WWE Smackdown (9/12/02)

WWE Smackdown

Target Center

Minneapolis, MN

September 12, 2002

Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

As if Raw on Monday wasn't bad enough with their "HLA" stunt, tonight's the night of the wedding between Billy & Chuck. Say what you will, it garnered legit publicity in the New York Post, New York Times and even daytime talk shows. GLADD sent their support as well....so why I don't I trust it? The sad part is we got some great action last week with the main event between Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero against Rikishi, Edge and The Undertaker. Angle and Benoit can't get along while Brock Lesnar is locked into defending the WWE Championship at Unforgiven against The Undertaker. Let's get this infamous night started.

We open with a wedding invitation for Billy & Chuck...lovely. Then we get a vignette for Brock vs Taker, now that's more like it. After our intro, Michael Cole says tonight's main event will be a rematch from Summerslam, Rey Mysterio Jr vs Kurt Angle. We don't waste any time, we go to our first match.

Match 1

Hardcore Holly vs Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)

Non-title match as shoot interviews claimed this was a highly anticipated match behind the scenes because Holly reportedly hated rookies. This was no ordinary rookie though. They go nose to nose to start and they slug it out for real to start. Lesnar hits an overhead suplex and gets in a front headlock until Holly makes it to the ropes. Lesnar warms up and gets a knee to the ribs, but Holly bumrushes him to the outside and they slug it out again. Lesnar puts the boots to Holly and hits a really stiff forearm. Brock drives Holly into the ring post and hits an overhead suplex on the floor. Brock rolls Holly in and covers for a deuce. The crowd chants for Lesnar (whoops!) as Tazz says this is Brock's backyard since he wrestled for Minnesota University. Holly hits Brock for real with a forearm to the head but Lesnar clotheslines him down. Heyman "That's why he is the champion!" Lesnar hits a delayed vertical suplex and forearms Holly in the back. Holly battles back with right hands but Lesnar shoulderblocks him into the corner then locks in a bearhug. Cole says the same bearhug put Hulk Hogan out of action a month ago but Holly fights out of it. Brock then hits a back suplex and covers for 1...2...no. Brock shoulderblocks Holly in the corner but a charge eats boot. A second charge eats boot and Holly goes for a missile dropkick, missing it. Brock hits a backbreaker and goes for the F-5 but Holly lands on his feet. Brock goes for a powerbomb but Holly famously sandbags it, causing Brock to drop him on his head. Referee Jimmy Korderas checks on Holly and he's legit hurt. Lesnar goes for another powerbomb but somehow Holly rolls out of it, ducks the line and hits a dropkick. Holly gets the kick to the gonads but Lesnar goes for another suplex but Holly does a Peterson Roll for 1...2...no. Holly tells Lesnar he's fucked so Brock literally just grabs him and hits the F-5 as gently as he can. Lesnar covers for 1..2...3 to win the match. Say what you will about Holly being a bully, he was legit tough guy to finish the match with a broken neck. Holly would be out for over a year and to his credit, he never blamed anyone but himself for sandbagging the powerbomb. Match was okay too.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Lesnar by pinfall

The Undertaker is here walking down some stairs...with pregnant Sara in tow. Oh no, we have to be graced by her presence again? Back from break, its on to the next match.

Match 2

Eddie and Chavo Guerrero Jr vs Edge and John Cena

This match stems from last week when Eddie was abandoned by Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit leaving him to be humiliated by Edge, Taker and Rikishi. Now Eddie has sought out his nephew Chavo to take Edge on. Eddie bumrushes Edge at the bell while Chavo knocks Cena off the apron. Edge hits the electric chair drop on Eddie and a flapjack on Chavo. Edge clotheslines Chavo over the top rope as Tazz points out Cena's tights are Minnesota Vikings colors. I'm sure Daunte Culpepper approves. Cena clotheslines Eddie as Edge leaves then Eddie goes to leave. Cena pulls him up by his hair and goes to suplex him back in the ring. Eddie rolls out of it and gets a knee to the ribs before applying a top wristlock. Chavo grabs the other wrist and Cena powerlifts both of them into armdrags. Edge runs in and hits a double clothesline but Chavo pulls the top rope down to shitcan Cena. The Guereros double team Cena outside then Chavo gets CEna inside. Chavo kicks Cena and hits a short clothesline. The Guerreros isolate Cena in the corner but Eddie runs into a gorilla press slam. Cena goes for a second one but Chavo hits a chopblock. Cena gets the tag to Edge and he cleans house of Chavo and superkicks Eddie. Edge goes for the spear but Eddie drags him nut first into the ringpost. Tazz says he doesn't think Edge is wearing and cup and Cole should know. Cole ignores him as the Guerreros isolate Edge in the corner. Eddie maniacally pounds away on Edge and suplexes him. Eddie covers for a deuce and does a second rope armdrag. He covers for two as Chavo tags in to stomp away on Edge. Chavo gets faceplanted and Eddie tags in. Cena gets the hot tag and he cleans house of both Guerreros. Cena hits a tilt-a-whirl slam as Edge comes off the top with a clothesline on Chavo. Edge spears Chavo in the corner but eats ringpost when Eddie moves. Cena goes to suplex Chavo but Eddie punches him, causing Chavo to hit the brainbuster. Eddie goes up to the top and hits the frog splash, he covers for 1..2...3 to win the match. Good match with the right ending as Eddie needed some heat back after last week.

Time of match: 7:04

Winners: The Guerreros by pinfall

After the match Chavo says he'll give Edge the stinkface. He pulls his tights down and Eddie goes to ram Edge into Chavo's ass, but Edge punches him in the nuts and puts Eddie's face in it instead. Chavo goes "yeahhhh" until he turns around and sees Edge standing. Chavo tries to go after him with his pants down and falls down. Eddie spazzes out int he ring as Chavo tries not to laugh. Edge and Cena laugh at the entrance way as we cut to commercial. Back from break, Eddie freaks out on Chavo calling him an asshole in Spanish before saying Chavo didn't even wipe. Eddie says he's gonna kick his ass as Chavo pleads for forgiveness.

We cut to Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd knocking on The Undertaker's door. Mark asks what Sara is doing here and Taker says she's got friends and family in Minneapolis. Mark gets shoved aside by Matt Hardy who congratulates Sara being pregnant and him for having a "little Undertaker" running around. Matt says he's going to have Matt Hardy V2 and Taker says to have this conversation some other time. Matt refuses to go away and wants to see Sara, Taker throws him against the wall. Matt says he needs a Mattitude Adjustment.

We cut to Rico who can't get two grooms on the cake and barges in to Stephanie McMahon's office. He begs Stephanie to attend the wedding and she says she has bad luck at weddings (ha!). Rico says its not okay, he says the flowers haven't arrived, he's freaking out. He needs Stephanie as a witness since this means everything to him. Stephanie finally agrees to do it as we go to commercial. Back from break, its on to the next match as Kurt Angle makes his entrance. He grabs a mic as Tazz sings America The Beautiful horribly. Kurt says its appropriate that in "Minny" he's facing Rey Mysterio. He calls Rey short and that's funnier than him getting a stinkface last week. Angle says what he's about to do to Rey won't be funny since the fans should be wearing masks themselves. Angle tells Chris Benoit if he laughs at him again they'll be two holy unions tonight, Billy & Chuck and Chris' face & Kurt's fist. He tells Rey he's a boy in a man's world and he's a man that loves to play with boys. Kurt catches himself and the crowd gives him the business. Rey is only 6 years younger than Kurt which makes this even funnier. Kurt says "You're a boy, and I'm a man, and i'm gonna get on top of you....NO! WAIT!" He throws the mic down in disgust....ha! As if you didn't get enough HLA on Monday, Tazz and Cole laugh at it during Rey's entrance and say it was a cheap ratings ploy. Cole "I don't even watch Raw". Uh uh....Tazz says you won't find that here, only quality programming. Again...uh huh.

Match 3

Kurt Angle vs Rey Mysterio Jr

The big rematch from Summerslam which stole the show immediately off the bat. This won't be as epic but fun anyway. They stare down to start and Kurt tells him to bring it. Kurt hits a Taz plex followed by a single leg takedown. Kurt spins into a front headlock then spins behind to slap Rey's head. Kurt goes for the arm-drag but Rey counters with one of his own and a fireman's carry. Kurt shoves Rey on his ass and Rey slaps him in return. Rey wins a game of cat and mouse by having Kurt throw himself out of the ring. Rey hits the tilt-a-whirl headscissors and goes up and over to cause Kurt to eat ringpost. Rey hits a double springboard moonsault for 1..2....no. Rey sunset flips Angle for a two count but Kurt hits a huge released german suplex. Kurt stomps on Rey in the corner and hits a backbreaker. Kurt hits a another one and covers for 1....2....no. Rey slides out of a suplex and hits a spinning heel kick. Rey runs into an overhead belly to belly suplex and covers for 1....2...no. Kurt applies a body scissors but Rey Peterson rolls into 1..2...no. Angle hits two straight german suplexes but Rey turns the third attempt into a bulldog. Kurt's charge in the corner eats boot and Mysterio slides under him to mule kick Angle into the corner. Rey is thrown to the top rope where he hits a moonsault for 1...2....NOOOOO. Rey crossbodies himself and Kurt over the top rope then hits a corkscrew plancha. Rey rolls Angle in and hits a springboard leg drop. He covers for 1...2...no. Kurt applies the anklelock but Rey kicks him off. Rey drops Angle on the second rope and hits the 619. Rey goes for the West Coast Pop but Angle ducks under it. Kurt turns around into a hurricarana and Rey covers for 1...2...no. Rey goes up to the top rope but Angle runs up the ropes to hit a top rope Angle Slam. Kurt covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Fans in the front row stand up and clap as Taz says find me anyone that's better than Kurt in the ring. As I expected, not as epic as Summerslam but DAMN good. If it wasn't for the stupid wedding, this show would be remembered for the great action so far.

Time of match: 8:26

Winner: Angle by pinfall

A black limo shows up and a security guard says its for the wedding party. Then we get a graphic for Chris Benoit vs Rikishi next. Back from break, its on to the next match.

Match 4

Rikishi vs Chris Benoit

This match stems from Rikishi getting beat up by Benoit and Guerrero two weeks ago and them being on opposite sides of last week's six man tag. Benoit wastes no time and attacks at the bell but Rikishi drops him with a forearm. Cole has to explain what a salvo is to Tazz as Benoit headbutts Rikishi. Rikishi hits the sitdown spinebuster and Benoit lowblows Rikishi. Chris chops Rikishi down and covers for 1..2...no. Benoit immediately goes for the crossface but Rikishi is off to his side. Rikishi gets to his knees and then gets to his feet. Benoit runs into a face plant and Rikishi drags him to the corner. Rikishi goes for the banzai drop but Benoit stops him with forearms to the back. Benoit somehow hits an electric chair drop and calls for the diving headbutt. Benoit goes up to the top rope but here comes Kurt Angle. Kurt throws him off the top and referee Jimmy Korderas calls for the bell. Things were just starting to get good too.

Time of match: 3:05

Winner: Benoit by DQ

Post-match Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Rikishi and gets superkicked by him instead. Rikishi hits an avalanche in the corner to drop Benoit. Rikishi goes for a stinkface and Angle holds Benoit's arms so he can't block it. Rikishi hits it and Angle runs off laughing saying "Who's laughing now!" Benoit chases Angle away as Rikishi raises the roof in the ring as we go to break.

Back from break the ring crew are setting up for the wedding. Tazz says its 2002 and this is cool and cutting edge. Backstage Benoit is in Stephanie's office and wants Angle at Unforgiven. Matt Hardy interrupts and he wants to talk to Stephanie as well. Stephanie tells Matt to wait and tells Benoit he's got his match with Angle. Chris smiles and says Angle will feel his pain as he leaves. Matt wants The Undertaker and Stephanie says he's already got Brock Lesnar at Unforgiven. Matt says he wants Taker TONIGHT. Stephanie says sure and sarcastically tells him to show him the "Mattitude". Matt guarantees victory. Now its time for the wedding. 

Wedding Ceremony

Rico comes out and complains about the singers' dresses and the old Justice of The Peace. He bitches about absolutely everything and says "I got a headache the size of long island". We cut to break and when we come back, the singers go into a rendition of "Its Raining Men" for Chuck Palumbo and Billy Gunn to head to the ring to. That, along with Stephanie's entrance is edited off Peacock so if you don't have the original broadcast, you go from Rico's headache to the Justice of the Peace saying we're gathered here tonight to witness a pledge of commitment. Justice says Billy and Chuck have their own vows. Chuck says he wanted to be in a tag team with "Mr. Ass" and Billy captured tag team gold, now he's captured Chuck's heart. The crowd boos as Billy says "Damn that was corny, even for you." Billy says Chuck is special and wants him to be his tag team partner permanently. He puts the ring's on Chuck's finger as the crowd boos again. Rico says that was wonderful and now we get a video package called Our Love Story. Its basically their titantron mixed with comedy moments which actually does work if this was a real wedding. Rico says that was exquisite and says let's hear it for Billy & Chuck and the crowd boos. Justice says if anyone objects, speak now. 

THE GODFATHER of all people comes to the ring with Minnesota's finest ho's. Hahahahahaha!!!!! Godfather says Billy Gunn used to be a valued customer and "the cookies were giving up too much free nookies" and Chuck was a legendary skirt chaser. Chuck liked the heftier girls and Billy laughs at him for it. Godfather "what in the hiz-hell is going on here?" Rico "You just hold on a minute there buddy!" Rico isn't having it and sends Godfather and his ho's away. Godfather says they don't know what they're missing when they miss out on riding the ho train as they leave. Cole playfully tells Tazz to stay where he is and not follow Godfather. Rico in the ring says to go ahead to the end. 

Justice asks Billy if he pledges himself to Chuck and Billy says yes. Chuck looks like he's having cold feet and says "Ricooooooo". Rico says to trust him and just do it. Chuck says yes as Stephanie looks like she wants to be anywhere else. Justice goes to pronounce them but Billy and Chuck stop it. Chuck says it wasn't supposed to go this far. Billy finally admits this was a publicity stunt and they're not actually gay. Billy says the obligatory "we got nothing against gays" line and the crowd finally cheers. Rico is irate and Billy says if he was gay, he still wouldn't marry Chuck. Palumbo himself laughs at that as Billy says the Justice pronounces NOTHING. Rico knew they'd back out at the last second and all his work was for nothing. They're screwing everything up. Justice then stops the arguing and says he's been a justice for a long time and there's one thing he knows. A commitment is a special thing and a bond like theirs is sacred. That will never change and it doesn't matter if it lasts fifty years.....sixteen months...or three minutes. Justice then says in his normal voice which we can clearly recognize "Wait a minute, did I just say....THREE MINUTES?? The justice then rips off his mask, wig and glasses revealing himself to be ERIC BISCHOFF. The crowd explodes in cheers as this was a damn good reveal, no one saw it coming. Rico kicks Billy in the junk and Eric holds Stephanie in the corner. Sure enough, here comes Jamal and Rosey for the beatdown. Jamal hits the samoan drop on Chuck and Rosey avalanches Billy in the corner. Eric throws Stepahnie to Jamal who hits the Samoan drop on her too to massive cheers. Rico holds Stephanie down for the top rope splash but here comes Edge, Cena and Mysterio to chase off 3 Minute Warning, Rico and Bischoff away into the crowd. Kurt Angle rushes to the ring to check on Stephanie (naturally) as The Hurricane, Reverend D'Von, Eddie, Chavo and Shannon Moore run out as well. Cole "Eric Bischoff has sabotaged Smackdown!" as we go to break.

Back from break we get the Unforgiven theme song, Adrenaline off the XXX soundtrack (the Vin Diesel movie, not a porno) and a highlight of just the beatdown. Now the best part about this is the real gay rights activist group GLAAD sent a gravy boat to the WWE for the wedding. Then they went to the press and ripped WWE apart for this publicity stunt....what were they expecting? Ironically, the stupid thing wasn't even the gay wedding, Rico's turn or the Samoan beatdown, it was the lockeroom emptying to save Stephanie. Eddie wanted to kill Chavo a half hour ago and no doubt is still mad at Edge as well....but oh no, Stephanie is down! Its one thing if it was just the babyfaces but Eddie, Chavo and Kurt running in to help didn't make sense. On to the next match.

Match 5

Torrie Wilson vs Nidia

Impeccable timing to have divas come out after a botched gay wedding. Last month Jamie Noble interfered to help Nidia beat Torrie in a one on one match and he's been banned from ringside for this one. Wilson knocks Nidia off the apron before the bell even rings and chops her chest. Torrie throws Nidia in but Nidia wisely clotheslines her down. Nidia covers for 1..2...no. Nidia gets kicked and slammed by Torrie. Torrie covers for a deuce but Nidia hits a jawbreaker. The announcers inexplicably babble about the wedding beatdown which is obviously under orders from Vince because it was out of nowhere. Nidia throws Torrie in the corner but Torrie jumps over her instead of doing an up and over. Wilson hits a neckbreaker and covers for 1.2.....3 to win the match. That was sudden....no wonder the announcers had to bring up the wedding, the match was almost over. Kind of pointless but they needed SOMETHING to transition out of the wedding angle.

Time of match: 1:42

Winner: Wilson by pinfall

Literally one second after the pinfall, to show how pointless that match was, we cut to Undertaker with Sara in the back. Taker says he'll be right back and it won't take long. Matt Hardy knocks on Brock Lesnar's door and apparently he's recruited Brock and Heyman to help him out. Look out Taker! Back from break its time for the next match.

Match 6

The Undertaker vs Matt Hardy (with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman)

Now it makes sense why Matt guaranteed victory, he somehow got Lesnar and Heyman to be in his corner. Cole says Taker needs eyes in the back of his head as the bell rings. Heyman hops up on the apron and then throws a chair in the ring. What the hell is he doing? Taker throws Hardy down and clubs away with elbows in the corner. Lesnar warms up outside as Taker hits a powerslam on Mattitude. Taker taunt Lesnar and calls for the Last Ride. Heyman hops up on the apron and referee Mike Chioda gives him the heave ho. Hardy lowblows Taker and kicks away at him but runs into a big boot. Lesnar grabs the foot of Taker and Hardy clotheslines the deadman outside. Lesnar clotheslines Taker outside and rolls him inside. Chioda then gives the heave-ho to Lesnar as well as Hardy pounds away on Taker in the ring. So much for Matt's backup although Lesnar smiles as he leaves. Hardy hits a clothesline in the corner and goes for the twist of fate, but Taker hits a big lariat. Taker clocks Matt with a big right hand to send him down before rallying with more punches. Taker clotheslines Matt in the corner and hits snake eyes as the camera pick up Paul Heyman walking into Taker's dressing room. Uh oh....Taker leaves the ring and runs to give Hardy the count-out victory. Now it makes sense to why Heyman and Lesnar got themselves ejected. Short match but the point was to distract Undertaker.

Time of match: 4:30

Winner: Matt Hardy by count-out

Post-match, Sara tells Heyman to beat it. Heyman says he tried to reason with Taker now he's trying to reason with her. What's gonna happen to the child when Lesnar takes out Taker. Taker runs in and starts choking Paul but turns around into a chair shot by Lesnar. Lesnar corners Sara, puts his hand on her stomach and says "life's a bitch" then does the fakeout before leaving with Heyman. Sara tends to Taker as we sign off.

As if the gay wedding wasn't bad enough, we end with a pregnant woman getting harassed by Brock Lesnar. Just in case if you weren't offended already. The wedding was the talk of the wrestling world because it was a classic bait and switch just days after another bait and switch. WWE was offending everyone at the time and it overshadowed almost everything else. That was a damn good Angle/Mysterio match and now we got Angle/Benoit at Unforgiven. But now the talk is all about Bischoff vs Stephanie.....like we didn't see that coming. The next show is Raw's Friday night house show in St. Louis. I'll see you there.