Sunday, June 23, 2002

WWE King of The Ring 2002 (6/23/02)


Due to declining ratings and inept booking, this year's 10th annual King of the Ring would be its last. The main feuds in here would be the semi-finals and finals of the KOTR, Kurt Angle vs Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker vs HHH. I should point out that The Rock would be making his return from filming duties to wrestle again as Jamie Noble makes his ppv debut. The tournament semi-finals would pit Rob Van Dam against Chris Jericho and Test against Brock Lesnar. Other matches include Eddie Guerrero vs Ric Flair (who turned face immediately after the Austin feud as I predicted) and Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly in what should be a good women's title match.

June 23, 2002
NATIONWIDE ARENA
Columbus, OH
Commentators: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler


Match 1

Rob Van Dam vs Chris Jericho (KOTR semi-finals)

Van Dam had advanced by pinning Eddie Guerrero and X-Pac on Raw while Jericho took a forfeit from Edge (out with a shoulder injury) and a submission victory over Val Venis on Smackdown. Rob had previously won the IC title back from Eddie Guerrero but the title is not on the line in this match. Jericho gets the early advantage as JR shills the both of them. Jericho hits a shoulderblock and says "I'm the king of the world". They do a series of leapfrogs before Van Dam gets the upper hand but Jericho counters and the crowd gives them a standing O at the end. Rob then does his R.....V....D taunt in Jericho's face so Y2J slaps him across the face. Rob boots him in the face in retaliation. Van Dam hits a rolling monkey flip and a spinning leg drop which merrits a 2 count. A minor ECW chant breaks out as Jericho hits his facelock takedown and then puts the boots to him. Y2J hits a spinning heel kick but misses the second rope dropkick on the apron....and goes flying over the top rope to the floor. Rob hits a sommersault plancha before heaving Chris back in and going upstairs. Rob hits a one legged missle dropkick and goes for the 5-star but Jericho alertly kicks the referee into the ropes, crotching Van Dam in the process. Rob and Chris go back up top but this time Y2J hits a double-arm suplex but the cover only gets 2. Jericho goes to work in the corner but a charge eats boot, and Rob hits a drop toe hold cradle combo for another 2 count. Y2J quickly gains momentum with a clothesline then exposes the turnbuckle. Rob catches Jericho with a cradle from out of nowhere but the ref is busy trying to put the turnbuckle back on. Chris hits the facebuster that pinned Rob at Survivor Series but this time he kicks out. Jericho begins choking rob on the second rope and then with a roll of athletic tape. Jericho goes for a running jump but Rob moves out of the way, causing Chris to crotch himself on the second rope. Chris sends Rob off the ropes and catches him with a knee to the mid-section then locks in a surfboard. King mentions a possible all-Canadian final with Jericho against Test as JR brings up the Canadians victory over the USA in the Ice Hockey final of the 2002 Winter Olympics. Ugh, you had to mention that?? They trade blows before Rob moves and Jericho goes shoulder first into the ringpost. Rob hits 2 spinning heel kicks in succession and then a springboard savate kick. Rob hits a step-over heel kick and a cartwheel moonsault for the 1.....2...noooo. Jericho hops over a sweep attempt by Rob and hits a standing enziguri. The cover gets 1...2..nope, Rob kicks out and you can hear a clear Y2J chant being overdubbed with an RVD chant. Jericho goes for the facebuster but Rob blocks it, then Jericho ducks under a heel kick and hits an overhead German suplex for a long 2 count. Jericho catches Rob with a kick to the face but charges into a hot-shot by Van Dam. Rob hits the split-legged moonsault for a 2 count and hits a shoulderblock/backflip combo but Jericho rolls into a sunset flip. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho but Rob turns into an inside cradle for a 2 count. Rob catches Chris mid-air and slingshots him into the exposed corner, but Chris lands feet first on the second rope but jumps into a crescent kick. Jericho rams Rob face first into the exposed steel and rolls him up for the 1..2...NOOOOOOOO. Jericho can't believe it and hits the facebuster but misses the lionsault. Rob hits a back-heel kick and goes upstairs but misses the 5-star frog splash attempt. Jericho finally hits the lionsault but Rob shockingly gets the shoulder up. Rob goes for a frankensteiner but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho. Rob makes it to the ropes and crawls onto the apron, where Jericho rams him into the ring post. Jericho goes upstairs but Rob crotches him and when Chris falls off....Van Dam hits the 5-star frog splashes and covers for the 1..2..3...that's it. Rob Van Dam advances to the finals as Lawler hits the ring to get a word with Rob. Right then and there I knew something was up because King never does this and sure enough, Jericho pulls a sore loser and attacks Rob from behind. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho before the refs pull him off as JR calls him a pathetic loser. I guess the point of this was to put Van Dam over as the face long-shot (Roberts in 96, X-Pac in 98) to win the finals. Very good opener with no rest-holds.

Time of Match: 14:32

Winner: Rob Van Dam by pinfall

 The next segment is Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar in the locker-room beaming about Van Dam getting attacked. Heyman imitates Godzilla and says that the monster is fake but Brock is real and says the time is now to prove the next big thing....is the next big king. The 6'6 Test was pretty much the next logical step since Lesnar had destroyed everyone he's come in contact with at this point.


Match 2

Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs Test (KOTR semi-finals)

Brock had made mincemeat out of Bubba Ray Dudley and Booker T on Raw while Test snuck by The Hurricaine and Hardcore Holly on Smackdown to set up this match. Brock enters to the theme song everyone knows today although I still say his first one back in April wasn't so bad. JR brings up Lesnar's dominance in his Minnesota wrestling days as Test stares him down. Test is actually taller than Brock but the sheer mass of Lesnar makes Test look scrawny in comparison. They lock up to star but Lesnar powers Test in the corner and hits a series of hard shoulderblocks. Lesnar works over Test but a charge in the corner eats elbow and Test hits a series of clotheslines. Test goes for the big boot but Lesnar retreats under the rope and re-groups with Heyman who says "watch the boot!" Test continues to work Brock over in the corner and stomps a mudhole in him. This is the first time since Lesnar's debut he looks in any form of danger but on cue Lesnar takes over with right hands. Lesnar bull rushes but eats another elbow, then Test mistakenly charges into a spinebuster. Lesnar hits a hard irish whip that floors Test and begins stomping away. A slugfest ensues before Lesnar hits a back suplex for a near fall. Brock picks him up and hits a backbreaker but Test rallies with fists and an inverted atomic drop. Test charges but Lesnar hits a powerslam and covers for a 2 count. They botch a sleeper hold attempt so Lesnar hits forearms to the back but runs into a side-slam by Test. Brock recovers quickly although Test hits a running clothesline into the corner followed by another one and finishes with a full-nelson slam. Test goes for the pump handle slam but Lesnar blocks it. Test goes for it again and hits it for the 1..2....NOOOO Lesnar kicks out. Test misses the big boot and Brock counters with a powerbomb attempt, but Test blocks it and goes for another boot and catches him with it. The cover gets 1.....2..nope. Brock kicks out and Test can't believe it. Test goes for another big boot but Heyman hops up on the apron and distracts him long enough for Brock to sneak up and hit the F-5. 1..2....3 that's it and Lesnar advances to the finals against Rob Van Dam. Not as terrible as I thought it would be but not a good match, it served its purpose of setting up Lesnar's push.


Time of Match: 8:18

Winner: Brock Lesnar by pinfall

    The next segment is Jonathan Coachman in the Raw locker-room interviewing Bubba Ray Dudley about who he thinks is going to win the King of the Ring finals. In the background you can see Matt Hardy, Bradshaw and Shawn Stasiak...what a crew. Bubba says that Lesnar is going to win although he prefers Van Dam. Next is some dorkus malorkus in the Smackdown locker room interviewing Lance Storm and Christian, and they say that it should be an all-Canadian final and scoff its an all-American. Christian says the company and America are prejudicial against Canadians.....apparently this is where the whole Un-Americans storyline started. On to the next match..


Match 3

Jamie Noble (with Nidia) vs The Hurricane for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

The Jung Dragons vs 3 Count feud apparently is alive after all as Jamie Noble (Jamie-san) faces The Hurricaine (Shane Helms) for the Cruiserweight title. Noble is making his debut as a redneck and Nidia is his ditzy sidekick. The storyline to this is rather absurd as Nidia is the ex-g/f of The Hurricaine who he dumped, so she's with Noble to get revenge. I thought the Hurricaine character was kind of funny for a while but it really held back Helms' career. They tie up to start and Hurricaine sends him flying and then hits a roll up before they do a chain wrestling sequence. Noble gets the upperhand in the corner and King asks JR if he's ever been in a trailor park before. Hurricaine gets offense in but Noble blocks the chokeslam attempt. Hurricaine hits a superkick and applies a leg-lock chokehold as the crowd chants "She's a crackwhore" Noble reverses Hurricaine and Nidia grabs his leg, causing Shane to run to the outside and chase her but eats a clothesline from Noble. Jamie covers him inside for a 2 count and then goes on offense as JR and King debate over King's infatuation with women half his age. "Look at the way she squats JR" says King as JR scoffs and says "Squats??!! who does squats in wrestling?" Noble locks in an abdominal stretch and turns it into a back suplex for a near fall. Hurricaine hits an inside cradle and a flying bodypress for near falls but Noble stalls the momentum with a backdrop. The ensuing cover gets a 2 as Noble locks in a horrible rings of saturn. King makes sexual references toward Nidia as JR scoffs and prefers to call the action. Hurricaine hits his arm-cross takedown and then a sleeper hold, but Noble counters with a jawbreaker. Noble hits a sleeper of his own (Hayes: Is this 2002 or 1982) and Hurricaine revives with fists then scores with a neckbreaker. Noble runs into the corner but Hurricaine hits the blockbuster, which Noble counters at 2. Hurricaine goes for the finisher but Jamie counters with a bridged german suplex for a long 2 count. Hurricaine quickly recovers and finally hits his finisher for 1...2..noooo, Jamie-San kicks out. Hurricaine goes for the cape but Nidia snatches it away. Hurricaine then tries to suplex Noble on the apron but Jamie misjudges the distance and lands hard on the outside. Hurricaine goes upstairs and hits a flying bodypress. Hurricaine rolls Jamie inside and then Nidia kisses him to distract long enough for Noble to hit a baseball slide. They both go upstairs from opposite ends of the apron and Hurricaine hits a neckbreaker from the top rope. Hurricaine goes for the cover but Nidia hops up to distract the ref before Hurricaine comes over and gives her the business. Noble charges but Helms moves out of the way causing Noble to crash into Nidia and into a Hurricaine chokeslam. The cover gets 1...2...NOOOOOO, the crowd thought that it was over. Hurricaine goes upstairs but Noble runs into the ropes causing Helms to crotch himself.  Noble hits a powerbomb and covers but Hurricaine puts his foot on the rope...until Nidia knocks it off (BRILLIANT) for the 1..2...3 to end the match. JR scoffs but Jamie Noble is the new WWE Cruiserweight champion in a decent match that was kind of dumbed down with the gimmicks. Nidia then pounces on Jamie in the ring and they celebrate as King squeals. Again...good match, bad gimmicks.


Time of Match: 11:38

Winner: Jamie Noble by pinfall (New Crusierweight champion)

The next segment shows the return of The Rock on Heat as the crowd goes wild. We then go to Terri who interviews Eddie Guerrero about his match with Ric Flair by showing what happened last week on Raw when Benoit turned heel on an interview saying Flair drove Steve Austin out of WWE and he's ruining his life as well as Eddie's. The whole purpose of this match was because Flair lost a winner-take-all match on Raw to Vince McMahon so the whole co-owner storyline could end. Now Flair is just an active performer and his first feud will be against Guerrero. This should be a good match which actually happened 6 years earlier in WCW with a lot less fanfare. In the actual interview Eddie says hi to his brothers and about a hundred different women (in real life he was separated from Vicki at this time and he shockingly knocked his g/f at the time up). Guerrero then says Flair can't do half the moves Eddie can and mocks Flair about his "one last run". Flair's last run would last about six more years.


Match 4

Ric Flair vs Eddie Guerrero

 This should be a good match but the key word is should. Flair makes his entrance as JR brings up how Brock Lesnar's interference led to Flair's downfall in his match with Vince (and later Brock pinned Flair to cement his status as a legitimate main eventer) They tie up to start as JR says Eddie is younger and faster but Flair is the dirtiest player in the game. They both stall, Guerrero says WOOOOOOO and JR tells how Austin walked out in the middle of his feud with Guerrero. They do a leapfrog segment which ends with a dropkick by Guerrero then Flair regroups on the outside. Eddie taunts but Flair nearly corner chops him out of the ring. Eddie rolls to the outside as Flair struts inside, too much stalling going on here especially with 4 matches still to come. Guerrero goes to work in the corner with chops of his own before Flair reverses it. He hits headlock with punches combo followed by a low-blow. King says "Latino Heat has cooled off". Flair continues to hit rights and lefts in the corner before hitting a chop off the irish whip, then Eddie retreats to the outside to regroup. They stall some more before Eddie finally sommersaults back in about 2 minutes later and hits a nice takedown. Flair turns a facelock into a suplex but Guerrero counters with a dropkick to the left knee. Eddie then goes to work on the left leg with stomps and elbow drops before Flair counters a figure four attempt with an inside cradle for a near fall. Eddie chops Ric in the corner and then locks in a hold then rams the left leg into the ring post. Guerrero slingshots himself from the apron into a knee drop then does the same thing out of the ring onto the left leg. Back inside Guerrero locks in a figure four as JR says Buddy Rogers was the first to use the figure four. Eddie milks it for momentum as Flair oversells it to death, but that's how you put people over. Ric finally makes it to the ropes then is attacked in the corner by Eddie with fists. Eddie hits a snapmare then a rolling blockbuster but Flair counters with chops. Eddie then hits another snapmare and a rest hold as the crowd goes to get some nachos. Flair backs Eddie into the corner and they exchange chops before Eddie goes for the ol thumb to the eye. Flair ducks a charge and Guerrero goes flying outside as Flair does the "Flair Flop". Guerrero snaps Flair off the top and hits a vertical suplex before going for the frogsplash. Eddie dives off but misses so Flair hits a chopblock and teases a figure-four attempt as Chris Benoit walks to ringside. Flair finally hits the figure-four as Benoit cheers on Eddie but doesn't attack just yet. Eddie makes it to the ropes but Flair continues to work over Eddie with chops before Eddie reverses a suplex into a rolling prawn for a long 2 count. Eddie hits a backslide for 2 and they trie to do a rising backslide but Eddie can't lift Flair so he just gets off. Ric chops Eddie in the corner but a charge eats elbow as Guerrero goes upstairs. Eddie hits a tornado ddt and covers but Flair gets the foot on the rope. Eddie stomps and punches away and as the ref restrains Eddie, Benoit pulls Flair out and locks in the crippler crossface. The ref goes outside and gives Benoit the heave-ho as Guerrero complains from the inside. All of a sudden Bubba Ray Dudley comes through the crowd and hits the Bubba-Bomb on Eddie as Benoit breaks free and chases him away. Ric crawls over and covers for 1....2....3.. to win the match. Benoit comes back inside to chase Flair away but Ric comes away the winner. Eddie looked really impressive I must admit but there was too much stalling, also it was great to see Chris Benoit again since his return from neck surgery. Like I mentioned on the Backlash review, Guerrero probably had to job for awhile because of his previous reckless behavior to earn Vince's trust back. Slowly but surely Eddie would climb back into the good graces.

Time of Match: 17:00

Winner:  Ric Flair by pinfall

 The next segment is a Get the F out commercial which I already explained in my Judgement Day piece and then going to The World in NYC where William Regal and Christopher Nowinski complain that other people got their orders before they did. This would be the ppv debut of Nowinski as an active performer since his Tough Enough days. When their orders arrive Nowinski mocks the girl for going to a community college so she spits in his soup before serving it. After the hijinks we go to the next match


Match 5

Molly Holly vs Trish Stratus for the WWE Women's Championship

 This should be a good match although it would lead to a very very stupid and untrue storyline, but I'll get to that in due process. Molly starts off with a bodyslam and an elbow drop for a 2 count as JR and King scoff at Molly's "virgin ways". Molly hits a back bodydrop and a hair-pull takedown as King tries to get a "She's a fat-ass" chant going. Before I go any further I'd like to point out this was the first storyline was based purely on an out and out lie. There's a difference in saying Umaga's a dirty samoan since Umaga the character is from Samoa even though the real life man is not, but saying Molly Holly has a big ass when she actually doesn't is really dumbing down the fans IQ's worse then they already are. Anyway Molly continues to beat up Trish until Stratus rallies with right hands. JR further tries to stir the pot by saying "I betcha Molly's never worn a thong in her life" shame on you JR, I expect that from King not from you! Molly hits a decent Fujiwara armbar takedown as Trish oversells it as usual. King "What kind of thong do you wear JR?" Ross "That is a repulsive thing to even envision, you're gonna make little kids run to their rooms." Molly hits an axehandle to the back as JR says its against Oklahoma state laws to sell thongs to men. Trish goes for a boot but Molly catches the foot, so Trish turns it into a victory roll...beautiful. Trish ducks under a clothesline and hits a neckbeaker for a nearfall then throws Molly against the rope into a rolling prawn for another 2 count. Molly hits a drop-toe hold and Trish goes crashing into the second rope. Molly chokes down Trish with her boot and then dropkicks Stratus to the outside. Molly rolls out and throws her against the ring and over the barricade into the crowd. JR brings up the upcoming Divas Undressed event (another unmitigated disaster). Molly taunts the crowd and Trish chick kicks her off the apron as King says "Would you play naked twister with Molly?" JR "No I wouldn't, I'm a happily married man" The thought of those two together makes me long for Bushwhackers match but luckily Trish and Molly continue to entertain. Trish hits the stratusphere on Molly off the top rope and then chops her into the ropes before spanking herself in a taunting fashion. Molly then misses a clothesline so Trish continues the assault and then hits a clothesline. Trish hits another chick kick and goes for the Stratusfaction, but Molly counters with a bridging german suplex for the 1..2...NOOO, Trish kicks out. Molly hits a hairgrab takeover and goes upstairs as King and JR debate on what to call the Molly Go Round. Its funny how these 2 coincidentally just noticed the size of Molly's posterior since she's been on the active roster for three years at the time. Anyway Molly misses the attempt and Trish rolls her up, but Molly rolls through it and hooks the tights for the 1...2...3 and we got a new champion. King says it was the survival of the fattest even though Trish was pretty much the same size. From an athletic standpoint it was a great match but the stupid storyline ruins everything.

Time of Match: 5:41

Winner: Molly Holly by pinfall (new Women's champion)

The next segment has the same dorkus malorkus from earlier interviewing Kurt Angle about his upcoming match with Hulk Hogan. Kurt still wears the wig/headgear combo and scoffs at the title of the match being Battle of the Real American Heroes. Kurt "What the hell....did Hulk Hogan ever do to become a real American hero? The only reason Hogan became a real American hero is because Vince made him one. If Vince wanted Hogan to be a zoo-keeper, he would have been a zoo-keeper."  Its a wonder Hogan didn't sue Angle for that like he did Russo for calling him bald. We then go up to Michael Cole and Tazz to show us a highlight package of how this started. Hogan said he was going to retire and then Vince McMahon came out and said hellllll no (from a storyline standpoint wouldn't he have been overjoyed to have Hogan out of his hair?) Then Kurt Angle attacked and set up this match.


Match 6

Hulk Hogan vs Kurt Angle

In his only other King of the Ring appearance, Hogan was defeated by Yokozuna and left WWE shortly after, lets hope history repeats itself. For whatever reason the crowd goes nuts over Hogan's entrance complete with Voodoo Child (RIP Jimi). The announcers make fun of Kurt's baldness but also allude to Hogan's near-baldness and I wonder if Hogan would sue....wait I already asked that earlier. A lot of lawsuits would be going around if this were WCW, but luckily its WWE. The crowd chants for Hogan while the bell starts and they circle around as JR shills the both of them. Hogan tosses Angle into the corner and taunts him but Angle hits a standing go behind. Angle turns a headlock into a top wrist-lock as Hogan still has the bandana and Angle has the wig on. During the downtime King says there are Hulkamaniacs in Tanzania, and the fans sure loved the shoulderblock Hogan hits on Angle. Kurt rolls to the outside and regroups as Hogan taunts from inside the ring. Angle goes for punch/kick offense and hits a clothesline as Hogan looks a step too slow. What I mean is when Angle whipped Hogan, he was already in clothesline position as Hogan jogged off the ropes and how's Hogan supposed to make this look interesting if Angle's moving too fast? Hogan sidesteps Kurt and heaves him over the top to the floor. Hogan goes outide and hulka punches him before sending Kurt into the black barricade. Hogan rams Angle's head into the turnbuckle 9 times and hits a windup punch for the 10. Hogan goes to remove the wig but Angle counters with a boot to the nads. Kurt stomps away before chopping him in the corner followed by right hands. Kurt hits a back suplex as JR defends Hogan by saying he's entertained fans all over the world for over 20 years. Angle hits another back suplex and covers for a near fall before choking him with his knee in the second rope. JR says a lot of people from other countries cheer Hogan but King answers by saying "Well people around the world cheer Hogan only because they probably hate Angle, after all Angle beat their best representatives that their countries had to offer in the Olympics." Good point.....but Hogan counters a suplex attempt with a vertical one of his own. Hogan ducks under a clothesline and hits a scoop slam as King asks JR who Angle beat for the Gold Medal and Ross answers "an Iraqi" so King says "Yeah, I betcha there aren't any fans of Kurt Angle in Iraq" Actually Jadidi was Iranian but never let the truth interfere with a cheap-shot against the country you're at war with. Angle locks in a sleeperhold (yawn) as Hogan does the fade then revive routine. Hogan counters into a sleeper of his own, but Kurt hits a back suplex to stall the momentum. Hogan misses a clothesline so Kurt hits the angleslam and covers for the 1...2...noooo Hogan got the shoulder up. Kurt pulls the straps down but Hogan hulks up......oh great. Hogan hits the punches and the big boot as the crowd goes wild, then he pulls the wig and headgear off. Hogan goes for another big boot so Kurt rolls outside and taunts him. Kurt teases walking away but then grabs a steel cheer and runs inside, only to hit himself with the chair and get caught with a big boot by Hogan. Hogan goes for the leg drop but Kurt catches the leg on the way down and turns it into the ankle lock. JR screams "Has Hogan ever tapped out? Has Hogan ever given up?" Apparently he never saw Starrcade 97 where Hogan lost by submission to Sting. Anyway Hogan reaches for the ropes but Kurt pulls him back to the center of the ring as the crowd gets a "Hogan" chant going. Hogan rolls over and tries to kick him off but Kurt hangs on. Hogan makes it to the ropes but Kurt pulls him away and back into the center where Hulk TAPS OUT! Angle wins by submission and he puts the wig and headgear back on. The announcers speculate if Hogan hadn't taunted Angle when he pulled the wig off, he would have won by count-out. At least Hogan is willing to put over younger and more athletic stars (or maybe Vince ordered him to) because from an in-ring standpoint Angle was a much better wrestler and not a bad performer. At this point in his career with his prime days long gone, the least he could do would use his drawing power to have high profile matches with the likes of Lesnar, Angle, Rock and others. This was actually pretty good by Hogan standards.

Time of Match: 12:08

Winner: Kurt Angle by pinfall

The next segment is Booker T and Goldust in the back discussing the return of The Rock. Booker T was kicked out of the nWo by the new leader.....SHAWN MICHAELS. Yes, the retired Shawn Michaels who was one of the primary adversaries of the nWo during the Nitro vs Raw heydey until he suffered the back injury. Anyway Goldust is dressed as The Rock and begins cutting a promo until the real Rock shows up. The Rock shows Goldust how to do the cheap plug promo and goes completely off with a killer rhyme before Booker answers with an equally good one. Goldust tries to join in but can't and The Rock and Booker just stare at him. The Rock then says he's going to watch the main event but runs down Goldust in the process. The Rock then says he and Booker will team up to beat the crap out of the nWo. After the hilarity its on to the Finals.


Match 7

Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs Rob Van Dam (KOTR Finals)

 Ah yes, the classic rested steamrolling heel (Bam Bam, Mabel, Austin) against the never-say die exhausted babyface (Bret, Vega, Roberts) Finals match. Van Dam comes out and looks fine, so there goes that previous statement. Once again, Van Dam's IC title is not on the line but what's at stake is an automatic shot at whoever the champion is at Summerslam. Heyman is on the apron saying "You're one victory away Brock, one victory away." Heyman drops down as the bell rings, then Brock starts by driving Rob into the corner but Rob starts with quick fists. Rob kicks the right leg a few times before backsaulting over Brock to delive a crescent kick. Rob goes for the monkey flip in the corner but Lesnar hits a powerbomb to stall the momentum. Lesnar puts the boots to Van Dam then drives him into the corner before doing the same in the opposite one. Brock hits a huge powerslam and covers for a near-fall before putting more boots to him. Brock hits 2 consecutive back-breakers and then a bear hug as JR says Heyman isn't one of his favorite people. Brock drives him into the corner again and hits football shoulderblocks but misses a charge and eats ringpost. Brock tries to counter a heel kick but Van Dam rolls out of the running powerslam attempt and once again goes for the legs of Lesnar. Rob hits 2 jump kicks that barely fazes Brock then hits one from the top rope that does floor him. Rob hits rolling thunder and covers but Brock throws Van Dam off like he was nothing. Rob hits a spinning leg drop and goes upstairs and hits the 5-star frog splash. Heyman hops up and snaps Rob off the top rope, who then falls right on top of Lesnar for 1...2...NOOOOOO Brock just got the shoulder up and a lot of people thought that was the finish. Heyman almost has a heart attack and then Rob hits a baseball slide to knock the hat off exposing Paul's bald head. Rob goes back upstairs and tries a bodypress but Brock catches him mid-air and hits the F-5. Brock covers for  1....2....3 that's it, Brock Lesnar is the 2002 King of the Ring. From an athletic and storyline standpoint it makes sense to put Brock over this way and also brings back memories of Yokozuna who beat Bret Hart at Wrestlemania 9 for the WWF title.....which was Yoko's 5th month in the company. No matter who the champion is at Summerslam, Brock Lesnar awaits.


Time of Match: 5:42

Winner: Brock Lesnar by pinfall (2002 King of the Ring)

 The next segment is HHH walking into the nWo and is greeted by Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash....and they proceed to group hug. He then smiles and hugs X-Pac but barely gives Big Show a look. The point of this was to show the nWo had HHH's back although HHH was on Smackdown. Its funny because the watered down nWo had in essence only Big Show and X-Pac as active workers since Shawn had been retired for years with a back injury and Nash was healing a torn quad. We go back up to Michael Cole and Tazz who gives us a run-down on the feud. Those who've been following my reviews to this point knows the background to the feud, but to those who don't I'll give a quick run-down. HHH met Hulk Hogan for the WWE title at Backlash and thanks to The Undertaker, Hogan came away with the strap. The next month Taker beat Hogan for the title and since HHH never got his rematch with Hogan, he pertained the right to face Taker for the title. During the highlight package it shows that HHH comes out and saves Randy Orton from a beatdown....yes, THAT Randy Orton who was still a rookie on Smackdown. Was this ever mentioned again? Also was a number one contender's match between Hogan and HHH and Hunter actually pinned Hogan clean with the pedigree.....talk about Hogan seeing the error of his ways. Anyway you know the drill, Taker vs HHH again but this time The Rock is going to be on hand, basically saying he's got winner next month at Vengeance.



Match 8

HHH vs The Undertaker for the WWE Heavyweight Championship

 As if we didn't see a long match between these 2 last month at Insurrextion, I suppose we have to sit through another one. Luckily we got a saving grace because Paul Heyman decided to join in on commentary. They stare down in the middle and they exchange blows as HHH gets the upper hand. Taker eats an elbow but works over HHH in the corner as referee Earl Hebner says "HEY! HEY!" HHH hits a choke takedown and clotheslines him over the top rope to the floor. HHH rams Taker's head into the steel steps and HHH whips him into them. HHH works over Taker before both roll inside where Taker goes on offense. Taker hits a series of fists in the corner as Heyman asks why HHH's elbow is all taped up. Undertaker misses a big boot and crotches himself in the turnbuckle, then HHH hits a 10 punch in the corner before Taker hot-shots him. Taker hits hits a clothesline and covers for a 1 count. Heyman asks "Hey King, wouldn't you sell six of your nine ex wives for a shot at the title?"  Taker hits a headbutt and more slow placed maneuvers before HHH rallies, only to be hit with a side slam by Big Evil. Taker chokes HHH on the second rope and then attacks him on the apron with a leg drop. A cover gets a near fall and HHH begins to fire back with fists, but eats a big boot. Taker heaves HHH outside and rams his had into the steel steps, but Hunter counters with a suplex on the floor. Back inside Taker scores with a clothesline and a leg drop for another 2 count. Taker goes for a superplex as Heyman tells a cockamamie story of how Lesnar beat up The Rock in the backstage area. HHH blocks the superplex and then hits a back suplex, but HHH counters with a flying clothesline. Taker exposes the turnbuckle and goes to ram HHH it, but Hunter counters and whips Taker into it. HHH ducks under a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. HHH hits a sloppy looking spinebuster and covers for a near fall then Taker hits snake eyes on the exposed steel but HHH hits a high knee. Didn't even sell the snake eyes for 2 seconds, but he does sell the ddt Taker hits. HHH and Taker exchange blows then Taker slingshots HHH into Hebner. Taker charges but HHH rolls out of the way and he splashes Hebner instead. Hebner falls like a dead deer and they hit a bad looking double clothesline which leaves both HHH and Taker sprawled out. IF YA SMELLLLLL, WHAT THE ROCK...... IS COOKIN blares over the speakers and The Rock makes his entrance. The Rock chases Paul Heyman away and sits in on commentary, he then tells how Lesnar didn't attack him but shook his hand instead. Taker rolls outside and grabs a chair as The Rock shills the 2 men inside. HHH blocks the chairshot with boots and hits a facebuster before clotheslining him over the top rope to the floor. HHH and Taker go at it outside and Taker suddenly big boots The Rock into Carlos Cabrera knocking them both down. Taker grabs another chair and goes to hit HHH but The Rock cuts him off and fires away with punches, Rock grabs the chair and goes to hit Taker but he ducks and Rock levels HHH instead causing Hunter to blade. Taker heaves Rock into the ringpost and rolls HHH inside then calls for the last ride. Taker hits the last ride but Hebner is still down and out, until Nick Patrick hits the ring and counts for 1....2..nooo. Taker "What the hell was that?" then he knocks Nick Patrick out. Rock back inside punches away and hits the rock bottom on Taker then leaves the ring for good. We got 2 referee's down, HHH is down, Undertaker is down....look at the carnage. HHH crawls over and drapes the arm over but Hebner takes too long and Taker kicks out at 2. Both take forever to get back up but HHH hits the pedigree out of nowhere, but he's got no energy to cover him. He finally rolls over and covers but Hebner is still recovering, so he drags the carcas to the center of the ring where Taker hits a low blow on Hunter. Taker rolls up HHH for 1.....2.....3 and Taker retains the title. JR "We've all respected The Undertaker for his accomplishments, but his attitude sucks!" Taker then taunts The Rock by the entrance way after the match which sets him off and bolts to the ring. The Rock fires at Taker with rights and hits a spinebuster. He then hits the people's elbow but as he celebrates he runs into HHH who hits the pedigree, which is understandable. HHH turns around into a chokeslam by The Undertaker. Taker leaves with the title as Rock and HHH are sprawled out in the ring, this should set up Vengeance nicely. Bad match but the return of The Rock made it special.


Time of Match: 23:44

Winner: The Undertaker by pinfall (still WWE Champion)

 
  From an in-ring standpoint this was one of the better ppv's of the year but with the stupid gimmicks and hot-shot booking, the ppv didn't draw the ratings it was supposed to. The only match that wasn't that great was the main event but even the return of The Rock saved that one. Its too bad things turned out the way they did as this would be the last King of the Ring ppv and the last tournament for four years. The next PPV would be Vengeance.  3 Stars out of 5 because the in-ring action was hot....but the buildup and storylines were agoobwa (so bad I had to make up a word).

Monday, May 27, 2002

WWE Raw (5/27/02)



WWE Raw
Skyreach Centre
Edmonton, Alberta
May 27, 2002


Commentators: Jerry "The King" Lawler and Jim Ross

Ring Announcer: Lilian Garcia


We're done with Judgment Day and we're now on the road to the King of The Ring. Ric Flair's heel turn has him now doing the Vince McMahon role on Raw with Vince himself on Smackdown. Still, with the KoTR approaching, Raw is going to need some momentum to keep up with Smackdown. The Undertaker needs an opponent and a Hulk Hogan rematch seems unlikely. Let's see what happens. There were no dark matches so let's get to the action.

Chris Benoit's theme hits for the first time in damn near a year and sure enough, here he comes to a standing ovation. Apparently Benoit was on the cover of the Edmonton Journal that day. Ross says Chris Benoit is bigger than Wayne Gretzky to Edmonton wrestling fans....that's a bit of a stretch. The crowd is so loud that Benoit is choked up. He finally grabs a mic and says it feels good to be back. He says he was drafted to Smackdown but there was no way he was going to miss tonight in Edmonton. He says he's a few weeks away from being medically cleared and he's the best damn technical wrestler in the world today. Benoit says he's got a good reason for being here but he's interrupted by Intercontinental Champion "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero. Ross says Steve Austin was supposed to be here but hasn't arrived due to a family emergency. Guerrero says he missed Benoit but he missed his jealousy more. He claims Benoit's always been jealous of Eddie Guerrero and Eddie's the one with all the talent in the Radicalz. Eddie says he's the only one with Latino Heaattttttt. Lawler laughs and says "LATINO HEATTTT" thanks a lot Eddie. The crowd jeers Guerrero and Eddie says he's accomplished a lot since Chris has been gone. Ha, he only returned less than 2 months ago. Eddie says he's the IC champ and laid out Steve Austin. JR "From behind with a beer bottle!" Chris says yes, Eddie is the champion and that's a reality he can't change.....but RVD can." JR says its going to be a ladder match between RVD and Eddie later tonight. Benoit says tonight we'll find out if Eddie can have a better ladder match than him. Benoit says "it takes a real tough guy to hit someone from behind and run". JR agrees with Benoit's sarcasm as Eddie wants to hit Benoit now. Eddie squares up but Ric Flair's theme hits.

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair walks out to a chorus of boos. Ric "Well, well, well, Benoit can't you do anything civilized?" You'd think Flair would want to help his ex-Horseman. Flair accuses him of being a typical Canadian to start a fight. Flair asks if the fans wants to see Benoit vs Guerrero tonight and they cheer. He asks if they want to see Stone Cold here tonight and they cheer. Ric says "Too bad." Flair says JR revealed that Austin can't be here and Flair has a special welcoming party for Austin if he shows up. He's benched, but Benoit isn't. Flair says he's not going to let a Smackdown guy walk in here and go one on one with the Intercontinental Champion. Flair says unless he has a ticket, and he doesn't, get out of his ring. Eddie then says "Yeah, get out of MY ring." Benoit shoves Guerrero down as Flair shouts for security. Bet you didn't know you could get in the ring if you bought a ticket. Benoit stalks Guerrero around the ring as Lawler says to call the mounties. Benoit backs down Flair in the corner and leaves peacefully to a chorus of boos toward Flair. Security tells Benoit to get to steppin as JR says Austin will be here as we go to break.

Back from break we get out road schedule coning up. Tomorrow night WWE is in Calgary, Saturday night in Pensacola, Florida, Sunday night the Mississippi State Fair Coliseum in Jackson, Mississippi. One week from tonight they're in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and a week from tomorrow night they're in the Cox Convention Center in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. We're shown Benoit escorted out of the building during the break. On to our first match.



Match 1

William Regal and and Molly Holly vs Spike Dudley and Trish Stratus for the WWE European Championship and WWE Women's Championship.

Interesting concept here as both Regal and Trish's titles are on the line. We cut to a pre-match conference between Regal and Molly and Molly says this is the first time she's been in the ring with Spike since she broke up with him last year. She calls Spike a pervert for trying to go to second base with her and Regal calls Spike a "filthy, disgusting swine" (hahahahaha). Molly says she's too good for him and Regal says he'll take care of the "miserable little toe rack". They leave arm in arm....what a gentleman. Lawler "No wonder Spike has been in a bad mood." Ross "Molly left runners on base apparently." Lawler "How many runners were there?" Ross "I don't know." King "I'd like to slide into home with Trish". Good luck saying that today. Ross ignores King's last comment and goes over the title rules but Spike bumrushes Regal to start. Spike ducks the line and drops Regal with an elbow. Spike hits two dropkicks and goes up to the top rope. He hits what looks to be a whoopie cushion on Regal and covers for a one count. Spike punches Regal in the corner as Lawler keeps mentioning "second base." Ross "What the hell is second base anyway nowadays?" Oh Jim....you left a fastball right down the heart of the plate. Thankfully Lawler doesn't swing at it as Spike hits a bodypress on Regal for a two count.  Spike hits a head scissors and a cradle for 1...2...no. Regal tags in Molly who slaps Spike in the face as soon as she gets in. Ross says Molly might steal third base (hahahaha) so Spike makes the call to the bullpen, tagging in Trish. Stratus ducks the line and unloads on Molly with forearms. Trish kicks away in the corner and gets whipped into the other corner. Trish drops Molly with a clothesline before covering for a deuce. Trish hits the Chick Kick and covers for 1...2...no. Trish chops Molly against the ropes as referee Mike Chioda is distracted by Spike. Molly whips Trish into Regal, who pulls her down by the hair. Spike is pulled back by Chioda so Regal knees Trish in the back. Molly covers for 1...2....no. Molly goes for the blatant choke and drops some elbows to the back. Molly also drags Trish down by the hand as Lawler says "Can you imagine someone that looks like Spike Dudley getting to third base with a girl?" Before King can answer, Trish hits a home run with a backslide for 1...2...3 to win the match. That was abrupt as Regal can't believe it. The home country hero gets the duke in a relatively quick match.


Time of match: 3:07

Winners: Trish and Spike by pinfall (Still Women's & European Champion)


After the match, Regal hands Molly the brass knuckles as Ross calls her a little wench. Regal knocks Spike outside and Molly belts Trish in the back of the head with the knux. Regal and Molly leave with some heel heat as they leave Trish laying. Ross complains about it as Lawler says Ross won't get to third base with that attitude. They go to the replay of Trish winning the match only to get waffled by Molly as we go to break.

Back from commercial we go to another replay of Regal handing Molly the knux as Lawler calls her a sore loser. Spike helped Trish to the back during the break and we cut to Terri Runnels interviewing WWE Hardcore Champion Steven Richards. Terri says Jazz is out with a knee injury and Steven says she's recovering well. Steven says they've become cute and cuddly and Jacqueline walks in to make fun of him. Jacqueline "She's cute and cuddly?? Give me a break." Steven calls her jealous and she wants him so she replies that he's half right. She boots him in the kneecap and waffles him with Terri's microphone. She covers Steven and referee Charles Robinson runs in for the 1...2...nooo, Shawn Stasiak pulls Jackie off. Shawn covers for 1...2.noooo, Big Bossman runs over and clobbers Stasiak with the nightstick. Bossman hits Richards with the nightstick too and covers but Shawn pulls him off. Bossman and Stasiak brawl out of camera view leaving Richards sprawled out next to Terri and Charles. Terri looks at Steven, then at Charles and covers Steven for the 1...2...3 to win the Hardcore Championship. Seconds later Richards rolls her up, including her dress for 1...2...3. Lawler yelps and even Ross says he wasn't looking at Terri's shoulders. The 24/7 gimmick may be stale but every now and then it does make for some funny bits.

Backstage X-Pac and Big Show shake hands as Booker T walks in and asks if Pac is ready for the big match coming up. Kevin Nash follows suit and says they better be ready. Nash says Big Show faces Bradshaw one on one, no run ins. Show say he's got this. Book and Pac will face the Hardy's, no run ins. Nash says you lose, you're out of the nWo and he'll kick their ass. Show laughs and Nash asks if he's got a problem. Show says Nash has to do what he's gotta do but Show's gotta do what he's gotta do. Booker says he's got a problem, he wants his old theme back because he doesn't like the nWo theme. "CAN YOU DIG IT SUCKAAAAAAA" Nash says if he wins "they'll do a remix SUCKAAAAAA" (hahahahahaha). Booker and Pac leave as Goldust is revealed to have been eavesdropping from the inside of a heated tub as we got to break.

Back from commercial, we cut to the outside of the arena where Jonathan Coachman is waiting for Steve Austin to arrive. On to the next match.



Match 2

The Hardy Boys (Matt & Jeff) vs the nWo (Booker T & X-Pac)

Its simple, lose and you're out of the nWo. Ross brings up the recent success the Hardy's have had against the nWo and they're four time tag champs. Matt starts with X-Pac at the bell and Pac gets an arm-drag to begin. Pac gets in a headlock but Hardy rolls through for a quick roll up. Hardy taunts that he was "this close" as Pac confers with Book. Pac rallies with a boot and right hands before hitting the three kick combo in the corner. Pac's charge in the corner eats boot and Matt hits the second rope leg drop. Booker gets in to break up the pinfall attempt then tags in legally, only to eat an arm drag. Jeff tags in for a double whisper in the wind, but the cover only gets two. Jeff hits the top rope and hits whisper in the wind a second time then covers for 1....2, no. Pac broke up the count and Jeff tags out to Matt. Matt charges but Book hits a stun gun off the top rope. Pac tags in and hits a spinning heel kick. He covers for two as Ross says Lita is healing from her broken neck. Hardy drops both men then tags in Jeff who flips into the ring. Jeff hits a dropkick to both dudes and a jawbreaker to Booker T. Jeff hits the legdrop between the legs of Pac as Matt gets in the ring. Jeff hits poetry in motion on both Booker and Pac in the corner. Booker hits Jeff with the axe kick when referee Nick Patrick tells Matt to get lost. Booker teases the spinaroonie but Pac tags himself in. Booker hits the scissors kick on Jeff and looks out at Matt on the floor. Pac hits the X-Factor on Jeff and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Booker looks annoyed that Pac stole the pin even though X-Pac was the legal man. Kind of a rushed match but it got the result it wanted, Booker and Pac remain in the nWo.


Time of match: 3:42

Winners: Pac and Booker by pinfall



Post-match Booker grabs a mic and says cut the music. Booker says he came here to give the people what they want to see, so hit his music. Booker's theme plays and Booker does the spinaroonie. Pac says whatever and shakes Booker's hand as Lawler says that was a big pop.

Paul Heyman heads toward the trainer's room but he's cut off by Tony Garea. He asks how Trish is doing and Garea says she'll be fine. He tells Tony he looks good as Tony leaves. Tony was a spry 55 at the time, the same as HHH in 2025. Heyman goes to enter but Bubba Ray Dudley cuts him off and starts throwing him around. Bubba says he's been waiting 8 years to do this. He tells Heyman to shut up and says to stay away from Trish. Secondly, he wants a piece of Brock Lesnar before throwing Heyman down. Ross says Brock vs Bubba is later as we got to break.

Back from commercial Tommy Dreamer is in the ring and Ross has no idea why. Dreamer says he's a normal guy and then notices some guy eating a hot dog in the front row. He goes outside and asks for a bite, spilling it on the floor. Dreamer then climbs the barricade and steps on the hot dog. He picks it up and offers it back to the dude who's horrified. Dreamer eats it anyway and the crowd cheers. Why Vince wanted Dreamer to be the second coming of Bastion Booger is anyone's guess. Dreamer gets back in the ring and says he's just an average guy. Uh oh....here comes WWE Champion The Undertaker. Taker gets in the ring and grabs a mic. Taker says he's the WWE Champion and Dreamer is on his time now. Taker tells him to hit the bricks before he kicks his ass. Lawler brings up Rob Van Dam's plight from last week. Dreamer goes to say something but Taker cuts him off saying he retired Hulk Hogan and beat Rob Van Dam easily last week. Taker calls him a sideshow circus freak and asks why he's taking up his time. "In other words, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Dreamer says fine and goes to leave. Taker says hold up why don't they have a match right here, right now. Dreamer says he'd like a shot and Taker says he ain't gonna get one because he's not worthy. On a personal note, Dreamer was booked as a hardcore never say die babyface in ECW. THAT Tommy Dreamer wouldn't take Undertaker's crap at all. WWE Dreamer, on the other hand, just stands there as Taker says nobody is worthy of him or poses a challenge to him. Taker says he's got something for him since he's a nice guy and Dreamer is disgusting. Taker grabs his cup of tobacco spit and tells Dreamer to drink it. Dreamer says that's really gross as King says "That's worse than toilet water." Taker says drink it or eat through a tube the rest of his life. Dreamer does as Ross calls Taker a bully, then he says he likes it. Taker drops Dreamer with a right hand then beats him down in the corner. Taker sends Dreamer off the ropes and hits a chokeslam before heaving Tommy outside. Taker grabs a chair and wraps it around Dreamer's head before sending Tommy into the ring post. Fans still cheer Taker as Ross can't believe fans are still cheering. Taker says on the mic "THAT'S disgusting" before he leaves. Ross says sarcastically that's our champion we all look up to. That took way too long just to establish Taker as a mean looking fella.

We cut to the back with Heyman who's now with Brock Lesnar. Heyman says when he got manhandled by Bubba, Bubba was seeing Brock instead of himself. In Bubba's mind, he pulled his punk card and Bubba doesn't think Brock is man enough to do anything about it. Heyman asks if Brock will be manhandled and Brock coldly says no as we go to break.


Match 3

Bubba Ray Dudley vs Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)

Brock has manhandled everyone he's been put in front of so far and Bubba would be his stiffest competition yet. Bubba gets right in and goes nose to nose with Brock before Lesnar shoves him away. They tie up to start and after Lesnar shoves him away, Bubba pops him right in the mouth. Bubba shouts to "come on" as Lesnar's expression shows he wasn't expecting that. Brock rallies with a boot to the ribs and forearms before shoulderblocking Bubba in the corner. Brock whips Bubba off the buckle who falls flat on his face. Heyman "HOW DOES THAT FEEL BUBBA?" Heyman tells Brock that Bubba was trying to punk him out. Bubba rallies with punches and chops to back Brock against the ropes. Bubba whips him off but Brock wisely slides outside to regroup with Heyman. Bubba in hot pursuit trades punches with Brock on the floor before sending him into the steel steps. Ross says Heyman should know what Bubba is capable of being an ECW alumni but King counters he was never the next big thing. Bubba chops Brock against the ropes as the crowd chants for tables. Bubba ducks a line and rallies with Dusty Punches followed by the bionic elbow. Bubba delivers a neckbreaker and covers for 1...2...no. Bubba catches Brock in a full nelson but Brock powers out of the Bubba Bomb attempt. Brock hits a very stiff forearm to the back you can hear a mile away to drop Bubba before executing a snap suplex. King asks how Ross could stand Heyman being his color guy for months and Ross says it wasn't easy. Brock locks in a bearhug as Heyman shouts "SQUEEZE!!!!" Bubba tries to fight out of it but fails the first time. Bubba then revives to break the grip, but runs into an overhead suplex. Brock covers for 1...2...no. Heyman "YOU COUNT TO THREE DAMMIT!" Bubba kicks Brock in the head and hits a released German suplex. Heyman shouts for Brock to get up as Bubba rallies with strikes before hitting a flapjack. Bubba hits him with a clothesline followed by a sidewalk slam. Bubba covers for 1...2....no. Bubba whips Brock into the corner, ducks the line and hits the Bubba Bomb. Heyman jumps up on the apron to distract the ref and Bubba chases him away. Ross "Heyman running like an old woman!" Bubba chases Heyman inside the ring and corners him. Brock goes to splash Bubba but crushes Heyman in the corner instead much to Lawler's delight. Bubba hits a german suplex and covers for 1...2....nooooo. The crowd chants "ECW" as Brock whips Bubba, who gets tripped up by Heyman outside.  That was just enough for Brock to scoop up Bubba and hit the F-5. Brock covers for 1...2....3....to win the match. Lesnar remains undefeated but that was a hell of a match. Bubba had Brock on the run for the first time in his WWE run and was big enough to push him around. Great story told as well as well as the obligatory ending.


Time of match: 5:50

Winner: Lesnar by pinfall



Before we go to break Ross says he'd like to see a rematch and we get a graphic for Rob Van Dam vs Eddie Guerrero for the IC title coming up later. Back from commercial Jonathan Coachman is with Raven who's just chilling outside. He asks Raven if he knows anything about Debra's family emergency and Raven says its not Debra's family, its Austin himself. Austin can't conceal his pain no longer and he sees a troubled, tortured, tormented soul in the mirror. Raven says this is Austin's destiny and Raven feels for him. Ironically Raven wasn't far off in real life but I'll get to that another time. On to the next match.



Match 4

Big Show vs Bradshaw

If Show loses, he's out of the nWo. Ross says this match isn't going to be pretty and I'm gonna have to agree. Bradshaw bumrushes Show right out the gate and drops him with a clip to the knee. Bradshaw immediately goes after the left leg which is the smart thing to do. Show gets to his feet and Bradshaw goes for a whip, but Show blocks it before clotheslining him down. Show floors Bradshaw with a headbutt and kicks away at him in the corner.  Show punches away in the corner and heaves Bradshaw across the ring. Show kicks away at Bradshaw in the corner as Ross says Raven needs couch time. Show continues to headbutt Bradshaw and scoop slams him. Show whips Bradshaw in the corner but a charge eats boot. They trade punches in the center of the ring before Bradshaw boots Show in the jaw.  Bradshaw hits the clothesline from hell but Show just bounces off the ropes, still on his feet. Bradshaw goes for a big boot but crotches himself on the top rope. He turns around right into a chokeslam by Big Show. Show covers for 1...2...3 to win the match. Short and sweet, which is a good thing. Raw was desperate for stars but having Show squash Bradshaw wasn't exactly what the doctor ordered....but then again, may as well build up Big Show again.



Time of match: 1:59

Winner: Big Show by pinfall


Before we go to break we get a vignette for Tough Enough 2, no need to talk about that. In the back, Booker T is mad that X-Pac stole his pin (I thought they shook hands after the match). Then Goldust walks in wearing nWo colors including black & white face paint. Pac "What the hell do you think you're doing man?"  Pac tells Goldust he's dissing the nWo wearing that outfit while Booker tries not to laugh. Booker says Goldust looks like a freaky deaky oreo cookie (ha!) and laughs. Pac says he's going to tell Nash what Goldust is doing then leaves. Booker calls him a stooge as Ross mocks Pac on commentary. 

We cut to The World with the four remaining Tough Enough 2 finalists with Al Snow. Kenny is going to arm wrestle Jake and Linda is going to arm wrestle Jackie. Jake defeats Kenny and Linda effortlessly defeats Jackie. Linda Miles might not have had the passion for wrestling but she was a hell of an athlete. Al Snow says this Thursday they're announcing the winners...yippie. We cut to Terri Runnels with Rob Van Dam. Rob congratulates her for winning the Hardcore championship as Terri says it was her 15 seconds of fame. She asks what he's feeling about the IC title ladder match and Rob says a ladder match is extremely dangerous, but worth it. Rob says he's going to climb the ladder of success and nobody gets as high as R...V...D.

Back from commercial a black pickup truck arrives to the arena (which is still daylight out even though we're approaching 11 at night in the East time zone) and Ross & Lawler say its Austin. Unfortunately for everyone, its just Howard Finkel who complains he got lost in Calgary and hitched a ride. Coach walks off disgusted as we head to the ring to our next match.



Match 5

Crash Holly vs Goldust

Ross says Austin will be here as Goldust enters in nWo colors. They circle to start and Goldust hits a few arm drags. Goldust gets a rake to the face followed by an uppercut. Crash catches Goldust with an inside cradle for 1....2....no. Crash rallies with a clothesline and a dropkick, but drops his head long enough for Goldust to hit another uppercut. Goldust goes for the Curtain Call and hits it. He covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Jesus, another squash match and that was even worse than Show/Bradshaw. The match itself wasn't bad per se, just short.


Time of match: 1:01

Winner: Goldust by pinfall



After the match, the nWo theme hits and out comes Kevin Nash. Goldust slides out of the ring as Nash gets in. He sends Crash off the ropes and hits a big boot. Goldust says nWo 4 life as he leaves with Nash staring a hole in him. What the hell was that about?

We cut to Ric Flair in his office as Eddie Guerrero walks in. Eddie is afraid of Austin interfering and Flair says not to worry, he's got the welcoming committee in place. Eddie leaves and Flair laughs, gee...wonder who's waiting for Austin. Before we go to commercial we get a vignette for WWE's new show Velocity. Its funny how it advertises all the Smackdown guys like The Rock, Hulk Hogan, etc and we all know they'll never appear on it. Back from break its on to our main event.



Match 6

Rob Van Dam vs Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Intercontinental Championship in a Ladder Match

Lawler plugs King of The Ring coming up on June 23 as Guerrero makes his entrance. Guerrero trash talks Rob as the bell rings, the duo trading strikes in the middle of the ring. Rob gets a spinning wheel kick to send Eddie to the floor. Rob goes for the plancha but Guerrero throws him down in mid-air. Rob sends Guerrero into the ring post and on top of the barricade. Rob hits the legdrop to the back and punches away at Eddie. Eddie reverses a whip and Rob crashes into the ladder that doesn't go down. Eddie hits a snap suplex on the ringside mat and throws the ladder on top of Rob. Eddie closes the ladder on Rob and throws RVD inside the ring. Eddie hammers away in the corner and drops him with a back elbow smash. Lawler "Latino HEATTTT, say it Ross." The crowd chants Eddie Sucks as Guerrero wraps RVD's leg around the ring post as Lawler points out Rob can't climb a ladder with a bad leg. Guerrero wraps his leg around the post again then takes a steel chair to the right knee. Eddie hits a back suplex as Ross is shocked Eddie has dominated the match so far. Eddie stomps away in the corner but Rob counters with a rolling monkey flip. He didn't get much on it and Eddie hits a powerbomb for his troubles. Eddie goes outside and grabs another ladder and goes to put it in the ring but RVD dropkicks it in his face. Van Dam goes for the second rope moonsault to the floor but Eddie gets the ladder up to block it. All of a sudden Chris Benoit walks through the crowd and shows the security guard a ticket. We go to commercial with Benoit heading to the front row. Back from break Guerrero nails Rob in the face with the top of the ladder and rolls it inside. Eddie sets it up in the center of the ring and climbs, but RVD dropkicks the ladder out from under Guerrero. Rob hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on the ladder and a cartwheel moonsault following that. Rob dropkicks Eddie on the mat and sets up the ladder in the center of the ring. They both climb up together and Eddie hits a sunset flip bomb off the ladder much to the crowd's delight. Eddie climbs the ladder and infamously a fan gets in the ring, knocking Eddie off of it. Eddie tags the guy for real with a right hand as security and referee Earl Hebner tackle the guy out of the ring. Lawler says typical Canadian as Ross says "Too much Molson."  Lawler says Ross should get in there and get his lights punched out. Eddie goes back to the ladder and hits a hilo from off the top to Van Dam. Eddie goes outside and grabs a steel chair, bringing it inside. Eddie whacks Rob in the knee with it and sets it up in the corner. Naturally Rob sends Eddie into it and kicks away at him. Rob hits the Arabian Facebuster in the corner then puts the ladder on top of Eddie. RVD hits the split legged moonsault onto the ladder as Ross calls this an unbelievable match. Rob climbs the ladder but Eddie pulls him down and hits a snap suplex into the ladder. Eddie sets up the ladder in the corner and unloads in the other corner with right hands. Rob whips Eddie into the ladder and into the other corner. He goes for another monkey flip but Eddie blocks it. Van Dam goes for the top rope dropkick but Eddie moves. Rob monkey flips Guerrero into the ladder and puts it on top of him. Rob hits rolling thunder on the ladder before setting it up. Eddie dropkicks Rob in the shin and grabs the chair. Rob hits the Van Daminator and sets up the ladder in the corner. Rob goes for the 5 Star Frog Splash but falls off the top of the ladder. Eddie improvises by heading upstairs himself and Rob dropkicks him to the floor. Rob sets up the ladder, climbs it and retrieves the belt to become the new Intercontinental Champion in a hell of a match. It got a bit sloppy and the fan interfering was a bit of a damper, but that was one of the best matches on Raw all year by far. Hats off to both guys.


Time of match: 20:59

Winner: Rob Van Dam (new Intercontinental Champion)


The celebration is short lived as Guerrero bum rushes Rob after the bell, sending him to the floor. Steve Austin's music hits and sure enough, Austin himself sprints to the ring. Eddie runs for it but Austin catches him and stomps a mudhole in him in the corner. Ric Flair and Arn Anderson run in and both of them get walloped by Stone Cold. Austin drops all three with right hands and hits a backdrop on Flair. Austin kicks Anderson out of the ring as Benoit tears his shirt off and hops the guardrail. Benoit stands next to Austin and they stare down Eddie and Flair. Suddenly Benoit waffles Austin from behind and puts the boots to him as JR is completely confused. Benoit scoop slams Austin and Eddie Guerrero comes off the top with the frog splash. Where the hell did Van Dam go? Flair and Anderson laugh on the ramp as Lawler asks if this was a set up. Eddie and Chris put the boots to Austin as Benoit raises Eddie's arm in victory. JR asks what the hell is going on as we end the show.

Half of the show was good, the other half was rushed or pointless. Still, tonight was a landmark event although nobody knew it at the time. This was the last Raw appearance of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin for nearly 9 months. The backstory is Steve was frustrated with creative (which was definitely in a flux following the end of the Alliance debacle) including getting beat down by Chris Benoit for really no reason. Then over the weekend, in a production meeting it was written that Steve was going to job to Brock Lesnar on Raw in the first round of the King of The Ring tournament with no hype or warning. Steve said that was idiotic because that was a ticket selling ppv match. He countered that he'd put over Brock in the Finals to cement him as a star. The story goes creative was adamant Brock go through Test and Rob Van Dam, including a Rob vs Brock final. Austin offered one final solution that he face Brock in the semis before he faces Rob in the final. Once again creative refused and Austin simply went home, middle fingers in the air. Steve would fulfil his house show commitments but then that was it. A far from a fitting end to the most popular WWE star of the late 90's. The next show after this will be this Saturday when the stars of Smackdown venture to New Orleans. I'll see you there.

Saturday, May 25, 2002

WWE Velocity (5/25/02)

 


Bancorp South Arena
Tupelo, MS
May 25, 2002

Its the debut episode of Velocity! With WWE Sunday Night heat being the B show for Raw, they launched Velocity to be the B show of Smackdown. Its pretty much the exact same format as WWF Metal, Shotgun & Jakked was with recaps centered around syndicated matches. Al Snow and Michael Cole are your commentary team for this inaugural episode. Tonight's main event is a.....bra & panties match.....yeah....for the Women's title between Trish Stratus & Stacy Keibler


Commentators: Al Snow & Michael Cole



Match 1

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs Albert

This was a dark match shown just to fill out the card for the show. This was never recorded but Lawler got the victory.


Winner: Jerry Lawler



Match 2

Shannon Moore vs Jamie Noble

This was another dark match to fill out the card and this was pretty much a tryout match for Shannon Moore. For those that don't know, Moore was a long time friend of The Hardy Boys and was 3 Count partners with The Hurricane in WCW. They were taking a look at him to see if he could go. Noble got the win but they must have liked what they saw from Shannon.


Winner: Noble



Match 3

Michael Shane vs Sonny Siaki

This was the third and final dark match and basically a try-out match for both guys. Michael Shane was Shawn Michaels' younger cousin and graduated from his wrestling school. Siaki was a WCW Power Plant graduate that left WCW because he didn't like how he was booked. Shane got the win 


Winner: Shane


Now that that's over, let's get to the actual show.



Match 4

Tajiri vs Billy Kidman

We're shown highlights of Tajiri covering up Torrie Wilson's bikini from the previous Smackdown and wouldn't you know who won the pony, Wilson's real life husband Kidman is his opponent. Kidman and Tajiri circle before they trade go-behinds and takedowns. Tajiri locks in a chinlock but Kidman rolls into an arm-bar. Tajiri then locks in a rare crab lock before Kidman rolls out of it. Tajiri reverses an arm-bar into another takedown followed by a chin-lock. He tells the crowd "Shadduppppp" as Kidman hits a jawbreaker. Kidman hits a snap-suplex and Tajiri sells it hilariously. Kidman locks in an arm-bar as Cole stirs the pot of asking what Tajiri thinks of Torrie dating Maven. Tajiri drops a knee and taunts the crowd before running into an arm-drag. Kidman hits a frankensteiner to send Tajiri bailing to the outside and Billy goes upstairs. Tajiri spots him and walks away but Kidman runs and hits him with a baseball slide. Al at the commentary table says "careful guys" as Kidman heaves Tajiri inside. Cole says a victory would be huge for these guys to get a Cruiserweight title shot. Kidman hits a springboard legdrop for a two count and rams his head into the buckle. Kidman walks right into a buzzsaw kick before Tajiri sends him into the ring post to the outside. We come back from commercial with Tajiri standing on Kidman on the bottom rope. Tajiri hits another buzzsaw kick outside then taunts the crowd again. Tajiri stomps away on Kidman and locks in a nerve hold. Kidman wpins out of it but eats three straight buzzsaw kicks before Tajiri yells at referee Mike Sparks. Tajiri works over the arm on the top rope but Kidman hits a crossbody for 1...2..nope. Another buzzsaw kick and a dropkick drops Kidman and Tajiri covers for 1..2....nope. Tajiri taunts the crowd again as Cole calls him a moron. Al takes offense to calling him a moron as Tajiri counters a backslide with an armbar before chopping Billy in the corner. Kidman whips Tajiri into the corner but gets caught in the tarantula. Kidman powers out of it and shoves Tajiri onto the apron but is snapped off the tope rope. Billy rolls out of the way of a springboard moonsault and fires away with right hands. Kidman lands a clothesline and covers for two but Tajiri nails a big DDT. Tajiri covers for 1....2...nope. Tajiri goes for a frankensteiner but Kidman powerbombs and covers for 1...2..nope. Tajiri hits a buzzsaw kick out of nowhere and covers for 1..2....nooooo. Tajiri kicks the arm of Kidman but Billy counters the springboard back elbow with a dropkick to the back. Tajiri locks in the tarantula as Torrie Wilson walks down the ramp causing Cole to cream his pants. Kidman rolls up Tajiri for two but Torrie grabs his leg with the ref not noticing. Kidman hits the face buster and covers for 1...2....3 and that's it. Damn good match even if the babyface needed the distraction to win. Torrie nods her head at Kidman and leaves as Tajiri is mad. 

Time of match: 11:16

Winner: Kidman by pinfall


When we come back from commercial we're shown the recent life and times of Kurt Angle. We're shown him getting his head shaved at Judgment Day by Edge and sporting a ridiculous wig on Smackdown. Maven comes out and tells Angle to just run with the baldness like he does. Kurt challenges him to take the wig off and Maven rushes him only for Edge to join in....until Christian stops him thus leading to the main event tag match between Edge & Maven against Christian and Angle. Maven pins Christian to win the match and Angle gets away with the wig intact....for now. Onto the next match.



Match 5

Hardcore Holly vs Val Venis

We follow up a damn good opener with a mid-card match right out of 1999 but at least there's some backstory. Stacy Keibler was flirting with Randy Orton so Vince McMahon, who was smitten with Stacy, had Orton punished by putting him with the rookie hating Holly. Holly and Lance Storm doubleteamed Orton and Venis made the save to set up this match. They lock up and Holly executes a waistlock takedown. Venis reverses and they exchange go-behinds. Holly eats a shoulderblock and a clothesline as Cole hypes up the Tough Enough 2 finale coming up. Holly boots and chops Val in the corner but Val springboards over Holly to deliver some chops of his own. Val hits a double underhook suplex but a cover only gets two. Val drops Hardcore with a back elbow smash and an elbow drop before punching away. Holly fires back with a belly to belly suplex and covers for a deuce. Holly sets up and hits the Holly Nad Kick then delivers a clothesline. Holly hits a vertical suplex and covers for 1...2...nope. Holly charges in the corner but eats elbow before clotheslining Val down anyway. Cole continues to babble on about Tough Enough as Val executes a powerslam. Val covers for a deuce and nails a shoulderblock. A graphic on the screen shows Tough Enough 3 is taking applicants as Val executes a backdrop. Val's fisherman suplex gets 1...2....nope. Holly walks into a Blue Thunder Driver but kicks out at two. Holly rolls up Val for two but eats a spinebuster. Val goes for The Money Shot but Holly rolls out of the way. Hardcore hits a dropkick right to the chin and covers for 1...2....3 that's it. Snow calls it the best dropkick in the business and its effective for sure.


Time of match: 4:24

Winner: Holly by pinfall


After the match we get another graphic for Trish vs Stacy and a hilarious commercial where Rob Van Dam shills 7-11 Cups with his likeness on it instead of The Rock's while wearing a singlet with jeans over it. We then get highlights of the main event scene where Hogan dropped the title to The Undertaker at Judgment Day. Then on Smackdown Hogan claims he's going to retire (HAHAHAHAHA!) and Vince McMahon says he can't do that because he owns him. Let that be a lesson to all bosses out there, if you don't want the old geyser working for your company to retire, you can simply deny him retirement. Anyway this causes Hogan to beat up Vince much to the crowd's delight until The Undertaker makes the save. Hogan rallies and sends Taker out of the ring then poses. Hogan reportedly behind the scenes wanted the belt again so let's see how this plays out on Smackdown moving forward. Back from commercial its time for the main event.



Match 6

Stacy Keibler vs Trish Stratus for the WWE Women's Championship in a Bra & Panties Match

To cover up Stacy's lack of wrestling ability, they had her in matches like these where the goal isn't to pin your opponent but to strip them. Stacy attacks Trish at the bell and stomps on her as Cole brings up how Vince stacked the deck against Trish by putting her in a match where her skills are negated. Stacy slams Trish on the title belt and rams her head into the buckle. Stacy chokes Trish with her boot and does a snapmare before trying to rip Trish's top off. Trish kicks her off, ducks under a clotheslines and unloads with forearms. Trish slaps Stacy and goes for Stratusfaction but Stacy counters by throwing her into the ropes. Stacy gets Trish's top off to expose a pink bra as the male fans cheer. Trish then rips Stacy's top off while Stacy is celebrating to expose a blue bra. Trish slugs away with forearms but walks into a spinning heel kick. Stacy goes to rip Trish's pants off but Trish victory rolls Stacy and rips her shorts off to win the match. Cole "Trish wins!" Snow "We all do! God bless Vince McMahon". Stacy goes to slap Trish after the bell but Trish ducks and hits the chick kick. Cole signs off happily with Stacy rolling around in her underwear. B & P matches were awful to begin with but they served their purpose....for the time period.


Time of match: 1:54

Winner: Trish (still WWE Women's champion)


Well that show started out great then fell off a cliff for the main event. Still, I'd chalk that up to a product of its time since matches like that were common. Still, Smackdown highlights and cold matches were what to expect and thankfully Smackdown was about to be the cream of the crop within a few months. As for this show, you got to know about the main plots of Smackdown with bald Kurt Angle and Hogan hot on The Undertaker's trail along with Holly as Vince's enforcer & Stacy as his current plaything. Tajiri vs Kidman was damn good, Val vs Holly was okay and the main event....yeah. Hopefully next week will have a better main event. As for now, its time to switch gears to the Raw side of thing because Sunday Night Heat is next. See you there.

Friday, May 24, 2002

WWE at DECC Arena (5/24/02)




DECC Arena
Duluth, MN
May 24, 2002


The stars of Raw made their way to Duluth, Minnesota for this special Friday night house show. We've been running the same matches on the circuit as last week so it doesn't look like there will be any change this week. Let's get to the action.



Match 1

Jacqueline vs Crash Holly

The same inter-gender match as last week with the same exact result. Jacqueline wins.


Winner: Jacqueline



Match 2

Tommy Dreamer vs WWE Hardcore Champion Steven Richards

The ECW alumni do battle again for the Hardcore championship. I always said they should have just changed the name of the "Hardcore" title to just the "ECW" title since Vince bought the rights to it from Paul Heyman. Richards takes it with the Stevie Kick.


Winner: Richards by pinfall (still Hardcore champion)



Match 3

Bubba Ray Dudley vs Brock Lesnar

They were building toward a TV match so they put these two together to get some chemistry. Lesnar got the duke.


Winner: Lesnar



Match 4

Matt Hardy vs X-Pac

Ironically Pac and the Hardy's were around 7 years earlier so to see them in 2002 is a bit surreal. Pac gets the win here.


Winner: X-Pac



Match 5

Bradshaw vs Booker T

The nWo's newest member takes on the big rough Bradshaw here. Bradshaw got the victory.


Winner: Bradshaw



Match 6

Justin Credible and Goldust vs Shawn Stasiak and D-Lo Brown

What the hell is this hodge podge? This is the kind of match to open the show with, not this far into it. Either way, D-Lo and Stasiak win.


Winners: D-Lo Brown & Shawn Stasiak



Match 7

Molly Holly vs Trish Stratus for the WWE Women's Championship

Molly vs Trish again since Jackie was busy in the opening match. Trish gets the victory to retain the title.


Winner: Trish Stratus (still Women's Champion)



Match 8

Spike Dudley vs William Regal for the WWE European Championship

This has been a feud for a while and once again Regal wins it to retain.


Winner: Regal (still European champion)



Match 9

Rob Van Dam vs Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

The big feud going on at the time and delivered in the ring almost every single time. Guerrero takes the match to retain.


Winner: Guerrero (still IC Champion)



Another standard house show as we build past Judgment Day and on to King of The Ring. The lack of star power on Raw is a bit of an issue considering its the flag ship show and no Stone Cold on this one, at least in a match anyway. The next show after this is tomorrow's double shot in Canada. The stars of Raw will venture to Winnipeg, Manitoba while Smackdown heads to Saskatchewan. We'll be doing the Raw show first up in Winnipeg, I'll see you there.

Thursday, May 23, 2002

WWE Smackdown (5/23/02)



WWE Smackdown
BankcorpSouth Center
Tupelo, MS
May 23, 2002


Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz

Ring Announcer: Tony Chimel



Judgment Day was just days ago and we have a new WWE Champion in The Undertaker. The rumor is Hulk Hogan is going to retire so that may be the main focus tonight. Kurt Angle lost a hair vs hair match to Edge and people want to see what he looks like bald headed. HHH defeated Chris Jericho in the Hell in A Cell match and apparently Vince McMahon isn't too happy with Hunter (in storyline). We're on the road to King of The Ring so let's get started. We start of with a vignette recap of Judgment Day and Hulk Hogan claiming he's going to retire. We get right to our first match.



Match 1

Triple H vs Lance Storm

Cole during the intro says there's no way HHH is 100% after Hell In A Cell on Sunday. Storm on the mic wants to be serious for a minute and runs down HHH, calling him a barbaric, bloodthirsty animal. Hunter wastes no time and clotheslines him immediately before rallying with right hands and a running high knee. Hunter hits a short-armed clothesline but Storm hits a jawbreaker. Storm does a Savage Special, snapping Hunter off the top rope. Lance puts the boots to HHH and drops him with a right hand. HHH counters with a knee to the jaw and a blatant choke. Storm counters with a dropkick and rams his head into the buckle. Lance elbows HHH in the head and whips him off the corner. Lance stomps on HHH's head and chokes him with his boot on the first rope. Cole hypes up Hogan's retirement as Storm rallies with right hands another choke with his boot. HHH is busted wide open and Storm rallies with right hands on the floor. Storm covers for 1...2..no. Lance chokes HHH on the second rope and hits a slingshot clothesline, and its a good one, covering for 1...2...no. Storm goes after the open wound with right hands as Cole once again says Hogan is going to retire. That's gotta be Vince in his ear to ignore the ring like that. Storm misses a charge in the corner and HHH hits the reverse neckbreaker, followed by a spine buster. HHH covers for 1....2...no. Hunter sends Lance off the ropes but Lance ducks the line, superkicking him in the face. Storm locks in a half crab but Hunter makes it to the ropes. Lance hits a second superkick and goes up to the top rope. HHH shoves referee Mike Chioda into the rope to crotch Lance off of it. HHH hits the pedigree and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Damn good opener for 5 minute crash style and HHH had to cheat to beat Storm since he was still exhausted from HIAC. Good stuff by both guys.


Time of match: 5:50

Winner: HHH by pinfall



Christian is backstage with Kurt Angle but Angle's head isn't shown. Kurt has Christian touch his medals to show that he didn't get them without courage. Christian says the fans won't be chanting "You suck" they'll be chanting "You're bald." Naturally the crowd starts chanting it as Christian goes "Baldly...handsome...in a manly way...." before leaving. Christian and Angle never ceases to be funny. 

Back from break we get Test and Stacy Kiebler backstage. Stacy says Vince McMahon needs a favor from Test and he says he doesn't do the favors Stacy usually does. Stacy says Vince is jealous of Randy Orton and Stacy puts over how great Randy looks. Stacy says Vince wants Test to take him out and Test says sure, but he'll take care of Stacy first. He kisses her and she goes along with it. Guess we got Test/Orton later.

Here's Kurt Angle for a conference...and he's wearing a wig underneath amateur wrestling headgear. HA! Kurt goes on to say it was a miracle when he won a gold medal with a broken neck but growing his hair back was a bigger one. "Its amazing what hair supplements can do these days." Kurt says he grew his hair out just for kicks and says you won't see a bald headed loser crying in the middle of the ring. Then stops and says "Well there's always Hulk Hogan later tonight." Kurt says Edge's victory was a fluke and he won't be an object of ridicule. He's going to go use some hair mousse...but wait! Here comes Maven for some reason. Maven says there's no shame in being bald and says its not that bad. He says Kurt may even look better bald, just take the wig off. Maven says his fans won't make fun of him and fans want to see him in his natural state. Kurt "Excuse me? Do I know you? Do you work here or something? Oh, you're that guy who won a contract from MTV." Kurt says he's THE Kurt Angle and says if Maven wants the wig off so badly, come remove it yourself. Maven accepts the challenge and hits the ring...only he's cut off by Angle with an axehandle smash. Kurt puts the sneakers to Maven but Maven hits a dropkick. Maven damn near rips the wig off but Angle counters with a german suplex. Angle goes to leave but Edge hits the ring to try his luck. He almost has it off but Christian runs down to save Kurt. The heels leave with the wig still on as Edge and Maven laugh at them as we got to break.

One of the commercials is the 7-11 slurpee cup featuring WWE superstars. Rob Van Dam bullies some kid into using his cup before handing others out. Back from break Stacy Keibler is dancing on the announce table but the camera angle is in front of her. You failed, Kevin Dunn. Stacy plays with Tazz who tries to play it cool much to Michael Cole's dismay. Uh oh...here comes Test for the next match.


Match 2

Test vs Randy Orton

Cole says the new show Velocity's main event this Saturday night will be Bra & Panties for the Women's title Stacy Keibler vs Trish Stratus. That's one way to draw a crowd. Stacy joins Tazz and Cole for the commentary as Michael asks Stacy why she's smitten with Orton. She says what she does with her own time is her own business. Test wants a hand shake at the bell but then slaps Orton when he reaches for it. Test put the boots to Orton and rams Randy's head into the buckle. Test unloads on Orton with elbows and boots before heaving him over the top rope to the floor. Tazz says he must be motivated due to kissing Stacy and she's shown on camera smiling. Orton rallies with two dropkicks but eats a knee to the ribs. Test hits the pump handle slam and covers for 1...2..nope, Test pulled him up. Test punches away at Orton as Cole announces we got a tag team match later, Edge & Maven vs Christian and Kurt Angle...saw that one coming. Test goes for the big boot but Orton moves, causing Test to crotch himself. Test hops up and down and Orton drops him with two clotheslines. Orton hits a running forearm and goes for the top rope crossbody. Test cuts him off but Orton shoves him off anyway. Orton hits the cross body but Test rolls through, hooking the tights for 1...2....no. Orton slugs away at Test but Test goes for the pump handle slam. Orton rolls out of it and cradles up Test for 1...2...nope. Test sends Orton into the ring post but Orton rolls out of the way, cradling Test for 1...2...nope. Test goes for the full nelson slam but Orton turns it into a victory roll for 1...2...no. Test hits Cross Rhodes and covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. Stacy says her work here is done but Tazz doesn't want her too. "Cole, get outta here. Put Stacy over here" Hahaha! Serviceable match featuring the big man trying to intimidate the rookie with Orton using speed to outhustle. Orton is definitely the future, just needs the right gimmick.


Time of match: 3:31

Winner: Test by pinfall



Coming up later, Hulk Hogan's farewell address. Back from commercial we're sent to Mark "Dorkus Malorkus" Lloyd with WWE Champion The Undertaker. Lloyd says his title win has had serious rammifications. Taker cuts him off and says he told the world he would be the judge, jury and executioner of Hogan/Hulkamania and he was. He says he's the best in the world and alone at the top of the ladder. He says several superstars aspire to be the man and they have to look him in the eye and take the title from him, he doesn't think anyone can. Lloyd says on Raw, he lost the title to Rob Van Dam and Taker goes "Who??" We're shown the highlight from Raw where RVD hit rolling thunder and pinned Taker for the championship, only for Flair to reverse the decision and restart the match since Taker's foot was on the rope. Taker won with the match restarted and we're back with Lloyd. Taker "Your point is?" Yeah really...his foot was on the rope, match shouldn't have ended that way. Taker "The match....continued!" He says he's the champion if that's alright with Mark. He says he's here tonight to see the death of Hulkamania. Not too many people have multiple ppv wins over Hulk Hogan let alone for the WWE championship.

We cut to Rico admiring his Tag Team Championship belt when Billy & Chuck walk in. They ask what's going on and Rico says his victory was a fluke. He's champion by default and it kills him to wear the belt because it doesn't go with any of his clothes. Yeah, way to put over the prestige of the belt. Rico says he'll prove he's in favor of Billy & Chuck and they hug it out....with Billy & Chuck giving each other a look. They leave and Rico goes back to admiring the belt.

We cut to Chris Jericho who runs into Faarooq. Chris says he's just the guy he's looking for. Faarooq "Are you high? Or drunk? Or did you get hit in the head too many times at Hell In A Cell?" Jericho says he got the beating of his life on HIAC and he can see why Mick Foley retired after he was in it. He doesn't want to wrestle tonight and wants to buy Faarooq's protection. Jericho says name his price to take his place and Faarooq says to pay attention. He asks what that means and Mark Henry bumps into Jericho, HE'S his opponent. The crowd pops and Jericho visibly looks like his heart just sank. We got to break and when we come back, its time for the tag match.



Match 3

Edge & Maven vs Kurt Angle and Christian.

If you're gonna have a one night story filler match, not the worst to have Edge, Angle and Christian involved. Christian heads to the ring but backs off, waiting for Kurt. Hahaha nice touch. Cole spots Kurt and says "Look at this fool!" Kurt attacks Edge at the bell and stomps away at him. Edge hits a spinning heel kick and the Edgecution. Edge goes to take the wig off but Christian tags in. Christian stomps away at Edge but Edge slides under him, hitting a flapjack. Edge unloads with right hands on Christian, tagging in Maven. Maven gets kicked in the head but hits a spinning heel kick. From the back, Torrie Wilson and Trish Stratus are watching the match. Torrie was dating Maven (on screen) so it makes sense why she'd be watching, but why Trish? Maven runs into an overhead belly to belly suplex and Christian executes a side backbreaker. Christian covers for 1...2..no. Christian stomps on Maven and chops him in the corner. He taunts Edge for the ref distraction allowing Kurt to choke Maven. Kurt tags in and drops Maven with a right hand, taunting Edge in the process. He baits Edge into the ring and Maven hits a low blow with the ref not looking, hahahahahahaha! Perfect! Tazz and Cole are surprised as Kurt and Maven make the tags. Edge cleans house of Angle and drops Christian. Edge backdrops Christian and Angle then hits Edge-O-Matic on Christian. Edge covers for 1...2...no, Kurt makes the save. Edge hits a double clothesline and makes the tag to Maven. Kurt hits the Angle Slam on Edge but turns around into a DDT by Maven. Maven goes to the top rope and hits a missile dropkick on Christian. He covers for 1...2...no, Kurt makes the save. Kurt hits a german suplex on Maven but turns around into a face plant by Edge. Edge spears Christian but is backdropped to the floor by Angle. Maven clotheslines Angle over the top and out but Christian goes for the Unprettier. Maven counters with the O'Connor Roll for 1...2...3 to win the match. Big upset win by Maven and the crowd loves it. Maven and Edge leave smiling with the heels irate in the ring. Nice to give Maven some shine as the "smiling babyface" trope still has some life....for now anyway. Serviceable match, nothing to complain about here.


Time of match: 4:28

Winners: Edge and Maven



We get more hype for Hulk Hogan "retiring" as we go to break. This week's Slam of The Week is Deacon Bautista and Reverend D'Von attacking Bubba Ray Dudley at Judgment Day. On to the next match.



Match 4

Reverend D'Von (with Deacon Bautista) vs Rikishi

D'Von has a new theme "He called my name" which was almost catchy at the time. Cole brings up Rikishi and Rico winning the tag belts on Sunday by complete accident as D'Von grabs a mic to begin. D'Von tells him to get the hell....heck in the back and put some clothes on. Love how the guy who used to say "Thou shall not fuck with the Dudley Boys" is now a preaching minister. Rikishi isn't amused and drops him with a right hand to start the bell. Rikishi hits a clothesline and D'Von goes for a sunset flip, but wisely rolls out of the way out of the ass drop. D'Von crawls to the corner and crosses himself (hahahaha) but here comes Rico down to ringside. Rikishi hits a belly to belly suplex and rams D'Von's head into the buckle. D'Von gets in a low blow and hits a flying clothesline. D'Von rallies with right hands in the corner but here comes Billy & Chuck out to the ring as well. Got enough heels out here or what? Already had Bautista in the corner but Billy, Chuck and Rico have joined us. D'Von drops an elbow on the apron and goes for a suplex. Tazz says that's a mistake as Rikishi naturally blocks it. Rikishi goes for a powerslam but Bautista grabs his foot. D'Von lands on top for 1....2...no. Rikishi rallies with right hands but D'Von hits a DDT to counter....that Rikishi no sells. Rikishi drops D'Von with a superkick as Tazz brings up Yokozuna was Rikishi's cousin. Rikishi later inan interview years later cried while saying Yokozuna paid off Rikishi's house when Rikishi was in financial trouble. Rikishi hits the the pop up cutter as Cole brings up Yokozuna vs Hulk Hogan. Got enough references? Bautista gets dropped off the apron by Rikishi and he avalanches D'Von in the corner. Rikishi calls for the Stinkface but Bautista distracts the ref long enough for Rico to nail Rikishi in the back of the head with his title belt. D'Von covers for 1...2..3 to win the match. Well that was stupid, D'Von's antics were chuckle worthy though.


Time of match: 3:11

Winner: D'Von by pinfall



D'Von and Bautista put the boots to Rikishi post-match with Billy & Chuck laughing at the entrance way. Bautista hits the spinebuster with almost no effort and leaves with D'Von. Rico then pretends to console Rikishi in the ring and gives the thumbs up to Billy & Chuck. Cole says Rikishi was never punished for giving Vince McMahon the stinkface last month and this could have been payback? What? Bautista has a future once this ridiculous church angle comes to and end, best believe that.

We cut to Chavo Guerrero Jr watching footage of Raw where Eddie Guerrero broke a beer bottle over Steve Austin's head. No wonder Austin wanted out so badly. Chavo is interrupted by ace reporter Gregory Helms and asks who's been leaving notes for The Hurricane. Chavo says he doesn't leave "stinkin" notes, he'll face Hurricane later tonight and take his title. Gregory opens a locker and finds a note "by the power of Greyskull". It says "I'm not tall and I'm not fat, but I left you a clue." Tazz "Beef jerky???" So logically someone is leaving notes in random lockers just hoping that Hurricane or Gregory Helms just happens to be there that night? This better lead to something good.

We cut to Dorkus Malorkus who's with Triple H. He says what he did was amazing and HHH says HIAC was the most brutal match ever devised. He says there's no winners in HIAC, just survivors. He says he's the survivor and Storm found out he's the game. His focus is not on Lance Storm or Chris Jericho, he wants to be WWE Champion again. Lance Storm walks up and says Hunter got lucky tonight, and his luck has run out. Test then big boots HHH out of nowhere as we go to break. Back from commercial we get hype for Velocity, sex sells...but who's buyin? We're shown Test blasting HHH with the announcers speculating why. Tazz says it was Test making up for kissing Stacy earlier. On to the next match.



Match 5

Chavo Guerrero Jr vs The Hurricane for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Tazz says he's got nothing to do with the notes as Hurricane makes his entrance. Bell's gone and Hurricane starts with an eye poke, ha! Hurricane drops Chavo with a shoulderblock and powerslam, covering for 1...2..no. Hurricane is sent into the corner and Chavo hits a back suplex. Tazz and Cole start babbling about Hulk Hogan movies and Wrestlemania 1, CLEARLY Vince is in their ears on that one. Chavo kicks Hurricane on the second rope and hits a dropkick as well. Chavo covers for 1...2...no. Cole continues to babble on about Hogan accomplishments as Chavo hits another dropkick. Chavo covers for 1....2..no. Now they're babbling about Hogan feuds from the 80's as Hurricane hits a flying clothesline. Hurricane rallies with right hands and hits a running neckbreaker. He covers for 1...2..no. Cole for the second time in the course of 3 minutes says Hogan will retire as Chavo hits Emerald Flowsion of all things, covering for 1...2..no. Hurricane calls for the chokeslam but Chav blocks it, sending him into the corner. Chavo's charge eats elbow and Hurricane hits the second rope Blockbuster. He covers for 1..2....3 to win the match. If you watched the match on mute, it would have been good. Otherwise that was painful.


Time of match: 2:56

Winner: Hurricane by pinfall (still Crusierweight Champion)



WWE cared so much about that last match we cut to Stacy and Vince McMahon himself as soon as the bell rang, didn't even wait for Hurricane to get his damn hand raised. Stacy says Test's kiss meant nothing and he was just fooling around in the ring. Vince says don't worry about it because Hulk Hogan's retirement means as much as the Gettysburg Address or President Bush's state of the union address. Great false equivalency but here comes Chris Jericho barging in to whine about facing Mark Henry. Jericho asks what Vince was thinking and Vince says this an opportunity for him to take a step forward in his legacy by beating the world's strongest man. Jericho "Can I beat the world's strongest man? What did he mean by calling me sweet britches?" Vince and Stacy are aghast as we go to break.

Back from break the "Slam of the Week" is referee Tim White getting thrown into the cell and Jericho hitting HHH with a chair during Hell in A Cell. Sadly that was the beginning of the end of Tim White's career as he suffered a massive separated shoulder injury for real. On to the next match.



Match 6

Mark Henry vs Chris Jericho

The kayfabe storyline is HHH looked like hot garbage against Lance Storm because of his injuries and Jericho won't be 100 percent in this one either. Bell's gone and Henry backs him into the ropes, only for Chris to kick him in the ribs. Jericho runs into a big boot and a big right hand. Mark yells at him to get up and Jericho crawls into the corner. Henry chops his chest and whips him to the opposite corner. Henry avalanches Jericho and punches him in the ribs. Henry heaves Jericho across the ring and Jericho is busted open just like HHH from earlier. Henry goes for the Vader Bomb but Jericho rolled out of the ring. Jericho dropkicks the knee of Henry but runs into a slam. Henry's charge in the corner eats boot but he catches Jericho in mid-air on a cross body attempt. He military presses Jericho and slams him down then sits on Jericho on the second rope. Outside the ring, Jericho sends him into the ring post and throws a chair in the ring. Henry sends Jericho in the ring post then slides inside. Henry grabs a chair of his own and brings it into the ring. Referee Mike Sparks grabs the chair and Jericho waffles Henry in the back with the chair he threw in earlier. Jericho covers for 1...2....3 to win the match. What was the point of that, that Jericho had to cheat to beat Mark Henry because he was too beat up? At least Lance Storm looked like he had no chance in hell to beat a healthy HHH because as a heel, that works. You could have had the exact same Henry/Jericho match with Jericho healthy and nothing would have changed. Oh well...the less said of it, the better.


Time of match: 3:17

Winner: Jericho by pinfall


A bloody Jericho walks off as Cole says to set your VCRs because Hogan is retiring when we come back from break. Back from break, its time. Hogan gets a huge pop during his entrance if you're watching the original broadcast. If you're watching the Network version, the horrible music overdub kills the crowd noise. Hogan says he loves the fans to start and says he was born Terry Bollea on August 11, 1953 in Augusta, Georgia. He was raised in Tampa, Florida and was the son of pipe layer Pete and housewife Ruth. His parents were working class people who worked their whole lives to provide for the family. Then 20 years ago he had the opportunity to get into the business....and this is where he's a little off because 20 years ago (1982) he was in the AWA. He's had a blast the last 20 years and had the time of his life, which starts a Hogan chant from the crowd. He says there's only one thing regrets and that his father isn't here since he passed away this past December. His father had his sixth stroke and only lit up when he saw Raw and Smackdown. One day his father got tired of it all, tore his trach tube out and told him "Terry, you need to go back to wrestling and straighten out your career" and "Terry, you need to go back to WWF (yes, Hulk said F). Hulk says here he is and he couldn't have done it without the fans. He thanks the fans and says there comes a time in every man's life when they have to step down. He brings up "You gotta know when to hold em, and know when to fold em." He says thanks for the memories and says he wants one last hope & dream, that Hulkamania will live forever. He thanks the fans as Voodoo Child hits on the original broadcast or the horrible Network song depending on what you're watching. 

He poses for the fans but No Chance hits. Vince McMahon hits the ring for a rebuttal and Tazz says they have a long history together. Vince mocks him saying "Say it ain't so." Vince sarcastically says the sky is falling and the world is coming to an end because Hogan is retiring. Vince then says its pathetic for Hulk to be retiring in "the rectum of" Tupelo, Mississippi of all places (which would be bizarre as hell if this was for real). Vince says "Hogan, read my lips. There's no chance in hell of you retiring." Vince says Hulk's not going to retire because 10 years ago he walked out on him, but not this time. He'll sue him and his family for everything they got if he breaches his signed contract. Vince says the only way Hulk leaves is when his body is decomposing in a pine box. Vince "I created Hulk Hogan" and he owns Hulkamania. (Neither are true) He says he owns Hogan until the day he dies. Hulk grabs Vince and says one day he may retire but it won't be until he kicks his ass. Hulk gets a massive pop for dropping Vince with a right hand. Hulk whips Vince with his weight lifting belt but here comes The Undertaker for the save. Taker pounds away in the corner and whips him into the other corner. Taker's charge eats elbow and Hulk drops him with an axehandle smash to the head. Hogan clotheslines Taker over the top to the floor as Cole says Hulkamania lives. Tazz whoops it up as Taker retreats with Vince, Hogan in the ring catering to the crowd. We sign off with Hogan standing tall.

So what the hell was the point of that? They spent the whole show hyping up Hogan's retirement to the point they ignored parts or the majority of whole matches only for Vince to say like hell you're retiring. I do like Hogan giving his true life story before going into the carny talk. If you honestly believe Pete Bollea near death ripped his trach tube out and told Hogan to go back to WWF, I got a bridge in Mongolia to sell you. Still, it put over the point that Hogan wanted to come back and have another run. I also like Vince bringing up Hogan leaving WWF in 1992 although I think he actually meant Hogan walking out in 1993 after holding the WWF title hostage until he dropped it to Yokozuna. So why the fake retirement? Unless we're getting Taker vs Hogan round 4 at King of The Ring, it was just a one night storyline to put over Vince and Hogan have kayfabe heat. Whoop de do, you didn't have to hype it up all night, you could have had Hogan do it with no warning. The rest of the show was just window dressing and hopefully this doesn't become a theme moving forward. Still, the first shows after a ppv are usually cucka so maybe next week will be better. The next show after this Friday night's Raw house show in Duluth, Minnesota. I'll see you there.