Welcome to another Monday Night RAWWWW. As the holidays in 1993 come to an end, we start gearing toward the next pay-per-view extravaganza the 1994 Royal Rumble. Before that happens, there's some business to take care of first. Months earlier Johnny Polo ruined a match between Marty Jannetty and 123 Kid and Marty finally gets Polo in the ring tonight. Unfortunately for Marty, tonight's guest hosts with Vince McMahon are the WWF Tag Team Champions, The Quebecers. The Quebecers laugh loudly in the opening intro with Pierre (in French) saying he's gonna get Lex Luger for putting him out of Survivor Series. Vince says who knows what's going to happen tonight as he sends us to our first match.
Match 1
Lex Luger vs Barry Horrowitz
Lex comes out smiling and Vince claims he's smiling because he body slammed Yokozuna again the previous week on Raw. Jacques says he won't be smiling this weekend on Superstars because they're booked for a 1 on 1 showdown. Jacques says it would be a surprise if Barry wins as Lex gets in a go-behind. Jacques and Pierre speak French to annoy Vince as Lex gets in an armdrag on Barry. Jacques asks why Lex and Bret Hart put so much oil on themselves. Vince says it makes them a little slippery to get out of certain holds. Lex poses for the crowd and Barry just lets him as Vince says Lex wants to be in the Royal Rumble. Barry gets the upperhand with several boots to the midsection but Luger whips him into a chest bump in the corner. Luger rolls him up for a deuce as Jacques mentions The Quebecers will be facing Bret and Owen Hart for the tag belts at the Rumble. Barry gets a thumb to the eye, a back rake and a European uppercut. Barry gets a jawbreaker in before forearming Lex in the side of the head. Barry taunts the crowd and punches Lex in the face. Vince says the Quebecers may not make it to the Rumble and Jacques counters its the Hart brothers you need to worry about staying intact. Barry rams Lex's head into his boot and goes to work in the corner. Barry chokes Lex in the corner with his foot as Jacques speaks French to annoy Vince again. Jacques says he speaks English, French and Spanish as Barry does shoulderblocks in the corner. Lex roars out of the corner with a clothesline before powerslamming Barry. Jacques asks why he looks at the crowd after every move as Lex sets up Barry for a superplex. Lex hits the superplex and covers for 1...2...3 to end the match. Jacques says that's not gonna happen with him and Vince hypes up their match this coming Saturday.
Time of match: 4:25
Winner: Lex Luger by pinfall
After the match Vince plugs the WWF Hotline and tells the fans at home to call Jack Tunney and tell him if Lex should or shouldn't be in the Rumble. Only 99 cents per minute so give them a call at 1-900-454-4WWF. Jacques says enough is enough and Vince switches gears to the main event of the evening, Marty Jannetty vs Johnny Polo. Vince with Jacques and Pierre laughing shows the October 25th Raw where Polo ruins the Kid and Jannetty's match. Polo on that Raw says he can beat both of them. After the montage is over we go to a live interview with Johnny. Vince "Johnny can you hear us?
Johnny "Of course I can hear you Mc-Moron, whataya want?" Johnny says he can take "Marty Confetti" and the "Snot Nosed Kid" and beat both of them like he did on October. Tonight Johnny says he's gonna beat Marty "Confetti" in the center of the ring. Vince says "Thank you Johnny Hobo" which causes Jacques to correct Vince while Polo tries not to laugh. (Boston market commercials are for Auto Zone, Vicks Formula 44 cough syrup, National Education Centers, a promo for USA Up All Night with Gilbert Gotfried and a promo for the movie Day of The Jackal)
Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following: Ico Pro (Razor Ramon lifting), Electronic Talking Battleship and Street Fighter 2 Championship Edition on SNES and Sega.
Match 2
Johnny Polo vs Marty Jannetty
Polo gives Howard Finkel bunny ears before going outside to hug Jacques and Pierre. Johnny also threatens to hit Vince with the polo stick. Jannetty enters wearing the green and black bodysuit with Polo in polo pants and striped singlet. Jacques and Pierre speak French to annoy Vince as the bell rings. Johnny backs off before getting in a go-behind to start. He hiptosses Marty as Jacques says he's the man. Marty and Johnny exchange wristlocks before running into an armdrag by Polo. Jacques says Marty is over the hill and did nothing since he split with Shawn Michaels....ouch. Marty tricks Polo into diving into the corner. Polo hops over the top rope onto the apron but Jannetty slingshots him back in. Marty delivers an atomic drop, ducks under a right hand and delivers a back suplex. Marty covers for a deuce as Jacques says Marty is good but Johnny was in Honolulu recently. Marty tilt-a-whirls into a sunset flip for a 1 count. Marty armdrags Johnny and works an armbar as Jacques says Marty has a black eye courtesy of Johnny. Marty goes for a bodypress but Polo ducks and Marty goes crashing over the top rope. Polo hits a plancha as Jacques claps for him. Polo looks at the camera and says "Polo fever...CATCH IT!" Jacques says "Polo Fever, Polomania." Johnny gets back in the ring as the crowd chants for Marty. Polo works Marty over on the apron but Marty slingshot presses onto Johnny for 1...2...nope. Polo snaps Marty over and works a chinlock. Vince taunts the Quebecers saying Marty will knock Polo out of action and the Harts win at the Rumble. Marty and Johnny both go for bodypresses but crash into each other. Vince asks if Jacques and Pierre were ever Arkansas State Troopers and Jacques has no idea what he's talking about and says concentrate on the match. Marty sends Polo chest first into the buckle and nails him with the flying back elbow. Polo puts his head down and Marty rams his head into the ground. Marty goes upstairs but Polo crotches him and goes for a superplex. Marty counters and front suplexes Marty down before hitting a bodypress for 1..2....NOOOOO. Jacques "Don't count your apples before they grow." Marty leapfrogs Polo and rolls him up for a two count and Jacques continues to annoy Vince with French. Polo kicks Marty in the head as Pierre gets up from the table. Jacques tells Vince to mind his business as Marty dropkicks Polo over the top rope to the floor. Pierre picks up Johnny and Marty baseball slides both men down. Jacques "That'll make him mad, shouldn't have done that." Jacques "Ou es Pierre?" He's right there you idiot! Pierre trips up Marty and he turns his attention to him. Polo goes to attack but Marty goes to counter with the superkick but Polo is too close so he grazes him in the stomach. Marty sidesteps and hits the real superkick and goes upstairs. Pierre pulls Johnny outside and Marty flies on top of Pierre and punches him. Polo goes back in the ring and Marty gets on the apron. Marty shoulderblocks Polo and goes for the sunset flip but Pierre assists Polo by grabbing on to him during the counter for 1...2....3 and its over. Johnny Polo needed a lot of help from Pierre but makes good on his pre-match prediction by beating Marty Jannetty. Jacques says they are the greatest and laughs about it. Vince says he's never seen anything like this as Polo walks away victorious as Pierre rejoins Jacques at the announce table.
Time of match: 8:23
Winner: Johnny Polo by pinfall
After the match, Marty complains to referee Joey Marella and goes to attack The Quebecers. Joey says the result is final but throws Pierre out of the arena. Marty grabs a chair and Vince tells him to take it easy. Marty and Jacques look to square off as Marella tells Pierre to hit the bricks. I don't think I've ever seen a referee throw out an announcer before or since. We cut to commercial as Vince says Pierre is gone. (Boston market commercials include Nyquil, Butterfinger, 1994 Mazda 626 and 1994 F-150 Ford) We're shown the vignette where Yokozuna dreams he's Santa Claus before we get the next match.
Match 3
Doink The Clown (with Dink) vs Spike Gray
Doink brings Dink to the ring in a wagon as Vince celebrates Pierre being gone and tells Jacques he'll be next if he doesn't behave. Vince says President Jack Tunney won't tolerate them and Jacques says Tunney should worry more about Lex Luger's loaded elbow. Dink offers Doink some chewing gum before the bell rings. Dink offers some to Spike but its a trap....har de har har. Jacques "Oh my godddddd." (Me: Hahahahahaha) Dink kicks Spike in the shins and Jacques says if Dink gets hit everyone will complain but he gets to go around kicking people. Vince calls Johnny Polo a joke and Jacques says it won't be a joke when Bam Bam Bigelow gets ahold of him. Dink climbs to the top rope and Spike goes to punch him but Dink counters by punching him in the nose. Doink hits a German suplex and bridges for 1..2...3 its over. Jacques says to go check on Pierre as Vince sends us to the Royal Rumble report.
Time of match: 1:04
Winner: Doink by pinfall
Todd Pettengill says Doink got Dink for Christmas but imagine if Dink got Doink a dog....ha ha ha. Todd says he welcomes The Quebecers...or just Jacques to Raw and says they're 3 weeks away from the 1994 Royal Rumble. He shills the Rumble match itself and runs down the list of who's in so far. Bret Hart, Crush, Kamala, Owen Hart, Doink The Clown, Mabel, Scott Steiner, Shawn Michaels. Diesel, Adam Bomb, Bam Bam Bigelow, Macho Man Randy Savage, 123 Kid, Fatu, Samu, Rick Steiner, Bob Backlund and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine making his official return. Todd says Lex Luger may or may not be entered and shills the WWF hotline again. Todd then shills the Casket Match between Undertaker and WWF champion Yokozuna, Razor Ramon and IRS battle for the Intercontinental title and The Hart Brothers take on The Quebecers for the WWF Tag Team titles. We cut to a promo of Bret and Owen and Bret says they've patched things up and are focused on beating the Quebecers. Owen says there's no problems anymore and they're taking the belts. Todd says this is his first ever title shot before sending it back to Vince and Jacques. Jacques says Owen and Bret are temporarily together because at the Rumble they'll try to outdo each other which will lead to their demise....talk about foreshadowing. Vince says Crush is up next in action as we go to commercial. (Boston market commercials include Ricola, Sonic Chaos for Game Gear, Whitewater Zest soap, the Sci-Fi Channel and a promo for Hush Little Baby). Back from commercial, Todd hypes up next week's main event as The Smoking Gunns vs Bam Bam Bigelow and Bastion Booger.
Match 4
Crush (with Mr. Fuji) vs Mike Moraldo
Jacques praises Crush on his way to the ring and Vince praises Macho Man Randy Savage's victory over Fatu on Raw. Crush kicks Moraldo and drops him with a chop as Jacques says the only reason their team lost at Survivor Series was Randy Savage sticking his nose in. Crush over head press slams Moraldo and the still shot of that would later be used on the cover of WWF Magazine. Crush bows to Fuji as Vince says Savage is coming for him. Crush punches Moraldo down as Vince says Randy is back with Todd Pettengill on WWF Mania. Crush does his Chong Li kick combination as Jacques refuses to say what Pierre got him for Christmas. Jacques says what's with Vince suing Star Magazine for 5 million and Vince says that's not him that's ED McMahon as Crush locks in the Cranium Crush. Vince says Moraldo is seeing stars as the ref calls for the bell. Vince "Crush defeating Mike Moraldo rather handily." Vince sends us to The Undertaker's workshop.
Time of match: 2:15
Winner: Crush by submission
We got to Undertaker's workshop where Paul Bearer makes Christmas puns on Mr. Fuji, Jim Cornette and Yokozuna. Undertaker "Soon Yokozuna, you too will be gift wrapped. Merry Christmas Yokozuna...ho....ho...hooooooo" It was a good touch to have Taker stalk Yokozuna like this rather than have them get in the ring and attack each other like you see now. We cut to commercial (Boston market commercials include Slim Jim, Vicks 44 Liquicaps, the pay-per-view channel, Hollywood Hair and Bret Hart telling us not to drink and drive) before we go back to Vince and Jacques. Vince sends us to the WWF Women's Championship tournament finals where Alundra Blayze beat Heidi Lee Morgan in the finals. We get the pre-match promos and highlights of the match itself from the previous week. It was nice to see the women's division get a reboot since it had been dormant for the previous 5 years. Vince says up next is Razor Ramon and we go to commercial one last time. (Boston market commercials include Dayquil, V8 Picante juice, a movie trailer for The Air Up There and Nyquil). When we return we get a vignette of Kwang doing martial arts, soon to make his debut. Why the world needed a Puerto Rican ninja we may never know. Time for the final match of the night as Razor Ramon makes his entrance in the purple trunks. Vince asks where the gold around Razor's neck went and Jacques says IRS is going to win at the Rumble.
Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following: WWF Royal Rumble for SNES and Sega, Electronic Talking Battleship and Mortal Kombat for Sega and SNES.
Match 5
WWF Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon vs Derek Domino
Jacques says Domino made a promise before the match that he'd deliver Razor Ramon in 30 minutes or less....ha ha ha. Domino works over the left arm but Razor takes him down. Jacques brings up how Shawn Michaels attacked Razor a few weeks prior on Raw. Domino chops Razor in the corner and Razor counters with chops of his own before sending Domino flying across the ring. Domino ducks a clothesline and catches Domino mid-air. Jacques and Vince babble on about Fidel Castro's daughter as Razor hits a top rope fallaway slam. Razor does his STF slaparound as Vince says the gold around Razor's neck is in IRS' briefcase. Vince hypes up a USA made for TV movie called Fallen Champ about the life of Mike Tyson and Jacques says Razor's would be Falling Chump. Razor locks in an abdominal stretch as Jacques calls it an Ab-Domino stretch. Vince says Domino will be going to Pizza Hut after because Razor is no Little Caesar...good lord. Razor looks at the crowd and Vince asks Jacques about Razor and Castro's daughter and Jacques says to ask Jack Tunney. Vince counters by saying Tunney is Canadian, what does he know? Razor plants Domino on the top rope and hits the back suplex. Jacques says his New Year's Resolution is too teach Pierre how to speak English. Razor calls for the Razor's Edge and hits it. Razor covers for 1..2...3 to end the match. Jacques says this was the best Raw ever and Happy New Year to all the Frenchmen.
Time of match: 3:52
Winner: Razor Ramon by pinfall
We end the show with Vince hyping up a tag match between The Smoking Gunns and Bam Bam Bigelow & Bastion Booger next week on Raw. Jacques says its gonna be a big one and Vince says Double J Jeff Jarrett will be in action as well as Yokozuna. Jacques says Johnny Polo will be the special guest host with Vince and Vince rolls his eyes before saying goodbye. Jacques flexes his bicep and we fade to black.
It seemed like this was another lackluster show with the Polo/Jannetty payoff but things were just beginning. For those scoring at home, this coming Saturday on Superstars will be the big Lex Luger vs Jacques showdown and next week on Raw is the tag match. That's how things were back then, one "main event" per show with a bunch of squash matches. You had to catch each show if you wanted to see the big matches but the catch 22 is you didn't miss much if you didn't. See you Saturday for Mania.
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