WWE Velocity
Verizon Wireless Arena
Manchester, NH
November 9, 2002
Commentators: Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd and Michael Cole
Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel
This week's Velocity was taped in Manchester before Smackdown so it'll be hilarious to hear Cole & Lloyd talk about events in the past tense that haven't happened yet while these matches were going on. Like I said on the Smackdown editorial, it was a tale of two halves. The first half of the show was meh while the second half was great. Hopefully the recaps focus on the positives....anyway, on to the first match.
Match 1
Crash Holly vs Tajiri
Another Cruiserweight match to open the show....not that its a bad thing. Bell's gone and they tie up to start. Cole and Lloyd immediately ignore what's going on in the ring to babble on about Brock Lesnar and Big Show. Tajiri gets in a test of strength but Crash gets an arm drag. They chain wrestle with a stalemate and Tajiri wants a handshake. Crash slaps the hand away and Tajiri chops him in the chest for it. Crash goes for the tarantula in the corner but Tajiri blocks him and kicks him off the apron. Crash throws Tajiri into the barricade as Cole now babbles on about The Undertaker being on Smackdown next week. Holly gets in a gut-wrench backbreaker as Cole then hypes up next week's Smackdown. Once again, I know its Vince or Kevin Dunn in their ear, but they've devoted maybe 10 seconds in the last two minutes talking about the actual match going on. If I were Crash or Tajiri I'd be pissed because as annoying as Vince himself was on commentary, he'd hype the daylights out of his stars in the ring to get them over. Why couldn't he instruct these two to do the same? Cole now babbles on about Al Wilson as Crash hits a side backbreaker then holds him for a submission hold. Tajiri fights his way out of it. Tajiri goes for a hurracarana but Crash blocks it with a powerbomb. Cole then babbles on about Nidia and Jamie Noble being on Blind Date this Tuesday. Tajiri plays possum with a kick to the head then hits the savate kick. He covers for 1...2...nope. Tajiri hits the handspring elbow but misses a charge in the corner. Holly rolls him up and hook the tights for 1...2..nope. Takiri goes for the sunset flip but Crash holds on to the ropes. Tajiri bridges out and hits a hurracarana but Holly rolls through it. Tajiri hits a dropkick and covers for a 2 3/4....that was REAL close. Lloyd hypes up the upcoming recap of the 2 out of 3 falls match as Tajiri finally hits the tarantula. Tajiri misses the buzz-kick, but sidekicks Crash then finally hits the buzz kick. That looked out of the movie Bloodsport. Tajiri covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Not a bad match but Lloyd and Cole talked about everything BUT the match until the very end. Better late than never because it was actually good for under 5 minutes.
Time of match: 4:49
Winner: Tajiri by pinfall
We cut to Tom Prichard of all people for the recap of....Al Wilson proposing to Dawn Marie. Of all the things they could have led to, THIS was what made Velocity? We head to commercial although the only thing funny about the segment was Cole and Tazz ripping it from start to finish. Back from commercial the Lugz Boot of the Week is Eddie and Rey beating Los Guerreros for the number 1 contender shot from two weeks ago...then again Boot From Two Weeks Ago doesn't have the same ring to it. Finally we get the recap of the 2 out of 3 falls tag team match where we crowned new champs. Then we get a Tough Enough 3 clip where Chad is thrown off the show. Nothing of value was lost. Let's get to our next match.
Match 2
Albert vs Jason Porcaro
Holy schmidt its Jason Porcaro. He was known as Vince Vicallo in Chaotic Wrestling and was trained by Killer Kowalski. Albert tells Jason to give him a free shot as Cole says Jason is his size. True, he was in great shape but was just a bit taller than Spike Dudley. Jason gets in a headlock but Albert heaves him away. Cole makes fun of Jason as Albert drops him with a shoulderblock. Albert drops an elbow and forearms him on the ring apron. Albert rams his head on the mat and then puts him on the top rope, tying him in the tree of woe. Jason hits a headbutt to the ribs but Albert forearms him in the head. Jason runs right into the bicycle kick and gets slingshotted throat first into the second rope. Albert hits the Baldo Bomb and covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. That was a squash right out of 1994 which was common for Kowalski grads at the time.
Time of match: 1:51
Winner: Albert by pinfall
We go to commercial where WWE Anthology is coming out on CD. Those of us who had Napster and Limewire probably had all the theme songs on bootleg CD's anyway. Back from break the JVC Tower of Power is once again Big Show chokeslamming Brock Lesnar. Naturally we get the recap of this past week where Show cuts the promo, Lesnar smashes the TV, Heyman gives Brock a tongue lashing, Eddie vs Brock, Show lays Brock out again. Then we get a Suvivor Series commercial with the schematics of the elimination chamber. Now let's get to our "main event"
Match 3
Funaki and Chuck Palumbo vs D'Von Dudley and Ron Simmons
Like I said in a different write up, Palumbo was completely lost without Billy Gunn so they just stuck him with Funaki to take on D'Von and Ron here. Palumbo and Simmons start with Ron getting the headlock in. Ron shoulderblocks Palumbo but Chuck counters with a powerslam. Cole hypes up the Super Tuesday triple threat match between Edge, Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero. Palumbo covers for a two count with Ron getting a thumb to the eye. Ron backs Chuck into the corner and mule kicks him. Lloyd literally stops what Cole is saying to talk about Lesnar and Paul Heyman.....god this is ridiculous. Simmons goes to pull Chuck up but he's already on his feet, what was that? D'Von tags in but so does Funaki. Palumbo scoop slams D'Von and holds him for the Funaki dropkick. Funaki unloads with D'Von but Dudley drops him with his own right hand. Dudley chops Funaki's chest but Funaki lands two dropkicks then covers for a deuce. Funaki teases a crane kick as Simmons tags in. Cole "Ron is not going to put up with that BS." Ron shoves him backwards and says bring it. Ron stomps and punches away at Funaki but Funaki slides under him. Funaki hits a dropkick but runs into a clothesline. Ron covers for two but Dudley tags in. D'Von hits a back elbow smash then locks in a chin lock. Lloyd keeps babbling about Brock Lesnar as D'Von hits a powerslam. Dudley covers for two but Palumbo gets in the ring to allow a heel double team in the corner. Simmons tags in D'Von but Funaki tries to rally with right hands. D'Von tags Ron back in to apply a chinlock. Ron then goes for the Dominator but Funaki rolls out of it, gets a kick to the ribs and hits a DDT (Mark calls it a bulldog....whoops). Palumbo gets the mid tag and backdrops D'Von then hits an overhead belly to belly suplex. Chuck covers for 1....2...nope. Palumbo hits a discuss punch to D'Von then clotheslines Simmons. A suplex lands on D'Von and a clothesline to Simmons. Palumbo rocket launches Funaki on D'Von for 1....2...nope. Simmons breaks up the count. Palumbo and Simmons brawl to the floor as D'Von hits a neckbreaker off the second rope. He covers for 1....2...nooooo. Funaki rolls up D'Von out of nowhere for 1.....2....3 to win the match. Quick win by Funaki as the heels can't believe it. Palumbo and Funaki win it even if it was formulaic. The announcers sign off.
Time of match: 7:07
Winners: Funaki and Palumbo by pinfall
That about does it for this week's velocity. As usual the mainstays do what they can to put on a show before Smackdown begins. Speaking of which, we got Super Tuesday and one more Smackdown before Survivor Series. They're going to have to announce some matches real quick because all we got are Show vs Lesnar and possibly Kidman vs Noble. As for the next show, we got a double shot tomorrow of house shows for Raw and Smackdown. Raw will be in Hershey, PA to continue their Pennsylvania tour so I'll see you there.
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