WWE Raw
Hilton Coliseum
Ames, IA
September 9, 2002
Commentators: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler
Ring Announcer: Lilian Garcia
Last week on Raw the World Heavyweight Championship was brought back and immediately was handed to Triple H. HHH dispatched Ric Flair in his first title defense but foolishly challenged Intercontinental Champion Rob Van Dam to a tag match where Van Dam pinned the champ. With Brock Lesnar now exclusive to just Smackdown, Raw is severely lacking in talent thanks to the roster mostly being ECW and WCW castoffs. Rob Van Dam might be the odds on favorite to main event Unforgiven against Triple H, but we'll see. Before we do anything, we got a dark match,
Dark Match 1
Doug Basham vs Mark Jindrak
The OVW guys get their shot to show what they can do here. Both men deserved be on the main roster but were just waiting for their opening. Jindrak got the win here.
Winner: Jindrak by pinfall
Now let's get on with the show. We don't waste any time, we go right to our first match.....but not before Bradshaw grabs a mic and says the "jackass bastards" better get down there because he's out there to win the tag belts AND defend the honor of America.
Match 1
Kane and Bradshaw vs Lance Storm and Christian for the WWE Tag Team Championship
The makeshift team of Kane and Bradshaw against the Unamericans might be interesting. The heels attack at the bell but Kane and Bradshaw double shoulderblock Storm. Bradshaw rips Storm's shirt off and throws it at him before delivering a scoop slam. Bradshaw drops an elbow and covers for a two count then drops Storm with another shoulderblock. Bradshaw suplexes Storm from the apron and covers for two before Kane tags in. Kane punches away at Storm who makes the tag to Christian. The heels double team Kane who nails a double clothesline. Kane tags Bradshaw who hits a back suplex on Christian. He covers for two and Storm clubs him in the back. Christian backdrops Bradshaw but walks into a big boot. Bradshaw covers for two then tags in Kane. Lawler says the biggest announcement of all time is coming up and is overly excited for it....oh great. Kane chokebombs Christian but misses the big elbow drop. Storm gets knocked off the apron and Kane hits a sidewalk slam before covering for a deuce. Storm grabs the foot of Kane and drags him nad first into the ring post. Christian stomps away on Kane and Storm chokes him with his boot as well. Referee Jack Doane turns around to see Christian with a blatant choke as the crowd chants USA. Bradshaw grabs his bullrope but the heels choke Kane outside. Back inside Storm tags in and punches away in the corner. Kane fights off Storm with a tilt-a-whirl slam and tags in Bradshaw. Bradshaw drops Christian with a shoulderblock and a back elbow then catches Storm in mid-air. Bradshaw hits a fallaway slam on Storm and powerbombs Christian. Bradshaw covers for 1...2...no, Storm breaks it up. Storm hits a superkick on Bradshaw and is pulled outside by Kane. Christian covers Bradshaw for 1...2...no. Bradshaw blocks the unprettier with a powerslam for 1...2....no. Bradshaw gets knocked to the outside by Lance but Kane hits the top rope clothesline on Storm. Kane big boots Christian and Storm comes off the top with a missile dropkick...into referee Jack Doane. Whoops! Kane hits the chokeslam on Storm but here comes Test out of nowhere to catch Kane with the big boot. Bradshaw hits the clothesline from hell on Test but William Regal also comes in from out of nowhere with brass knuckles. Regal clocks Bradshaw with the knucks and Christian covers. The ref comes to for 1..2....3..to win the match. The numbers game caught up to Kane and Bradshaw as Regal has officially joined the Unamericans. Match was okay but we got some bad news, Bradshaw tore his bicep on the Saturday house show and managed to gut out this match before having surgery. He'd be out a long time.
Time of match: 6:49
Winners: Storm and Christian by pinfall (still Tag Team Champions)
Eric Bischoff is walking in the back as Lawler says the biggest announcement ever is coming up. Back from commercial here comes Bischoff. He says tonight's main event is a fatal-four-way elimination match for the number one contendership. Chris Jericho vs Jeff Hardy vs The Big Show vs Rob Van Dam. The winner gets Triple H at Unforgiven. Ross says that is big news but Lawler says that's not what he was talking about. Eric says Stephanie McMahon is going to have a commitment ceremony while Eric calls it a publicity stunt. Eric says this got legit press from the New York Times, New York Post, Hollywood and ESPN. He holds up that day's New York Post that has the infamous story of a WTC survivor demanding money for interviews along with the New York Jets and tennis pro Pete Sampras returning to glory. Eric says he's going to counter their publicity stunt with one of his own. Eric says for the first time in the history of Raw or WWE, he's going to have HLA. As in Hot Lesbian Action.....yup, that's where the meme comes from. Jerry Lawler cheers as JR scoffs. If you want to say the Attitude Era was edgy, Ruthless Aggression held its own. The camera shows the article WWEdding ring in the Post before Ross tries to talk about the fatal-four-way. Poor JR, Jerry Lawler is wearing sunglasses to boot.
JR sends it to Terri Runnels who says she herself has a match later. She brings in Chris Jericho holding an apple and asks what his chances are to be number one contender. Jericho calls Triple H an assclown while eating the apple and says he was the first Undisputed Champion and he's formulating a plan to insure him becoming number one contender. Jericho accidentally/on purpose spits the apple in her face and we cut to Coach with Triple H himself asking if he has a preference of who he'd face. Coach says RVD already pinned him and HHH asks if he's supposed to be scared of Rob. HHH says he's The Game, World Heavyweight Champion and it doesn't matter who he faces at Unforgiven. Bubba Ray Dudley comes from out of nowhere and says HHH is facing Spike tonight, does he not have the balls to face him instead. HHH says he doesn't have to do anything but he'll do it anyway. He says Spike is more competitive than he is and Bubba is lucky. Bubba says he has Steven Richards tonight and after taking care of him, HHH is next. Suddenly Richards superkicks Bubba out of nowhere. Richards and HHH laugh and Steven says forget about Hunter, better concentrate on the match instead.
Back from commercial Terri and Trish Stratus walk down the hall with a big sign on a door saying "Lesbians". Trish and Terri smile and walk by. On to the next match.
Match 2
Steven Richards vs Bubba Ray Dudley
Bubba bumrushes Richards at the entrance and throws his hat on him. Bubba pulls him in the ring and Bubba unloads with right hands. He backdrops Steven and delivers a suplex before dropping an elbow on Richards. Bubba drops another elbow on Richards and covers for 1...2...no. Lawler starts babbling about the Hot Lesbian Action and its gonna be Stacy Keibler coming out of the closet. Lawler said he KNEW she was a lesbian....which makes no sense. That would mean she doesn't have any attraction to Lawler, why would he theoretically care? The fans chant for tables as Bubba ties Steven in the tree of woe. JR tries to stay on topic as Bubba pounds away on Richards. Bubba bumps out of the corner and Lawler simply won't shut up about HLA. Some blowhorn goes off as Richards hits a running neckbreaker. Richards covers for 1...2...no. Richards kicks away at Bubba as Ross hypes up the fatal four-way tonight. Vince had to have been in his ear to mention that out of nowhere, but its better than Lawler. Ross tells Jerry to get ahold of himself as Bubba sunset flips Richards for 1..2...no. JR drops Richards as Ross says not ever being champion is eating at Bubba. Richards and Bubba slug it out as Lawler continues to babble on. Bubba hits a released german suplex and rallies with a clothesline. Bubba armdrags Richards and delivers a suplex. He covers for 1...2....no. Ross finally yells at Lawler to shut up as the crowd chants for tables. Bubba hits the Dusty Punches and tells himself to get the tables. Richards superkicks him and covers for 1....2...no. Bubba football tackles Richards and covers for 1...2...no. Lawler starts ranting about Stacy Keibler's legs as Bubba goes for a top rope Bubba Bomb. Richards blocks it and kicks Bubba in the face. He gets caught with a sit down powerbomb off the top rope and Bubba covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Trying to push Bubba is a choice but there aren't many options. The match was good but Lawler ruined it by his non-stop comments.
Time of match: 5:53
Winner: Dudley by pinfall
Sure enough, here are the legs of Stacy Keibler and King goes insane again. Good grief, on to the next match.
Match 3
Stacy Keibler and Victoria vs Trish Stratus and Terri Runnels
This stems from last week when Stacy hit Terri with an alarm clock after the Lingerie Pillow Fight then tarred & feathered her. Trish and Victoria weren't friends either and before Trish even takes her coat off, Terri bumrushes Stacy out of the ring. Trish has to pull Terri off Stacy but Victoria kicks her in the head. Victoria gets clotheslined by Terri in the ring but Victoria drops her with a forearm. Victoria scoop slams Terri as the crowd wants puppies. Victoria covers for 1...2..no. Victoria sends Terri into Stacy's boot as Stacy tags in. JR tells Lawler to say what HLA means as Stacy rams Terri's head into the buckle. Stacy chokes Terri with her boot as Lawler cheers. JR "My GOD will you give it a rest?" Yeah really. Stacy scoop slams Terri as Victoria hits a slingshot legdrop for 1...2...no. Lawler is legit watching with binnoculars as Victoria stomps Terri. Victoria totally botches a flapjack and covers anyway for 1..2...no. Victoria gets an overhead backbreaker but Terri slips out, slaps Stacy and Victoria botches yet another spot when she winds up and decks Stacy with Terri nowhere near her. Terri rolls up Victoria for 1....2...no. Victoria scoop slams Terri but misses the top rope moonsault. Terri finally tags Terri who pounds away on Victoria. Trish hits a backdrop, two clotheslines and a neckbreaker. Trish covers for 1....2...no. Trish sends Victoria in the corner but a charge eats elbow. Trish hits Stratusphere anyway and covers for 1...2...no. Victoria stun guns Trish and hits a modified spinebuster. She covers for 1...2..no. Victoria holds Trish for Stacy who kicks Trish in the stomach. Stacy hits a heel kick and covers for 1...2..no. Stacy and Victoria goes for the double team but Trish fights out of it. Trish bulldogs Stacy and tags in Terri. Terri hits a flying crossbody off the top rope for 1..2....3 to win the match. Lawler wants some HLA from the winners but Ross says no dice. The match was awful since Terri and Stacy aren't wrestlers and Victoria messed a few things up. Things did pick up once it was Victoria and Trish but the other two just don't have the skills. Still, Vince and Johnny Ace wanted "divas" and that's what they got.
Time of match: 4:56
Winners: Trish and Terri by pinfall
Christopher Nowinsky is with William Regal who's now donning an Unamericans shirt. Nowinsky is mad that Regal is leaving him to join the Unamericans. Chris says that's fine because he's ready for some HLA. He goes to talk about the lesbians and Regal scrunches his face before slapping him. Regal says "Listen to yourself, man. Don't be daft. You're the smartest man here, and all you can think about are some scrubby lesbians or Rogering Molly Holly? You're an embarrassment, lad." Regal says to start acting like a Harvard graduate. Regal basically was saying what we're all thinking. I bet Ross wishes he could slap Lawler right about now.
Speaking of Nowinsky, here he comes for a soliloquy. Nowinsky says "Iowa State is being graced by an actual Harvard graduate." Nowinsky says they're one yard short of being a legitimate university. That was a shot at the Iowa State Cyclones that was stopped on the goaline to lose 38-31 to number 3 ranked Florida State two weeks earlier. Future star receiver Anquan Boldin was on the Seminoles as well as future New England Patriot PK Sam. Speaking of Patriots, cornerback Ellis Hobbs was on the Cyclones. Chris says Harvard has Rhodes Scholars while Iowa State has dirt roads. He then says "That's alright, that's okay, you'll work for us someday." and "Five, ten, fifteen bucks, we'll own the company and you drive the trucks." Finally here comes Tommy Dreamer in the obligatory Iowa State shirt and says "Roses are red, violets are lame, how about I beat you with my singapore canes?" Chris says 95% of the people here don't know where Singapore is and face him like a man. Dreamer rushes the ring and hits Chris with a spinebuster. Dreamer hits a neckbreaker and Nowinsky bails. Nowinsky hits Dreamer with the cane but Dreamer recovers to hit a White Russian leg sweep and starts caning Nowinsky all over inside the ring. Nowinsky finally retreats and we cut here. Another rookie/veteran situation looming.
We cut to Spike Dudley in the back getting ready for his title match and walks by the "lesbians." They say hi and he looks uncomfortable while saying hi. They introduce themselves as the lesbians and he goes to walk away. They wish him luck and ask why he's not wishing them good luck. He asks for what and they say for HLA as they kiss. Spike does a spittake with his water bottle as Lawler shrieks. Can we get this over with? On to the next match.
Match 4
Spike Dudley vs Triple H
Non title match for god knows what reason. Lawler is more concerned about Spike getting to meet the lesbians rather than this match as usual. HHH goes for a handshake and Spike takes it. Hunter backs Spike into the corner and patronizes him by turning his back to him. Spike gets a headlock and HHH throws him down. Spike gets a left arm ringer but HHH reverses it. Spike victory rolls Hunter and HHH brings him to the corner and backs off with a smile before slapping him. Spike slaps him back harder and then plays cat and mouse, ducking the line and dropping unter with forearms. HHH gets knocked to the outside and he looks shocked. HHH pulls Spike outside and heaves him into the barricade before sliding inside to stop the count. Hunter throws Spike in but Dudley gets a headbutt to the midsection and a neckbreaker. Spike covers for a deuce and HHH boots him in the head. Hunter unloads with right hands and a blatant choke. HHH hits a side backbreaker then hits another one as the crowd tries to rally Spike. Dudley hits a headscissors to send HHH dazed to the outside. Spike hits a plancha before climbing to the top rope with HHH sliding back in. Spike hits a whoopie cushion and covers for 1...2...no. Spike flies off the top into a forearm and Hunter hits the pedigree. Hunter doesn't cover him, instead he just stands there and laughs. HHH slaps Spike on the ground but Dudley hits a low blow after Hunter piefaces the referee. Spike hits the Acid Drop and covers for 1..2....nooooo, Hunter gets the foot on the rope. Spike beats his chest and tells him to come on. Spike goes for another acid drop but HHH throws him into the corner and hits a sleeperhold. Spike fades and the ref checks the arm....and calls for the bell. What???? When was the last time someone lost to a damn sleeperhold? The match itself was a good story but what's with the ending? That's even more humiliating than a simple pedigree and cover.
Time of match: 7:39
Winner: HHH by submission
Post match HHH kicks an out cold Spike until Bubba Ray Dudley hits the ring to back HHH down. HHH puts the belt on his shoulder and slowly leaves to a chorus of boos. JR says someday The Game and Bubba are going to find out who the toughest is. We cut to Coach with Jeff Hardy. He asks Jeff about his chance to be the number one contender and Jeff says it was his childhood dream to be champion. He doesn't feel 100% and sees someone off screen. Jeff spots Eric Bischoff talking with one of the producers and the Brooklyn Brawler of all people. Eric tries to sweet talk him and say don't worry about last week and Jeff cuts him off. Jeff yells about his time on Raw and threatens Eric that if he ever pulls a 3 Minute Warning on him again, he'll show Eric how to be extreme. JR hypes our main event as we got to break.
Back from commercial, Jericho is talking to Big Show. Jericho says "think about it" and leaves. Johnny Stamboli just happens to be standing there and Big Show reveals Jericho wants to team up. Wait about 8 years for that. Stamboli says if he was Big Show, he'd take the deal. Big Show grabs him and says to keep his mouth shut before throwing him across the room.
We cut to Coach and Booker T now. He asks about William Regal joining the Unamericans and now Booker and Goldust have to face Regal and Test. Booker goes to say what's great about the US when Goldust walks up wearing a Kane mask. Goldust pretends to be Kane and says they're going to win tonight. The real Kane shows up and takes the mask off Goldust and Goldust says he didn't see him there. Goldust asks about the Oakland A's, which was a reference to their 20 game win streak. Booker tries not to laugh. Bradshaw shows up and tells them to kick their ass and lets go watch some HLA. Goldust is aghast but Kane raises his hand to say "I'll go." Booker says this is what makes this country great. Booker "Where else can you find a beer drinking Texas cowboy, a big red freak like this, a gold freak like this and the five time (5x) WCW champion kicking some Unamerican and STILL have time to check out some hot lesbian action." Bradshaw likes it as Booker says "Can you dig that suckkkaaaaaaaa". Coach is laughing as Lawler screams "HLA!" On to the next match.
Match 5
Booker T and Goldust vs William Regal and Test
As if Summerslam wasn't bad enough, they got Regal and Test representing the Unamericans against B & G. The crowd is either chanting HLA or USA although Lawler finally comes up with something funny. He says he'd like to see things from The Unamericans' perspective but he'd have to get his head out of his ass first. Test slugs at Booker in the corner but a charge eats knee. Test runs into a superkick and Booker covers for 1...2...no. Goldust tags in who comes off the second rope with a forearm to the left arm. Regal tags in and Goldust hits the ass bump as Lawler once again starts babbling about HLA. Ross completely ignores him as Goldust is sent outside. Test punches away outside and Goldust is sent back inside. Regal gets a cover for 1...2..no. Test tags in and clubs Goldust in the corner as Ross says Regal could be an x-factor for the Unamericans. Regal tags in and kicks away at Goldust but G rallies with right hands only for Regal to drop a knee on him. Regal punches away on Goldust and kicks him down to the first rope. Regal chokes him against the rope and tags Test in. Goldust eats a knee to the ribs but rolls out of the pump handle slam. Goldust hits a neckbreaker and gets the hot tag to Booker. Booker cleans house of both heels, axe kicking Regal. Goldust kicks Test outside as Regal uppercuts Book. Booker hits the scissors kick and does the spinaroonie. Booker ducks the big boot and hits the axe kick on Test. Regal hits Booker with the brass knuckles as Lance Storm, Christian, Kane and Bradshaw all run in for a brawl. Bradshaw is favoring his left arm but the Unamericans retreat. The official decision is a double DQ but Kane hit Regal first. Now this mostly likely was going to lead to an 8 man but the problem was Bradshaw would be out. Oh well.
Time of match: 5:50
Winner: No one (Double DQ)
The camera shows the "lesbians" as Lawler cheers again. The two ladies hold hands and walk to the ring. Ross must be wanting to eat his own hat by now. After commercial, Eric Bischoff is in the ring as he calls the wedding on Smackdown a cheap publicity stunt. Eric introduces the lesbians and they get their own entrance graphic which would become a meme 22 years later. Lawler watches with binoculars as Ross isn't thrilled at all. Eric says the fans want to see the lesbians with each other and gets the crowd to chant HLA. Yeah wonderful, they gonna do anything? Eric asks Jenny (the tall one) if she wants Tanya (the blonde) and she says yes. He asks Tanya what she wants and she wants Jenny bad. They start fondling each other up with Eric narrating like a creep. Lawler continually shouts and screams as Ross says "I can't believe this." Jenny and Tanya strip down and feel each other up as Lawler continues to whoop it up. The lesbians go to kiss and they kind of block the view of the camera and it doesn't look like they're actually kissing. I know they were hired to do a job, but they couldn't even do it right. Eric says "Sex and violence always sells"...uh oh. Eric says the show has gone on long enough....and here comes 3 Minute Warning. Jim Ross "Oh my god, you gotta be kidding me." Jenny and Tanya turn around and Jamal superkicks Jenny in the ribs for real. Woah. Rosey grabs Tanya by the hair and goes to press slam her out of the ring. Instead he throws her into Jamal who hit a Samoan drop. At least they can bump. Rosey throws the girls on top of each other and Jamal splashes them off the top rope. Bischoff laughs as the crowd is more apathetic than anything. Bischoff complained about Stephanie doing a publicity stunt and he just pulled one of his own. 3 Minute Warning leave as the great RD Reynolds over at Wrestlecrap.com (cheap plug) pointed out that supposedly Kane, Goldust, Bradshaw and Booker were watching and could have easily stopped this. The lesbians get stretchered off and are never seen again. Ross plugs our main event as we go to break.
Back from break Rob Van Dam, the Intercontinental Champion, is walking in the back when he shakes hands with Ric Flair. Flair says Rob's win last week was off the charts and RVD says it was just another night. Flair says the game was over when Rob hit the frogsplash and he'll be the next WHC if he can win tonight. On to the final match.
Match 6
Chris Jericho vs Big Show vs Jeff Hardy vs Rob Van Dam in an Elimination Fatal-Four-Way Match
Winner goes to Unforgiven and its elimination rules. They kind of telegraphed the ending by having Rob win the week before, otherwise the illusion if Jeff Hardy winning might have more merit. Rob enters wearing a Lugz t-shirt as the bell rings. The future Jeri-Show attacks the others but Jeff backdrops Jericho to the floor. Big Show misses a charge and RVD drops down for Jeff Hardy to try Poetry In Motion, but Show catches Hardy and heaves him over the top. Jericho drops an elbow on Rob as JR brings up former 400 pound Iowa olympic wrestler Chris Taylor who won the Bronze in 1972 while saying Big Show is bigger than him. Unfortunately Taylor died in 1979 at age 29. Big Show rocket launches Jericho but Van Dam moves out of the way. Hardy and Van Dam both go upstairs and hit missile dropkicks. Jeff hits a swanton bomb and covers for 1...2...no, Show heaves Jeff from the cover to the floor. Rob Van Dam hits rolling thunder and covers for 1...2..no, Show bench presses Rob onto the referee Earl Hebner. Jericho gets a chair and waffles both Hardy and Rob with it. Show punches the chair out of Jericho's hand and picks it up. Jericho fakes being hit and Hebner disqualifies BIG SHOW. You think Eddie Guerrero started that? Think again. Anyway, Show in a rage chokeslams Jericho, Hardy and Van Dam. Show throws a tantrum as we go to commercial.
Back from break, Show is gone and Jericho stomps away at Van Dam. Jericho hits a heel kick on him but misses a springboard to the floor. RVD hits a somersault plancha to Jericho on the floor but Hardy baseball slides Rob down. Jeff runs across the barricade and hits a flying double clothesline. Back inside Jericho goes up to the top rope but Van Dam kicks him. Jeff and Rob hit a double top rope superplex. Both faces hit a double heel kick on Jericho but Rob clubs Hardy. Hardy hits the rolling slam and moonsault for 1...2..no. Jeff turns an armdrag into a tornado DDT that damn near broke Rob's neck. Jeff covers for 1..2.....no. Jeff is pushed off the top rope by Jericho and Chris hits the lionsault for 1...2...3..to eliminate JEFF HARDY.
Down to RVD and Y2J, Rob hits a heel kick and covers for 1..2....no. Jericho hits a released German suplex that also looked like Rob broke his neck. Jericho covers for 1..2...no as even the announcers are concerned for Rob's health. Jericho locks in a surfboard but Rob powers out of it. Jericho sends Rob into the corner but the charge eats ring post. Rob kicks Jericho and a monkey flip sends Chris halfway across the ring. RVD covers for a deuce as one of the turnbuckle pads is missing. Rob goes for rolling thunder but Jericho got the knees up. Jericho for 1...2...no. Jericho calls Rob a sonovabitch and chops him in the corner. Jericho misses a plancha and Rob hits the split legged moonsault for 1..2...no. A charge by Rob eats boot and Jericho hits the bulldog. Jericho misses the lionsault and Rob counters with a heel kick. Rob goes up to the top but misses the five star frog splash. Jericho hits the lionsault for 1..2...nooooo. Jericho goes for the Walls but Rob cradles him up for 1...2...noooo. Rob hits another heel kick as HHH comes down to scout the winner. Rob is rolled up with Jericho's feet on the ropes for 1..2...no. Jericho is slingshotted into the exposed turnbuckle and Rob hits a springboard dropkick. Rob goes up to the top and hits the five star frog splash. Rob covers for 1..2...3 to win the match. JR "VAN DAM! VAN DAM IS GOING TO UNFORGIVEN!" HHH looks concerned as Rob trash talks him inside the ring. Things picked up once Big Show was gone and as usual, Y2J/RVD was a great segment. Its gonna be RVD vs HHH at Unforgiven.
Time of match: 15:43
Winner: Rob Van Dam by pinfall
That was one of the worst Raw's of all time both in terms of content and ratings. The HLA stunt backfired as they did a 3.4 cable rating, their lowest number since the spring of 1998. Not to mention it was tasteless and made women feel like nothing but sex objects to be beaten up by heels. Lawler wouldn't shut up for two seconds the whole night and it got annoying. Regal joined the Unamericans to give them another body for the stable matches with Booker & Goldust although say goodbye to Bradshaw for awhile. Still, the main event was the only match truly worth watching and Rob winning punched his ticket to Unforgiven. The IC Champ vs the WHC champ is the Raw main event at Unforgiven, although we only have one Raw left to establish some other matches. The next show after this is Smackdown on Thursday. I'll see you there.
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