's chest and back and Albert sells it. Albert sends Funaki in the corner but misses the charge. Funaki goes for the sunset flip and referee Jimmy Korderas kicks Albert's hand off the rope. Funaki's up and over misses as Albert hits a backbreaker and a stomach breaker combo. Albert covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. The match lasted about 3 minutes and the announcers babbled on about anything but the match for nearly the entirety. Albert beats poor Funaki but wait! Funaki grabs a mic after the mic and declares he's okay, he's still here to have fun. Albert comes back and slingshots him throat first onto the second rope. So much for having fun.
Time of match: 2:42
Winner: Albert by pinfall
The graphic shows our main event is up next as we got to break. Back from commercial we're shown The Undertaker and Matt Hardy's match where Brock Lesnar broke into Taker's locker room to harass Sara. Lesnar attacked Taker and got in Sara's face. After that, its on to our main event.
Match 4
The Hurricane and Crash Holly vs Tajiri and Jamie Noble (with Nidia)
Smackdown's newest member Crash teams with Hurricane in this one. Unfortunately for Crash, any reunion with Hardcore Holly ended with Hardcore breaking his neck on Smackdown. Tajiri and Hurricane start with Hurricane gets an arm-drag takedown, and a shoulderblock. Hurricane poses and Tajiri kicks him in the head. Hurricane puts Tajiri in the tree of woe and stands on his nutsack, ow. Hurricane rams Noble's head into the gonads and sends him out of the ring. Crash tags in for a double suplex but Tajiri tags out to Noble. Jamie slaps Crash and Crash chases him out of the ring where Noble uses Nidia as a shield. Tajiri nails Crash from behind and Noble sends him into the steel steps. Noble sends Crash inside as Cole babbles on and on about The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. Vince McMahon can officially kiss my foot. Noble poses for the irate crowd and Tajiri tags in with a kick to the ribs. Tajiri hits the tarantula and Crash is bleeding from the mouth. Noble and Tajiri do a double stomach breaker and Noble covers for 1...2..no, Hurricane breaks it up. Crash is sent through the ropes to the outside but throws Noble into the side of the ring. Crash sunset flips in but Jamie tags out to Tajiri. Tajiri kicks Crash in the back and ties him up in the tree of row. Tajiri hits a baseball slide and locks in a chinlock. Crash powers out of it and walks into a martial arts kick. Tajiri misses the springboard elbow but a double clothesline drops both of them. Crash gets the hot tag to Hurricane and so does Noble. Hurricane cleans house of Noble and hits a neckbreaker, covering for 1...2...no. Tajiri's charge eats boot and Hurricane hits a blockbuster. Hurricane superkicks Tajiri but his Eye of The Hurricane is blocked. Tajiri kicks Hurricane in the head and Noble knocks Crash off the apron. Noble hits northern lights for 1..2....no. Tajiri tags in but Crash makes the blind tag. Tajiri hits the Buzz Kick to Hurricane but Crash hits the top rope crossbody for 1...2...no, Noble makes the save. Hurricane backdrops Noble out of the ring and Hurricane slingshots himself out onto him. Crash ducks the buzzkick and hits the Styles Clash on Tajiri for 1.2...3 to win the match. Jesus, Crash did it years before Styles did. Good match and it protects Jamie since he didn't take the fall.
Time of match: 6:26
Winners: Crash and Hurricane by pinfall
We sign off here and that was one of the best Velocity's of the year. Orton vs Kidman was one of the best matches on Velocity and the tag match was damn good. Albert killing Funaki was probably the lone bore but he needed a win anyway. Things were heating up on Smackdown with just one week to go before Unforgiven. The next show after this is Raw's house show tomorrow in Laramie, Wyoming. I'll see you there.
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