WWE Velocity (11/16/02)

WWE Velocity

Nationwide Arena

Columbus, OH

November 16, 2002

Commentators: Michael Cole and Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

Survivor Series is tomorrow night but we got another edition of Velocity to sit through first. The double edged sword is this particular recording doesn't have the recaps. Nobody has them so its going to be straight matches for this one. If anyone has the full show, let me know. Tonight we have Crash Holly vs Chuck Palumbo, Shannon Moore vs Albert and Funaki vs D'Von Dudley. Let's get to the action.

Match 1

Crash Holly vs Chuck Palumbo

Crash gets a pop for god knows what reason even though he's been working heel lately on Velocity. Crash falls into the ring during his entrance. Crash starts with the headlock at the bell and catches himself on the ropes. Crash tries an up and over but Chuck catches him and hits snake eyes in the corner. He whips Crash hard into the buckle but gets drop toe holded into the corner. Crash stomps away at Chuck. then says he's going to give Chuck the iron claw. He grabs Chuck in the stomach and Chuck looks at him funny. Chuck then drops him with a big forearm. Crash rallies with a snapmare and a dropkick to the neck, covering for 1...2..nope. Dorkus Malorkus then yaps about Brock Lesnar as Crash looks in a surfboard. Crash hots a forearm to the back and hits a scoop slam. Crash covers for a deuce and locks in a chinlock. Chuck powers out of it as Mark Lloyd has no idea who Baron Von Rashcke is. Crash jumps off the top rope but eats boot by Chuck. Palumno rallies with a right hand and belly to belly suplex. Chuck covers for 1..2...nope. Crash runs into an overhead belly to belly suplex, gets up and Palumbo hits him with the discuss punch. Chuck hits Real Crash Landing and covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. Kind of boring but that's what happens when you have big hoss against little technician.

Time of match: 4:52

Winner: Palumbo by pinfall

This would have been the recap portion but we don't have those here. We do get a graphic that Jamie Noble will appear later in the show. Back from break its on to the next match.

Match 2

Albert vs Shannon Moore

Another big hoss against a smaller dude match although Moore is a bit more flashy than Crash....in theory anyway. Cole says Shannon is outweighed by 150 pounds in this one. Bell rings as Shannon starts a "shave your back chant". Shannon starts with right hands to the gut and a kick as well. Albert backdrops Shannon and clotheslines him against the ropes. Albert gets kicked in the ribs on the way in but Shannon gets dropped with a shoulderblock. Albert gets two knees to the ribs and a clothesline. Albert slingshots Moore into the second rope. Albert covers for 1...2..no. Albert indian burns Shannon then goes to the blatant choke. Albert lands a headbutt as Cole says to come do that to Lloyd. Shannon goes to the second rope but Albert catches him midair and delivers a shoulder breaker. Cole asks what it would be like to french kiss Albert and Lloyd gets grossed out. Albert charges in the corner but eats ring post. Moore kicks him in the shoulder and drops Albert into the second buckle. Shannon does a second rope coup de gras but runs right into the bicycle kick. Albert hits the baldo bomb and covers for 1..2...3 to win the match. Not so much a squash but still Albert wins decisively. They really need to do something with him, especially on Smackdown. If they can make Big Show the biggest threat to Brock Lesnar in under a month after being a dud on Raw for a year, I'm sure they can make Albert into something as well.

Time of match: 3:22

Winner: Albert by pinfall

Without the recaps, we got Jamie Noble up next for a conference. Jamie and Nidia come out and Cole asks if Lloyd hits his woman on the ass. Lloyd says no....poor guy. Noble says the crowd is full of poor, pathetic people. They ain't got no respect for anyone. Nidia complains about the crowd calling them trash and says she's "...uh....uh....a lady!" Noble says he's Jamie Noble, cruiserweight champion. Nidia has no idea how long he's been champion so he says "a long time." Noble screams he's not going to lose to Kidman at Survivor Series. Cole "WHY IS JAMIE NOBLE YELLING AT ME??" Cole "Maybe Nidia can buy a calculator with the Survivor Series paycheck." Ha! Cole's been hilarious tonight, a rare W. Pointless segment other than to establish Nidia is stupid, cool I guess? Again, without the recaps, its on to the main event.

Match 3

D'Von Dudley vs Funaki

This steps from last week when Funaki pinned D'Von in a tag team match. Tony Chimel just calls him "D'von" so apart from the theme song, he's kind of ditched the Reverend gimmick. Cole "Funaki doesn't have a microphone in his hand! What is wrong with the world??" Ha! Bell rings and Funaki runs into a knee to the ribs. D'Von nearly takes Funaki's head off with a clothesline. D'Von hits a vertical suplex and covers for two as Cole calls Paul Heyman a scumbag. Fuanki ducks the line, dropkicks D'Von and hits an armdrag. Funaki hits a dropkick to the face but is sent into the corner. A charge by D'Von eats boot and Funaki jumps off the second rope into a clothesline. Dudley scoop slams Funaki and drops the big elbow before covering for a deuce. Funaki gets his eyes raked and Dudley taunts the irate crowd. D'Von gets the chinlock and tells some fan to shut up....or maybe he's talking to Cole and Lloyd babble on about Brock Lesnar. Funaki powers out of it and schoolboys D'Von for 1...2..nope. D'Von hits a powerslam and covers for 1.....2...no. D'Von goes up to the second rope but misses the splash when Funaki rolls out of the way. Funaki hits an enziguiri and a facebuster bulldog. Funaki covers for 1...2...nope. Funaki hits the ddt and covers for another two count. Funaki gets caught in the Saving Grace and D'Von covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. Not bad for crash style and D'Von does the testify signal....hasn't done THAT in a while. 

Time of match: 4:20

Winner: D'Von by pinfall

We sign off here and we're on to Survivor Series. Big Show vs Brock Lesnar, Jamie Noble vs Billy Kidman, Edge & Rey vs Los Guerreros vs Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit are your Smackdown matches. Trish vs Victoria in a hardcore match, 3 Minute Warning and Rico against the Dudleys and Jeff Hardy in a table match and the elimination chamber match. The only thing left to do is catch the pre-show tomorrow night on Heat featuring a tag match. I'll see you there.

WWE Velocity (11/9/02)

WWE Velocity

Verizon Wireless Arena

Manchester, NH

November 9, 2002

Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Michael Cole

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

This week's Velocity was taped in Manchester before Smackdown so it'll be hilarious to hear Cole & Lloyd talk about events in the past tense that haven't happened yet while these matches were going on. Like I said on the Smackdown editorial, it was a tale of two halves. The first half of the show was meh while the second half was great. Hopefully the recaps focus on the positives....anyway, on to the first match.

Match 1

Crash Holly vs Tajiri

Another Cruiserweight match to open the show....not that its a bad thing. Bell's gone and they tie up to start. Cole and Lloyd immediately ignore what's going on in the ring to babble on about Brock Lesnar and Big Show. Tajiri gets in a test of strength but Crash gets an arm drag. They chain wrestle with a stalemate and Tajiri wants a handshake. Crash slaps the hand away and Tajiri chops him in the chest for it. Crash goes for the tarantula in the corner but Tajiri blocks him and kicks him off the apron. Crash throws Tajiri into the barricade as Cole now babbles on about The Undertaker being on Smackdown next week. Holly gets in a gut-wrench backbreaker as Cole then hypes up next week's Smackdown. Once again, I know its Vince or Kevin Dunn in their ear, but they've devoted maybe 10 seconds in the last two minutes talking about the actual match going on. If I were Crash or Tajiri I'd be pissed because as annoying as Vince himself was on commentary, he'd hype the daylights out of his stars in the ring to get them over. Why couldn't he instruct these two to do the same?  Cole now babbles on about Al Wilson as Crash hits a side backbreaker then holds him for a submission hold. Tajiri fights his way out of it. Tajiri goes for a hurracarana but Crash blocks it with a powerbomb. Cole then babbles on about Nidia and Jamie Noble being on Blind Date this Tuesday. Tajiri plays possum with a kick to the head then hits the savate kick. He covers for 1...2...nope. Tajiri hits the handspring elbow but misses a charge in the corner. Holly rolls him up and hook the tights for 1...2..nope. Takiri goes for the sunset flip but Crash holds on to the ropes. Tajiri bridges out and hits a hurracarana but Holly rolls through it. Tajiri hits a dropkick and covers for a 2 3/4....that was REAL close. Lloyd hypes up the upcoming recap of the 2 out of 3 falls match as Tajiri finally hits the tarantula. Tajiri misses the buzz-kick, but sidekicks Crash then finally hits the buzz kick. That looked out of the movie Bloodsport. Tajiri covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Not a bad match but Lloyd and Cole talked about everything BUT the match until the very end. Better late than never because it was actually good for under 5 minutes.

Time of match: 4:49

Winner: Tajiri by pinfall

We cut to Tom Prichard of all people for the recap of....Al Wilson proposing to Dawn Marie. Of all the things they could have led to, THIS was what made Velocity? We head to commercial although the only thing funny about the segment was Cole and Tazz ripping it from start to finish. Back from commercial the Lugz Boot of the Week is Eddie and Rey beating Los Guerreros for the number 1 contender shot from two weeks ago...then again Boot From Two Weeks Ago doesn't have the same ring to it. Finally we get the recap of the 2 out of 3 falls tag team match where we crowned new champs. Then we get a Tough Enough 3 clip where Chad is thrown off the show. Nothing of value was lost. Let's get to our next match.

Match 2

Albert vs Jason Porcaro

Holy schmidt its Jason Porcaro. He was known as Vince Vicallo in Chaotic Wrestling and was trained by Killer Kowalski. Albert tells Jason to give him a free shot as Cole says Jason is his size. True, he was in great shape but was just a bit taller than Spike Dudley. Jason gets in a headlock but Albert heaves him away. Cole makes fun of Jason as Albert drops him with a shoulderblock. Albert drops an elbow and forearms him on the ring apron. Albert rams his head on the mat and then puts him on the top rope, tying him in the tree of woe. Jason hits a headbutt to the ribs but Albert forearms him in the head. Jason runs right into the bicycle kick and gets slingshotted throat first into the second rope. Albert hits the Baldo Bomb and covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. That was a squash right out of 1994 which was common for Kowalski grads at the time.

Time of match: 1:51

Winner: Albert by pinfall

We go to commercial where WWE Anthology is coming out on CD. Those of us who had Napster and Limewire probably had all the theme songs on bootleg CD's anyway. Back from break the JVC Tower of Power is once again Big Show chokeslamming Brock Lesnar. Naturally we get the recap of this past week where Show cuts the promo, Lesnar smashes the TV, Heyman gives Brock a tongue lashing, Eddie vs Brock, Show lays Brock out again. Then we get a Suvivor Series commercial with the schematics of the elimination chamber. Now let's get to our "main event"

Match 3

Funaki and Chuck Palumbo vs D'Von Dudley and Ron Simmons

Like I said in a different write up, Palumbo was completely lost without Billy Gunn so they just stuck him with Funaki to take on D'Von and Ron here. Palumbo and Simmons start with Ron getting the headlock in. Ron shoulderblocks Palumbo but Chuck counters with a powerslam. Cole hypes up the Super Tuesday triple threat match between Edge, Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero. Palumbo covers for a two count with Ron getting a thumb to the eye. Ron backs Chuck into the corner and mule kicks him. Lloyd literally stops what Cole is saying to talk about Lesnar and Paul Heyman.....god this is ridiculous. Simmons goes to pull Chuck up but he's already on his feet, what was that? D'Von tags in but so does Funaki. Palumbo scoop slams D'Von and holds him for the Funaki dropkick. Funaki unloads with D'Von but Dudley drops him with his own right hand. Dudley chops Funaki's chest but Funaki lands two dropkicks then covers for a deuce. Funaki teases a crane kick as Simmons tags in. Cole "Ron is not going to put up with that BS." Ron shoves him backwards and says bring it. Ron stomps and punches away at Funaki but Funaki slides under him. Funaki hits a dropkick but runs into a clothesline. Ron covers for two but Dudley tags in. D'Von hits a back elbow smash then locks in a chin lock. Lloyd keeps babbling about Brock Lesnar as D'Von hits a powerslam. Dudley covers for two but Palumbo gets in the ring to allow a heel double team in the corner. Simmons tags in D'Von but Funaki tries to rally with right hands. D'Von tags Ron back in to apply a chinlock. Ron then goes for the Dominator but Funaki rolls out of it, gets a kick to the ribs and hits a DDT (Mark calls it a bulldog....whoops). Palumbo gets the mid tag and backdrops D'Von then hits an overhead belly to belly suplex. Chuck covers for 1....2...nope. Palumbo hits a discuss punch to D'Von then clotheslines Simmons. A suplex lands on D'Von and a clothesline to Simmons. Palumbo rocket launches Funaki on D'Von for 1....2...nope.  Simmons breaks up the count. Palumbo and Simmons brawl to the floor as D'Von hits a neckbreaker off the second rope. He covers for 1....2...nooooo. Funaki rolls up D'Von out of nowhere for 1.....2....3 to win the match. Quick win by Funaki as the heels can't believe it. Palumbo and Funaki win it even if it was formulaic. The announcers sign off.

Time of match: 7:07

Winners: Funaki and Palumbo by pinfall

That about does it for this week's velocity. As usual the mainstays do what they can to put on a show before Smackdown begins. Speaking of which, we got Super Tuesday and one more Smackdown before Survivor Series. They're going to have to announce some matches real quick because all we got are Show vs Lesnar and possibly Kidman vs Noble. As for the next show, we got a double shot tomorrow of house shows for Raw and Smackdown. Raw will be in Hershey, PA to continue their Pennsylvania tour so I'll see you there.

WWE Velocity (10/5/02)

WWE Velocity

Cajundome

Lafayette, Louisiana

October 5, 2002

Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Michael Cole

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

Before I get anywhere, there will be no recaps this week because they've been lost to time. We start with a promo from Funaki, SMACKDOWN NUMBA WUN ANNOUNCA, 2 weeks ago he got beat up by Albert after Funaki beat him. We see a highlight of that match then back to Funaki who's with John Cena now. Funaki calls Albert a bully and Cena says he's the only bully who would steal lunch money and actually use it for lunch. Cena then says Albert hit puberty differently as his body grew hair before his head did (har de har har). Cena says nobody bullies John Cena and he's taking Albert out tonight. Funaki sends us to our intro. Now, THAT is what I'm talking about. Sunday Night Heat in 2000 would have mini one night storylines with the B show guys, they should do this more often for Velocity and Heat rather than straight cold matches. We go right to the match.

Match 1

Albert vs John Cena

Its the battle for Boston with Cena from West Newburyport and Albert from Peabody, Massachusetts. Cena comes out with gold tights that would have been perfect for Shelton Benjamin years later. They circle to start and Cena gets thrown down to start. Albert sends Cena off and drops him with a shoulderblock. Cena gets in an arm ringer as Cole and Lloyd start babbling about Brock Lesnar and Undertaker. Cena rallies with right hands in the corner and executes a drop toe hold. Albert is frustrated and takes over with right hands and a whip into the other corner. Albert works over Cena with knees and strikes as Cole and Lloyd are STILL babbling about it. Albert covers for a two count and Albert gives him an Indian burn...ouch.  Cena rallies with right hands but Albert counters with an avalanche in the corner. Albert covers for a deuce and Albert is mad at the ref. Albert clotheslines Cena and covers

for another two count. Albert places Cena horizontally across the top rope and clubs with forearms. Cena gets up and dropkicks Albert down, but Albert continues to slug away. Cena gets the upperhand, reverses a powerslam into a back suplex and covers for 1...2....noooo. More right hands by Cena ends with Albert hitting the bicycle kick. Albert covers for 1..2......nooooo, Cena got the shoulder up at the last second. Cena hits a back sidewalk slam and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Cena does the Word Life pose without that being the name yet. Kind of a slog until the very end, Cena definitely paid his dues along the way.

Time of match: 5:20

Winner: Cena by pinfall

Lloyd hypes up the upcoming Cruiserweight match between Shannon Moore and Tajiri before we go to break. Back from break we get a recap of the bikini contest between Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie....only because Michael Cole alluded to it before the end of the Cena match. Torrie wins and Dawn heaves her outside. We go to break again and back from break is our next match.

Match 2

Billy Kidman vs Doug Basham

This should be a better match than the first. Bell's gone and Basham starts with forearms but eats a hurracarana by Kidman. Basham sends him up and over but Kidman flips in only to get a thumb to the eye. Basham slingshots Kidman over the top rope to the floor. Outside Basham sends Kidman into the barricade and rolls him back inside. Basham covers for a deuce and stomps away at him. Basham hits a snap suplex then a second one. He covers for a deuce then locks in a camel clutch. Basham rakes the eyes and somehow turns it into a pinning combo. Kidman hits a backslide for a deuce then Basham hits a sidewalk slam but the cover only gets a near fall. Basham locks in a bow and arrow for a second then let's go. Basham stomps on Kidman in the corner and whips him back first into the buckle. Basham does a bow and arrow against the ring post and breaks it off before the five count. Doug scoop slams Kidman then goes upstairs. Doug goes for the axehandle smash but Kidman dropkicks him down. Kidman rallies with a forearm, a dropkick and a bulldog. Billy covers for a deuce but runs into a spinebuster. He covers for 1...2...nope. Basham ducks under a lariat and hits a flying legline. He covers for two then goes for a powerbomb. Kidman counters with an enziguiri and covers for 1....2...nope. Basham recovers to hit a Russian leg sweep then goes back upstairs. Basham hits the guillotine legdrop and covers for 1....2...NOOOOO, Cole is stunned that Kidman kicked out. Basham sets up Kidman on the top rope and goes for the superplex but Kidman hits the X-Factor from off the top rope. He puts Basham in position and hits the Seven Year Itch. He covers for 1...2...3...to win the match. Dorkus Malorkus says Kidman beat the "rookie" Basham even though Doug started wrestling a full year (1993) before Kidman did (1994). That was a damn good match for what it was, Basham deserved better.

Time of match: 6:36

Winner: Kidman by pinfall

Since we have no recaps in this recording I found of Velocity, we just go to the main event.

Match 3

Shannon Moore vs Tajiri

Shannon actually gets a nice pop during his entrance and they circle to start. Shannon and Tajiri exchange go-behinds and a chain sequence to start. Lloyd says Matt Hardy wants to be number one contender as Matt's real life friend Shannon gets kicked by Tajiri for his troubles. Tajiri puts the boots to Shannon in the corner as Shannon tries to fight back. Tajiri starts working the right leg of Shannon and taunts the crowd, reminding them he's the heel. Tajiri kicks away at the right leg and locks in a leg lock. Cole and Lloyd babble on about Brock Lesnar and Undertaker....I know they're being instructed to do it but its still annoying. Shannon hits a sunset flip out of nowhere and Cole literally has to ignore it to finish his chain of thought about Undertaker's broken hand. Tajiri then starts working over the left leg and does a dragon screw. Tajiri tells the crowd to stick it then continues to work over the left leg. Shannon hits a dropkick and ignores his "injury". He clothesline's Tajiri twice and scoop slams him. Shannon hits a running blockbuster and covers for a deuce. Shannon hits a hurracarana and covers for a deuce. Tajiri goes for the handstand elbow but Shannon counters with a dropkick to the back. Moore covers for 1...2...nope. Moore goes for the Halo but misses. Tajiri loads up for the Buzz Kick but Shannon ducks, Tajiri counters a hurricarana and knocks Shannon cold with a savate kick. Tajiri covers for 1..2....3 to win the match. Not as good as the previous match mostly due to they wasted too much time with the alternating leg spot. Still a good match though.

Time of match: 5:15

Winner: Tajiri by pinfall

We don't even get final thoughts from Cole and Lloyd, they just send us straight to WWE Confidential. If you don't remember what that was, it was "Mean" Gene Okerlund hosting a 60 Minutes like show for a while. As for Velocity, two of the three matches were good and the Boston battle may not have been good, but fun for personal reasons. Tomorrow is another double shot with the stars of Raw in Reno, Nevada with Smackdown heading to San Angelo, Texas. See you all in San Angelo.

WWE Velocity (9/28/02)

September 28, 2002

San Diego Sports Center

San Diego, CA

Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Tazz

Ring announcer: Tony Chimel

This week's velocity was taped Tuesday night before Smackdown and we got three matches. Billy Kidman vs Crash Holly, Shannon Moore vs Doug Basham and Reverend D'Von vs John Cena. No Albert this week? What is this herecy? The recaps should be fun as well since we had one of the best Smackdowns of all time on Thursday. Dorkus Malorkus and Tazz welcome us before sending us to our first match.

Match 1

Crash Holly vs Billy Kidman

We start the night with cruiserweight action between Kidman and Crash. They shake hands to start and they chain wrestle while the crowd chants "Let's go Elroy!" Crash goes up and over in the corner but Kidman fakes him out when he does it. Kidman hits a flying back elbow smash then sends Crash through the ropes to the outside with a head scissors. Kidman misses a baseball slide to the floor and Crash powerbombs him against the barricade. Tazz is trying to babble on about Brock Lesnar as he's instructed to do by whoever is in his ear, but he gets distracted by the cool looking powerbomb. This is why I hate C shows. Tazz wants to enjoy the match but they're instructed to promote Smackdown, Unforgiven, No Mercy and the upcoming presidential election if Vince McMahon and Kevin Dunn tell them to. Back inside Crash covers for a deuce and hits a scoop slam. Another cover gets only a 1 and Crash locks in a surfboard. Dorkus Malorkus and Tazz continue to yap about Lesnar and Taker. A backbreaker by Crash also gets a two count and locks in a camel clutch. Crash lets him go and jumps on his back then re-applies it. Kidman powers out if it and catches Crash with an inside cradle for a two count. Kidman rallies with a series of clotheslines but misses a charge in the corner. Crash rolls him up and puts his feet on the ropes for 1...2....no. Tazz says referee Jimmy Korderas can't use the excuse his hair got in his eyes because he doesn't have any. Kidman counters a scoop slam with a sit down powerbomb for 1...2...noooo. Crash counters a bulldog and hits one of his own before covering for 1...2....noooo. Crash gets frustrated and Kidman hits an enziguiri. Kidman goes upstairs for the Seven Year Itch but Crash counters and does the Crash Landing for 1...2.....3 to win the match. Solid effort by both men including some good high spots to tell a story. Crash gets the duke as Dorkus Malorkus says Crash has been on a roll on Velocity lately.

Time of match: 4:34

Winner: Crash Holly by pinfall

Before we go to commercial we go to our recap portion and naturally its the amazing No DQ match between Edge and Eddie Guerrero that was half-ladder match. Too bad Edge legitimately injured his neck because to this day that was one of the best Smackdown matches ever. We also get more highlights of the Wrestlemania 19 press conference before we get to our next match.

Match 2

Shannon Moore vs Doug Basham

Moore was making a name of himself on Smackdown as Matt Hardy's lackey but Basham was just waiting for a spot to open up. Basham was one of those guys that spent way too long in the indies/developmental as he was already 31 by this point, which isn't his fault since WCW and ECW bit the dust a year earlier. Like I mentioned in another review, Doug had an incredible match with Chris Benoit a few weeks earlier so all eyes were on him. Tazz gives a shout out to Ohio Valley Wrestling as Dorkus Malorkus says "rookies" like Basham ask Tazz for advice. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Basham was a 9 year veteran at this point, mentored by "Nitro" Danny davis and Jim Cornette. With all due respect, what the hell could Tazz tell him? Moore gets in an arm-ringer and Basham misses a charge in the corner. Moore hits a dropkick and a hurricarana but the cover only gets two. Moore's charge eats ring post and Basham hits a drop toe hold into the second rope. Basham covers for a two and he rams Shannon's head into the corner. Doug hits a clothesline in the corner as Dorkus correctly tells us Moore trained with the Hardy boys (so did Hurricane). Basham locks in a neck lock as the crowd chants "You suck" at Basham. Tazz says both his grandfather and father were named Tazz but his real life father stole the show on Before They Were Superstars. Mr. Senerchia said "I tell my son in high school NO DRUGS! You do drugs, I break your legs, you don't go out! No drugs!" To my knowledge Tazz was never involved in any shenanigans in the ECW locker room so heeded his father's words. Basham takes Matt down and they kind of botch an inverted power bomb into a bulldog spot causing the crowd to boo loudly. A charge by Basham in the corner eats boot and Shannon rallies with forearms. Shannon goes up and over and hits a bodypress for 1...2..no. Shannon hits a spinning heel kick and a rolling neckbreaker. Shannon covers for 1...2...nope. Shannon comes off the ropes and Basham counters with a jumping leg drop....nice. Basham covers and gets 2 and 3/4 before setting Shannon up on the top rope. Shannon elbows Doug off and hits a Halo (modified whil-o-whisp) then covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Kind of a sloppy match but they only had four minutes and probably called it on the fly. Still, some of the spots worked. Tazz says "shades of Jeff Hardy" which is what Dorkus alluded to earlier.

Time of match: 4:12

Winner: Moore by pinfall

Our next recap is the brilliant main event from Smackdown where Rey Mysterio Jr defeated Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit in a triple threat match. Benoit and Angle were so bloodthirsty to destroy each other Rey snuck in and stole the victory. If it wasn't for Eddie vs Edge, that would have been the talk of the week. After that Tazz says our main event will be John Cena against Reverand D'Von. Back from break we get a recap of Brock Lesnar taking out Funaki and busting open The Undertaker after Taker beats up the "ingrate" Matt Hardy. Again, one of the best Smackdown's of all time so I can see why this episode dedicated so much time to the recaps. Let's get to our main event.

Match 3

Reverand D'Von vs John Cena

Where have we seen this before? Cena does the "Word Life" pose despite not having the gimmick yet. They lock up to start and Cena gets the upper hand in the corner. Tazz brings up what I mentioned earlier that the triple threat got overshadowed by Edge vs Eddie Guerrero. Its funny how this Velocity was taped before the very same Smackdown they're mentioning in past tense, gotta love syndication. D'Von misses a line in the corner and eats an armdrag. Cena hits a hiptoss and another arm drag as the announcers mention "ruthless aggression". Cena hits a body press for a two count and another arm drag. The crowd chants "we want tables" as Cena rolls up D'Von for another two count. D'Von sends Cena ass over tea kettle to the outside. Cena gets on the apron and does a face plant to the floor when D'Von hits a forearm. D'Von rolls him inside and puts the boots to him. Some dude in the crowd chants "Cena sucks!" as D'Von rakes the eyes. Cena rallies with strikes and a clothesline, covering for a two count. D'Von hits a lariat on Cena and puts the boots to him again. A cover gets a deuce as Dorkus Malorkus starts babbling about Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker again (I'd love for Lloyd to tell whoever is in his ear to stick it). The crowd chants "boring" as D'Von misses a second rope elbow. Cena hits a series of clotheslines and an atomic drop. A dropkick by Cena gets 1...2....nope. Cena hits a spinning fisherman's suplex (!) and covers for a deuce. Cena goes for the 10 punches in the corner but makes it to four before D'Von slides under and hits a second rope neckbreaker. D'Von covers for 1...2....nope. D'Von goes for a Saving Grace but Cena rolls through. Cena sends D'Von off but the reverend throws Cena over the top rope. Cena catches himself, hits a shoulderblock and sunset flips D'Von for 1...2....3 to win the match. Cena wins the match as Malorkus calls it an upset. D'Von hits Saving Grace after the bell to get some heat back. D'Von hits the wazzup headbutt as Malorkus says "Geeeeeez." D'Von leaves Cena sprawling as we sign off. Decent match for what it was as some of Cena's spots were hilarious. You could tell Cena was due to break out but just needed the right gimmick.

Time of match: 5:11

Winner: Cena by pinfall

Mostly by proxy, this was probably one of the best Velocity's of all time. The recaps were fun because of the great matches and Crash vs Kidman was great for the time frame given. Smackdown was definitely the place to be at the time and good times were coming for sure. As for this show, the opener was great, the second match was meh and the main event was okay. Least there was no Albert this time, right? We got three shows tomorrow with the Raw crew in Beaumont, Texas, Smackdown in Bossier City, Louisiana and Sunday Night Heat. I'll see you in Bossier City.

WWE Velocity (9/14/02)

WWE Velocity

Target Center

Minneapolis, MN

September 14, 2002

Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Michael Cole

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

Last week's Smackdown had Brock Lesnar screw with not only The Undertaker but his pregnant wife Sara as well. Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit can't get along and will duke it out at Unforgiven. Eddie and Chavo Guerrero are back together with Benoit busy with Angle. Lots going on around Smackdown's roster these days so let's get to tonight's Velocity. Mark hypes up tonight's main event of Tajiri and Jamie Noble taking on Crash Holly and The Hurricane.

Match 1

Reverend D-Von vs Shannon Moore

D'Von is grumpy lately after losing the services of Batista while Shannon has been making his name as an upstart cruiserweight. D'von pounds away with forearms at the bell and a big right hand. D'Von punches chokes him in the corner as Cole says a lot of people are saying Batista was responsible for D'Von's success. Moore hits an armdrag and a heel kick before sliding under D'Von. Moore hits a frankensteiner and covers for 1..2...no. D'Von hits a powerslam and kicks away at Moore and Lloyd starts babbling about Paul Heyman. D'Von snap mares Moore and hits a rolling neckbreaker. D'Von covers for a deuce as Cole babbles on about Undertaker and Sara. D'Von drops a knee and puts another chinlock on. D'Von hits a knee to the ribs on Moore and kicks away at him. D'Von punches away at Moore but misses a charge in the corner. Moore gets clotheslined out of mid-air to a nice pop as D'Von starts untying the turnbuckle. While referee Mike Sparks is busy tying it back up, Moore hits a backslide. Sparks turns around for a one count as D'Von hits a sidewalk slam. D'Von misses the top rope headbutt and Moore hits a flying chop. Moore hits a second rope moonsault for 1...2...no. Moore hits a running neckbreaker and covers for a deuce. Moore sends D'Von in the corner, ducks the line and hits a top rope moonsault. Moore covers for 1.2....noooo. D'Von pulls the tunbuckle off and launches Moore face first into it. D'Von hits Saving Grace and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. D'Von cheats to win but he still wins. The announcers were on to something that D'Von on his own just isn't getting it done. Just a matter of time until the office realizes it too. Decent cat and mouse match but nothing special.

Time of match: 5:28

Winner: D'Von by pinfall

Before we go to break, we get hype graphics for not only our main event, but our next match featuring Randy Orton and Billy Kidman. Back from break, our boot of the week is actually Chris Benoit taking the stinkface from Rikishi and Kurt Angle laughing at him. Not exactly a boot but it was memorable. On to the next match.

Match 2

Randy Orton vs Billy Kidman

A rare face vs face encounter is rare for Velocity but here we go. Bell's gone and they chain wrestle to start. Kidman gets a hammerlock and a headlock takeover. Kidman ducks the line and Orton gets headscissors. Orton rolls him up for a deuce and drops him with a shoulderblock. Orton and Kidman trade arm drags and the fans cheer both guys. Kidman dropkicks Orton and covers for 1..2....no. Kidman gets a forearm to the face and Orton hits the backbreaker. Orton covers for 1...2...no. Cole starts babbling about Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit with Orton locking in the arm-bar. Kidman fights his way out of it but runs right into a dropkick. Orton covers for a deuce then Kidman punches his way back. Kidman hits a frankensteiner and covers for 1...2...no. Kidman kicks Orton in the head but runs into the powerslam for 1...2....no. Kidman gets the enziguiri and covers for 1..2...no, Mark tells Cole this is a good match and Cole totally ignores him to talk about Edge, Eddie Guerrero and Chavo Guerrero's stinkface situation. Orton hits a top rope bulldog and covers for 1...2..no. That spot stopped Cole dead in his tracks and Orton hits the flying crossbody for 1..2...nooooo. Orton goes for a powerbomb and Kidman counters with an X-Factor, covering for 1..2....noooo. Kidman goes for the Seven Year Itch but Orton stops him with a right hand. Kidman shoves Orton off and hits the missile dropkick, covering for 1..2....nooooo. Orton kicks Kidman in the ribs, hits Overdrive and covers for 1..2....3 to win the match. That was one of the best Velocity matches of the year, no hyperbole. Lloyd says there were no losers in this one as both put on a great show. He's right for once.

Time of match: 5:29

Winner: Orton by pinfall

We get a graphic for our main event coming up along with Funaki taking on Albert next before break. Back from commercial, its time for the recap. Its the Billy & Chuck wedding and we all knows what happened. Billy and Chuck say its a publicity stunt gone on too long, Eric Bischoff reveals himself to be the wedding justice, and 3 Minute Warning with Rico lay waste to Billy, Chuck and Stephanie McMahon. It was a great reveal even if it was totally tasteless. On to the next match.

Match 3

Funaki vs Albert

Looks like Albert is never getting off this show. Cole laughs at Albert losing to Kidman last week so he's due for a win. Funaki has a microphone and Cole gives him a round applause. Funaki says "This is Funaki....SMACKDOWN NUMBA WUN ANNOUNCA!" Funaki says Albert should have more fun because you can't spell Funaki without fun. Albert plays cat and mouse at the bell, heaving Funaki in the corner with him sticking and moving. Funaki's forearm does nothing but Albert shoulderblocks him down. Albert gorilla presses Funaki and covers for 1..2...no. Cole and Lloyd babble on about the gay wedding that didn't happen as Albert pounds away at Funaki. Albert knees Funaki down as the crowd chants "Shave your back". Albert taunts the crowd as Funaki gets a thumb to the eye. Funaki grabs the hair on Albert's chest and back and Albert sells it. Albert sends Funaki in the corner but misses the charge. Funaki goes for the sunset flip and referee Jimmy Korderas kicks Albert's hand off the rope. Funaki's up and over misses as Albert hits a backbreaker and a stomach breaker combo. Albert covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. The match lasted about 3 minutes and the announcers babbled on about anything but the match for nearly the entirety. Albert beats poor Funaki but wait! Funaki grabs a mic after the mic and declares he's okay, he's still here to have fun. Albert comes back and slingshots him throat first onto the second rope. So much for having fun.

Time of match: 2:42

Winner: Albert by pinfall

The graphic shows our main event is up next as we got to break. Back from commercial we're shown The Undertaker and Matt Hardy's match where Brock Lesnar broke into Taker's locker room to harass Sara. Lesnar attacked Taker and got in Sara's face. After that, its on to our main event.

Match 4

The Hurricane and Crash Holly vs Tajiri and Jamie Noble (with Nidia)

Smackdown's newest member Crash teams with Hurricane in this one. Unfortunately for Crash, any reunion with Hardcore Holly ended with Hardcore breaking his neck on Smackdown. Tajiri and Hurricane start with Hurricane gets an arm-drag takedown, and a shoulderblock. Hurricane poses and Tajiri kicks him in the head. Hurricane puts Tajiri in the tree of woe and stands on his nutsack, ow. Hurricane rams Noble's head into the gonads and sends him out of the ring. Crash tags in for a double suplex but Tajiri tags out to Noble. Jamie slaps Crash and Crash chases him out of the ring where Noble uses Nidia as a shield. Tajiri nails Crash from behind and Noble sends him into the steel steps. Noble sends Crash inside as Cole babbles on and on about The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. Vince McMahon can officially kiss my foot. Noble poses for the irate crowd and Tajiri tags in with a kick to the ribs. Tajiri hits the tarantula and Crash is bleeding from the mouth. Noble and Tajiri do a double stomach breaker and Noble covers for 1...2..no, Hurricane breaks it up. Crash is sent through the ropes to the outside but throws Noble into the side of the ring. Crash sunset flips in but Jamie tags out to Tajiri. Tajiri kicks Crash in the back and ties him up in the tree of row. Tajiri hits a baseball slide and locks in a chinlock. Crash powers out of it and walks into a martial arts kick. Tajiri misses the springboard elbow but a double clothesline drops both of them. Crash gets the hot tag to Hurricane and so does Noble. Hurricane cleans house of Noble and hits a neckbreaker, covering for 1...2...no. Tajiri's charge eats boot and Hurricane hits a blockbuster. Hurricane superkicks Tajiri but his Eye of The Hurricane is blocked. Tajiri kicks Hurricane in the head and Noble knocks Crash off the apron. Noble hits northern lights for 1..2....no. Tajiri tags in but Crash makes the blind tag. Tajiri hits the Buzz Kick to Hurricane but Crash hits the top rope crossbody for 1...2...no, Noble makes the save. Hurricane backdrops Noble out of the ring and Hurricane slingshots himself out onto him. Crash ducks the buzzkick and hits the Styles Clash on Tajiri for 1.2...3 to win the match. Jesus, Crash did it years before Styles did. Good match and it protects Jamie since he didn't take the fall.

Time of match: 6:26

Winners: Crash and Hurricane by pinfall

We sign off here and that was one of the best Velocity's of the year. Orton vs Kidman was one of the best matches on Velocity and the tag match was damn good. Albert killing Funaki was probably the lone bore but he needed a win anyway. Things were heating up on Smackdown with just one week to go before Unforgiven. The next show after this is Raw's house show tomorrow in Laramie, Wyoming. I'll see you there.

WWE Velocity (9/7/02)

WWE Velocity

Resch Center Arena

Green Bay, WI

September 7, 2002

Commentators: Michael Cole and Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel

Smackdown was pretty cool last week plus we got an unintentional Easter egg with the guys who worked this show in the background of the Hardcore Holly/Shannon Moore/Matt Hardy segment. This should be a great show considering who's involved. Let's get to it. Cole and Lloyd welcome us to the show as we get to our first match. Lloyd says our main event is Chavo Guerrero Jr vs John Cena.

Match 1

Billy Kidman vs Albert

Velocity mainstay Albert takes on Kidman in this one. Albert is reeling after losing to Mark Henry so he faces a guy half of Mark's size. The crowd chants "Albert sucks" as Cole & Lloyd hype up the Billy & Chuck wedding...ugh. Albert grabs Billy Kidman by the hair then heaves him into the corner. Albert misses a charge and Kidman goes to the right handed strikes, but Albert drops him with a right hand. A charge in the corner eats Albert's boot and Albert hits his overhead backbreaker. Albert covers for 1..2...no. Albert gets knees to the ribs and chokes him with his boot. Kidman kicks away at Albert's leg but Albert rushes Billy in the corner. Cole and Lloyd babble on about Brock Lesnar as Albert hits a double underarm suplex and covers for 1...2...no. Albert goes to the chinlock then full nelsons him down. Kidman does manage to get in an enziguiri and two forearms. Kidman hits a tornado DDT and covers for 1..2...no.  Kidman goes to the top rope and hits a missile dropkick, covering for 1...2..no. Billy goes back up to the top but Albert powerslams Kidman in mid-air. Albert covers for 1..2...no. Albert's charge in the corner misses and Kidman goes for the sunset flip. Albert puts Kidman on the second rope but Kidman half sunset flip, half rolls up Albert for 1...2...3 to win the match. Wow, Albert's on a losing streak. He does get some heat back by attacking Kidman after the bell, slingshotting him into the second rope. Albert hits the bicycle kick and leaves Kidman laying. Cole says the frustration is boiling over.

Time of match: 4:44

Winner: Kidman by pinfall

We get a graphic for Chavo vs Cena later as Chavo himself cuts a promo. Chavo brings up John's quote of "ruthless aggression" and Guerreros are born aggressive. He dares John to be aggressive as we cut. Back from break our recap is the Billy Gunn/Mysterio match followed by Chuck Palumbo's proposal. Cut to commercial again. Back from break its on to our next match.

Match 2

Funaki vs Mike Awesome

Mike Awesome really needs to get the hell out of WWE and go somewhere else. They're dropping the ball with him almost as bad as WCW did. They got him on Velocity facing Funaki when he should be where Brock Lesnar is. Funaki cuts a promo before the match saying SMACKDOWN NUMBA WUN ANNOUNCA. Funaki brings up Everybody Loves Raymond but everyone loves Funaki here. Mark Lloyd scoffs and Cole says he saw a sign saying Mark sucks. Awesome kicks Funaki to start and heaves him in the corner. Awesome misses a big punch and Funaki rallies with right hands. Funaki hits a second rope crossbody and covers for 1 then Awesome goes flying out of the ring after Funaki moves. Awesome pulls Funaki outside and heaves him into the steel steps. The crowd starts an ECW chant as Awesome throws Funaki against the side of the ring. Cole and Lloyd bicker with each other as Awesome hits a top rope clothesline. He covers for 1..2....no. Awesome punches Funaki to the rope, Funaki kicks him and Mike clotheslines him down. Lloyd brings up Awesome came back from reconstructive knee surgery and still goes up to the top when he can. Mike goes for snake eyes but Funaki counters with a reverse DDT. Funaki kicks Mike in the leg and Awesome's charge in the corner eats boot. Funaki hits the bulldog and covers for 1.....2...no. Funaki hits an enziguri and covers for a 1 count. Awesome hits a sit down powerbomb to keep the announcers from talking about Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker temporarily. Funaki counters the Awesome Bomb then rolls him up for 1....2..3 to win the match. The former ECW Champion that laid a path of destruction until he left for WCW can't even beat Funaki? Behind the scenes Awesome wanted out and this was Vince jobbing him out. Cole sarcastically says Funaki is on a major roll.

Time of match: 3:29

Winner: Funaki by pinfall

Before we go to commercial, we get a graphic for tonight's main event. Back from break our recap is from the six man tag to end Smackdown with Edge, Rikishi and The Undertaker against Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. Once again we go to commercial and when we come back, we get another recap only its the face to face between The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. We get another graphic for the main event coming up only its John Cena's turn to talk. Cena says ruthless aggression isn't a catch phrase, don't EVER count him out. Finally after one last break, its on to the main event.

Match 3

Chavo Guerrero Jr vs John Cena

The rookie against the veteran. Cole calls Chavo a "kid" despite Chavo being just four years younger than him and a spry 32 (next month) years old. They circle to start and Chavo backs him into the corner. Chavo misses a punch and gets arm dragged twice by Cena and tilt-a-whirl slammed. Chavo taunts the irate crowd and they exchange go-behinds before Chavo locks in an armbar. Cena ducks the line and locks in a headlock but Chavo slides under him. Chavo tries a crucifix but Cena blocks it only for Chavo to roll him up for a deuce. Cena backs Chavo to the ropes and Chavo punches John down. Chavo puts the boots to him and goes to work on the left knee. Chavo scoop slams Cena then rams his left leg into the ring apron. Chavo wraps the leg around the bottom rope and taunts the irate crowd. Chavo floors Cena with a European uppercut and chokes him with his boot. Chavo kicks Cena in the corner and again ties the leg up in the second rope. It looks like Chavo is going to deliver Shattered dreams but instead hits a dropkick. He covers for two then kicks away at the left knee. Cena fights back with forearms but Chavo hits a running elbow drop. Chavo applies a bow and arrow and turns it into an inverted STF. Chavo lets go and continues to kick away at Cena and hits another dropkick to the knee. Cena and Chavo exchange forearms in the middle of the ring when Chavo ducks a line only to be backdropped. Cena whips Chavo in the corner but sells the knee. Cena's charge eats boot and Chavo ducks a line. Chavo puts his head down and Cena cradles him up  for 1..2..3...to win the match. Cena makes a hasty retreat as Chavo goes nuts inside the ring. Lloyd says "where did THAT come from?' Oh, you have NO idea. Damn good match for what it was.

Time of match: 6:30

Winner: Cena by pinfall

We sign off here and that was a pretty good show. The babyfaces outwitted the heels in all three matches although the misuse of Mike Awesome was pretty criminal. Booking Albert as a goof is going to look silly down the road but Cena was definitely going to be special someday. All in all it was pretty good for Velocity standards. Tomorrow we have a double shot for house shows and Raw's show is in Cedar Rapids, Iowa at the US Cellular Arena. I'll see you there.

WWE Velocity (8/31/02)

WWE Velocity

Moehgan Sun Casino

Uncasville, CT

August 31, 2002

Commentators: Michael Cole and Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd

Ring Annoncer: Tony Chimel

Welcome to this week's Velocity as there's a lot going on in WWE this week. Stephanie McMahon managed to get not only WWE Champion Brock Lesnar to appear exclusively on Smackdown but The Undertaker as well. Not only that, The Undertaker is the number 1 contender to Brock Lesnar so that's going to be the Unforgiven main event....from the Smackdown side anyway. Unfortunately this particular Velocity doesn't have the Smackdown recaps so we'll just have the matches here.

Match 1

Chavo Guerrero Jr vs The Hurricane

Ex-WCW guys going at it in Chavo and Hurricane to open the show. Bell rings and Chavo throws the Hurricane cape out of the ring and gets clotheslined for it. Hurricane gets a thumb to the eye, doesn't go for an up an over and punches Chavo down. Chavo gets put in the tree of woe and Hurricane stands on his nutsack. Hurricane hits shining wizard and covers for 1..2...no. Hurricane tries a plancha to the floor but Chavo catches him mid-air and clotheslines him down. Chavo rams Hurricane against the apron and punches away at him. Chavo kicks Hurricane in the ribs and throws him in the ring. Chavo kicks Hurricane and drops him with a European uppercut. Chavo taunts the irate crowd then throws Hurricane into the buckle. Chavo clubs away but Hurricane does a unique takedown but Cole and Dorkus are too busy babbling on about The Undertaker....probably under orders from Vince McMahon to do so. Chavo charges in the corner but eats boot, yet still dropkicks Hurricane down. Hurricane covers for 1...2..no. Chavo continues to uppercut Hurricane as Cole starts babbling about the number 1 contender's tournament. Chavo hits a back suplex on Hurricane and covers for 1..2...no. Hurricane blocks a snap suplex and hits Eye of The Hurricane. Hurricane hits a clothesline and a backdrop before going up to the top rope. Hurricane hits the crossbody and covers for 1..2....no. Hurricane hits a running neckbreaker and covers for 1..2...no. Dorkus starts doing the Vince "1,2,3 he got....oh". Hurricane goes for the chokeslam but Chavo blocks it. Hurricane goes for the vertebreaker but Chavo rolls out of it, schoolboys Hurricane and hooks the tights for 1..2...3 to win the match. Damn good match for what it was and Chavo CHEATS to win....you expected anything less from the family tradition?

Time of match: 5:38

Winner: Guerrero by pinfall

We cut to the Smackdown Your Vote clip from Raw before previews for our next matches. Billy & Chuck take on Hardcore Holly and Randy Orton after Orton saved Holly from a beatdown last week on Velocity. The cruiserweight title is on the line as SMACKDOWN NUMBA WUN ANNOUNCA Funaki takes on Jamie Noble. On to the next match since we got no recaps.

Match 2

Albert vs Mark Henry

This match was actually going around the house show circuit this week so may as well put it on Velocity as well. Dorkus says he talked to Albert earlier but Cole says he ran away from him at catering...ha! They lock up to start and Henry throws him into the corner. Cole on commentary insinuates Lloyd is gay without actually saying so as Henry gets a waistlock takedown. Albert gets frustrated and smacks the rope. They circle then Albert gets a kick to the ribs Henry whips Albert in the corner but a charge eats boot. Albert walks right into a press slam by Henry. The crowd pops for that as Albert is 350 pounds. A charge eats elbow and Albert goes for a suplex. Mark hits one of his own as the crowd pops at that too. Henry covers for 1 and jumps on Albert's back to a big ovation. Back inside Albert bicycle kicks Henry over the top rope to the floor then tells the referee to shut his mouth. Albert sends Henry into the barricade and punches away at him. Back inside Henry punches away but gets sent into the corner. Albert lands forearms to the back and an avalanche then hits a Vader Bomb. Albert taunts the irate crowd then locks in a surfboard. Albert tells a fan to shut up as Henry starts to power up. Henry sends Albert in the corner but the charge eats elbow. Henry lands two clotheslines and hits a belly to belly suplex. He covers for 1...2...no.  Albert goes for the Baldo Bomb but can't get him up. Albert walks into the powerslam and Mark covers for 1..2...3 to win the match. Big hoss fight with some big spots that made the crowd pop, not much else you can ask for. 

Time of match: 5:31

Winner: Henry by pinfall

We get a graphic for Funaki vs Jamie Noble and the tag match scheduled later. With no recaps, on to the next match.

Match 3

Randy Orton and Hardcore Holly vs Billy and Chuck (with Rico)

We get a clip showing Orton saving Holly from a beatdown last week and Holly helping Orton win his singles match. All four go nose to nose to start and Billy & Chuck punch the faces to start. Orton drops Billy with a back elbow smash as Holly cleans out Chuck Palumbo. Orton throws Gunn against the barricade as Holly throws Palumbo in the ring. Holly and Orton send Chuck off and drop him with a double elbow. Orton gets on the apron as Holly chops Palumbo in the chest. Holly runs right into a stun gun by Gunn who didn't see it. Chuck punches Holly in the corner then stomps away at him. Gunn tags in to stomp away at Holly. Billy tells referee Mike Chioda to shut up and punches away at Holly in the corner. Billy turns his back allowing Holly to rally back with punches and chops. Billy cuts him off with a clothesline then covers for 1...2...no. Chuck tags in to kick at Holly then hit an overhead belly to belly suplex. Chuck covers for 1.....2..no. Chuck tags Billy who stomps away in the corner then distracts the referee allowing Palumbo to punch him. Orton goes nuts trying to get at the heels and Chioda has to match his intensity to get him out (hahaha). Chuck locks in a chinlock then delivers a backbreaker, covering for 1..2...no. Gunn tags in and stomps away at Holly and goes for the fameasser. Holly counters with a dropkick and Orton jumps up and down on the apron reaching for the tag. Chuck tags in but Holly gets the hot tag to Orton. Orton cleans house on Chuck and Billy, throwing Billy over the top rope to the floor. Orton hits the powerslam on Chuck and goes up to the top rope. Orton hits the crossbody and covers for 1....2...no, Billy breaks it up. Holly decks Billy and follows him outside as Chuck punches Randy in the ring. Orton hits Play of The Day and covers but Rico distracts the ref. Holly knocks Rico off the apron but Gunn sneaks up and hits One and Only. Billy rolls Chuck out of the way and covers for 1..2....3 to win the match. The ol switcheroo gets it done as the heels steal one. Holly is irate in the ring as Cole says Rico did his job. Formulaic tag match but Holly & Orton literally chase Rico, Billy and Chuck to the back for a funny spot.

Time of match: 6:28

Winners: Billy and Chuck by pinfall

We get a graphic for our main event coming up. With no recaps, let's get to it.

Match 4

Funaki vs Jamie Noble (with Nidia) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Funaki gets a good pop as Cole makes fun of Lloyd. Cole brings up the Summerslam make out contest and the guy who tiptoed off the stage. Lloyd "You're the one who kissed her four weeks ago" Michael "At least I kiss women, Lloyd." Good luck getting away with that now. Crowd chants Funaki and Noble gets a knee to the ribs to start. Funaki kicks him in the head but Noble kicks him back. Noble goes outside for no reason and Funaki hits a baseball slide. Nidia throws Noble out of the way and Jamie sneaks in from behind and nails Funaki. Noble rams Funaki in the corner and hits a snapmare. Jamie drops a few elbows and taunts the irate crowd. Noble hits a neckbreaker and covers for a deuce then ties Funaki up in the tree of woe. Noble stretches him to the ring post then pulls him back in. Noble hits a clothesline as Cole goes off on Lloyd. Wow, what's Cole's problem? Funaki sends Noble off the ropes but misses the dropkick. Funaki catches an inside cradle for a 1 count but Noble slides under Funaki and hits a t-bone Taz plex. Noble covers for 1...2...no. Noble drops a leg and applies a modified cobra clutch. Funaki hits a back suplex and an enziguiri then covers for 1...2..no. Funaki hits a running forearm in the corner then a bulldog before covering for 1...2..no. Noble goes for the Tiger Bomb but Funaki goes to backdrop him. Noble counters with a sunset flip but Funaki counters with a victory roll for 1...2..no. Funaki goes for a tarantula but Noble counters with a reverse piledriver (!!!). Noble covers for 1...2...no. Noble goes for another tiger bomb but Funaki backdrops him. Noble charges and eats boot as Funaki hits a second rope tornado DDT and covers for 1..2....NOOOOO. Noble kicks Funaki and finally hits the tiger bomb for 1...2..3 to win the match. Very sudden end but Noble retains. Good match and some of those spots were great for a five minute crash. Funaki grabs the mic after the match and says he's lost to Jamie Noble but he knows the people still love him. The crowd cheers as Funaki goes into his catchphrase and faints in the ring...hahahaha. Good way to end the show.

Time of match: 5:13

Winner: Noble by pinfall (still Cruiserweight champion)

This week had four decent matches and that shows you how good the depth was on Smackdown as even the lower card guys were having good matches. Funaki is definitely getting over doing his thing as Orton has a bright future for sure. Each match was good so hats off to everyone involved. Tomorrow night is a double shot with both Raw and Smackdown house shows and Raw will be in Chicago at the All-State Arena. I'll see you there.