After the outstanding success that was WRESTLEMANIA shown on closed circuit television, Vince figured pay per views were the thing of the future, unfortunately his debut in 1985, WRESTLING CLASSIC ultimately bombed. This however would be his first real test, as for some peculiar reason he decided to show Wrestlemania in 3 separate venues across the country on a Monday Night. The first portion would be held in New York, the second in Chicago and the third in Los Angeles. Now with three venues, the announce team was spread thin so they had guest commentators. New York would be Vince McMahon himself and Susan St James, the wife of NBC head honcho Dick Ebersol (which broadcasted Saturday Night's Main Event). Chicago would be Mean Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon and Cathy Lee Crosby, the wife of Washington Redskins star QB Joe Theismann (who's leg was so badly mangled he couldn't even be in the battle royal). Los Angeles would be Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira....yes that Elvira. The Coliseum Video version opens with Mean Gene shilling the action for about 5 minutes until we get started. I should point out the original video is only 2 hours long while the Wrestlemania 97 Boxset version is 3 hours long. I’ll be doing the three hour version. Obviously the original Coliseum Video version had to drastically edit their stuff, I feel bad for the folks living around that time period.
APRIL 7, 1986
NEW YORK PORTION
NASSAU COLISEUM
UNIONDALE, NY
Commentators: Vince McMahon and Susan St James
After a beautiful rendition of America the Beautiful by Ray Charles we are sent to an interview with Lou Duva, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and "Cowboy" Bob Orton. Duva hypes up Piper as a better heavyweight prospect than anyone else at the time....which actually isn't as farfetched as it seems, other than Mike Tyson and Trevor Berbick the division SUCKED in 1986. Anyway Piper cuts a promo in a very high pitched voice saying if Mr T knocks him out, he'll retire from boxing, wrestling, tiddlywinks and dating girls. He also says you'll never see him paint himself black, four years after this at Wrestlemania he did the exact thing he said he'd never do. Anyway, on to Susan and Vince to get things rolling.
Match 1
"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs "The Magnificent" Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)
The storyline here was Orndorff had befriended Hogan since last Wrestlemania, and when Muraco and Bundy double-teamed Hogan prior to Wrestlemania, Orndorff vowed revenge for the Pearl Harbor job. The production for this event sucked so bad they had the pre-recorded comments played DURING THE MATCH as opposed to before. Paul and Don compare physiques as the bell sounds before a test of strength solves nothing. Orndorff works a headlock before running into a scoop slam by Muraco. Orndorff counters with a nip-up and a slam of his own then makes fun of Mr Fuji (with the derby hat) in a racist manner before giving him the arm and the elbow much to the crowd's delight. Muraco knees Orndorff in the corner but Paul reverses a whip and hits a backdrop/armdrag combo before applying an arm-bar. Muraco walks on the second rope to armdrag Orndorff but Paul holds on. Muraco's sweating profusely even though the match is about two minutes into it. Orndorff continues to work over the left arm and shoulder as Vince says this is the first time they've ever wrestled....hmm. Susan says Orndorff is applying ancient Chinese torture techniques....um, yeah. Muraco counters with a samoan drop and a right hand then rams Paul into the top turnbuckle. Orndorff ralies before they both slowly topple to the floor. They beat each other on the outside until the ref counts to 10 and the match is over. The crowd is PISSED at the double-countout and chant "bullshit", Vince "The crowd certainly doesn't like the outcome of this!" Vince sends it to the ring for the official announcement which never comes, so he goes to the back for an interview with Mr T and his entourage. Like I said in the Wrestlemania 1 editorial, you can't judge the first couple of Wrestlemanias by today's standards because that's unfair. Having Muraco and Orndorff battle to a draw was to set up house show matches between the two whereas today there would be a decisive winner.
Time of Match: 4:34
Winner: No one: Double count-out
Mr T along with boxing legend Smokin Joe Frazier and midget legend Haiti Kid rants and for whatever reason, the cameras are filming this as Howard Finkel is announcing the results of the previous match. Told you the production values for this were non-existent. Mr T says he's gonna beat the crap out of Piper. Anyway on to the next match....
Match 2
George "The Animal" Steele vs "Macho Man" Randy Savage (with Elizabeth) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
The storyline here was actually enjoyable and fun to watch play out. Randy Savage was the cocky heel champion who treated Elizabeth like dirt, George Steele was everyone's favorite clumsy beast who had the hots for Elizabeth. Steele was actually a high school teacher in Michigan so he used to wrestle in the 60's and 70's only in the summer, and with no Dave Meltzer and national syndication around back then no one in his home town would ever know his true identity. Anyway, like I said before I ran off track, Steele had a crush on Elizabeth so Savage didn't take too kindly to that, so we have this match for the IC title recently won by Savage at the Boston 'Gahden' over Tito Santana. Savage enters to his famous theme song as a pre-recorded comment saying he's Macho Madness and he's gonna win, ohhh yeah. Susan wants George to win because of the way Randy treats Elizabeth and will openly root for The Animal the whole match. Steele Animal Taunts (raises his arm over his head and chases his opponent) Savage to the floor with great speed considering George was nine days away from his 49th birthday. Savage gets back in and tries to psych out Steele....yeah right, like THAT'S gonna work. Savage goes outside, grabs a chair and swings it in George's direction before getting back in. George and Savage plays a game of cat and mouse before George catches him and bites him on the calf. Susan "Allright George, eat his leg!" Savage hobbles around the ring before hitting a running knee, knocking Steele in the corner. Steele does a baldo bomb (!!!) to Savage before taunting the Macho Man. George sticks his body haflway through the ropes to say hi to Elizabeth so Savage spins him behind, getting the animal tied up in the ropes. BRILLIANT! Savage puts the boots to Steele before he's untied. Savage goes upstairs and hits a very sloppy looking bodypress for 1...2....nope, Steele press slams him through the ropes to the outside. Steele punches away at Randy inside the ring then throws him through the ropes to the outside. Savage then crawls underneath the ring, re-appears on the other side, gets in and delivers a high knee to the back of the confused Animal. Savage goes for a clothesline but Steele catches him and bites the arm. In a comical spot, Savage goes to grab the hair...cept there isn't any on Steele's head, just all over his body as told by McMahon. Steele hammers away on Savage in the corner before Randy goes outside and grabs a bouquet of flowers. He hits Steele with the flowers but Steele again bites him on the arm. George grabs the flowers and shove them into Randy's face then whacks him a bunch of times with them. Steele whips him in the corner but then goes for his trademark turnbuckle snack. Steele rips open the top turnbuckle with his teeth then attacks Savage with the stuffing inside. Steele grabs another handful and shoves it in his face, Vince "Here's another swallow coming up!". George grabs a third handful and rakes the eyes with it as Vince makes note the ref is letting a lot of this stuff go. Steele chases Savage outside again but Savage leads George over to Elizabeth, where the dumb animal trys to court her. Savage uses it to his advantage as he climbs to the top and hits the double axe-handle to the floor. Back inside Savage scoop slams Steele as Susan makes a great point how Randy uses Elizabeth to his advantage. Savage goes upstairs and hits the flying elbow drop and covers for 1....2...nope, Steele kicks out at 2. Steele grabs Randy by the nose, Vince "The Animal with a handful of face, what's he gonna do with it?" before throwing him into the corner. Steele charges but the ref stops him, so Steele shoves him out of the way only to be tripped up by Savage who Flair pins for 1....2...3 its over. Savage was bitten, attacked with flowers and turnbuckle stuffing yet is still the Intercontinental Champion. George eats another turnbuckle as a consolation prize. Well....in terms of catch as catch can the match didn't deliver but in terms of entertaining, definitely enjoyable to watch over and over again. George attacks the ref with the stuffing and chases him out of the ring as George Wells enters the ring.
Time of match: 7:07
Winner: Randy Savage by pinfall
We go to Mean Gene Okerlund over in Chicago to kill some time as the turnbuckles are replaced, which begs the question why that match wasn't shown last before the boxing fight? Anyway Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons gets in Big John Studd's face and calls him the dud as Studd squashes a football and say he's gonna do the same to Bill. Studd "I'm gonna get Perry and I'm gonna get you punk!" Gene tries to restore order as we are sent back to Vince and Susan. Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes and she says maybe Jake will lose so we don't have to see Damien....all good in theory.
Match 3
George Wells vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts (with Damien)
Here's an interesting pair-off. George Wells was football and wrestling star for New Mexico State before being drafted by Tom Landry and the Cowboys in 1971. Although he didn't really make in in the NFL, he became a star in the Canadian League in the 1970's before becoming a mainstay in Stu Hart's Stampede Wrestling. Wells actually was more much accomplished as a wrestler than meets the eye as he travelled to Mid-Atlantic, Central States and even the occasional Japanese tour well before coming to the WWF. Wells was 39 years old at the time and he's going up against hot new star Jake "The Snake" Roberts so we know who's going over. By the way, this is also Jake’s Coliseum Video debut. Jake enters without music and George attacks him immediately, wasting no time. George rallies with right hands and a backdrop on the stunned snake. George goes to town with forearm uppcuts before Jake hits a knee to the gut and throws him outside. Jake slithers outside where Wells cuts him off with right hands again before rolling him inside. George ducks under a leapfrog and blasts Jake with a flying shoulder tackle, shades of his CFL days as mentioned by McMahon. George looks a little like Tony Atlas only shorter with a gut, so when he headbutts Jake I actually thought it was Tony for a second. George whips Jake into the corner and hits a flying head scissors as Jake calls for time-out. Wells scoop slams Roberts as Vince mentions George has gained about 30 lbs in the last 6 months.....uh oh, getting old sucks doesn't it. George does a knee lift that Jake sells by almost flopping out of the ring. George sends him off and powerslams him for 1..2...nope, gotta hook the leg! Jake rakes the eyes then slithers out of the ring again as Wells chases. Jake slithers into the ring and does a knee lift to George as he enters the ring. BRILLIANT! Jake taunts the crowd and delivers the D.....D....T to George then covers for 1....2....3 and its over. Sheesh, this looked to be a jobber match for Wells until Roberts hit the DDT, just to show how deadly the move was considered back then. After the match, Jake lets Damien out and sicks him on George, who proceeds to foam at the mouth after Damien synches in on the neck. Susan is visibly grossed out as is everyone watching on ppv before Jake notices George is legit choking so he removes the snake and taunts the crowd. Susan says George blew his chance to win the match early on as Vince says Roberts is still undefeated. We go back to the replay which shows George rolling into the DDT which is HIGHLY dangerous. What a shame George Wells had a great CFL career and a dozen or so years in the wrestling business yet will only be remembered for frothing at the mouth at Wrestlemania 2.
Time of match: 3:06
Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall
The next segment is Susan and Vince discussing what we just saw then going to a highlight package of the Piper/T feud. Mr T had been at it with Piper since the first Wrestlemania a year earlier and things escalated after Mr T beat Bob Orton in a boxing match. Piper...a legitimate boxer before his wrestling days took exception to this and challenged T to a fight at Wrestlemania. We then go to Jesse Ventura over in LA with an interview with Hulk Hogan. Hogan plays off his rib injury saying it won't matter and he'll beat Bundy then says T is going to beat Piper as Ventura scoffs. Lets go to Howard Finkel to get to the main event of the New York portion. I should point out that the Piper interview from earlier on this version is shown here on the Coliseum Video version. They may have edited out an hour worth of footage but at least they edited the interview in at the right spot.
Boxing Match
Mr T (With Haiti Kid and Joe Frazier) vs "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (with Lou Duva and Bob Orton)
Now here's an oddity, rather than have them wrestle (which Piper would have dominated) someone figured to get Mr T involved by digging to his Clubber Lang roots in a boxing showdown with the Rowdy one. Only problem was Roddy was a former New York golden gloves fighter so Mr T is STILL overmatched. The guest ring announcer is motormouth actress Joan Rivers. The guest judges are NBA star Darryl Dawkins (who plays for the Nets so half the crowd boo's and the other cheers, heh), Watergate scandal felon G Gordon Liddy and actor Cab Calloway. The guest timekeeper is none other than Herb The Nerd of the old Burger King "Where's Herb" commercials. Vince says Mr T is the more experienced fighter which had to be said or else it would give away Piper's background, which was a big no-no in 1986 WWF world. There will be 10 rounds 3 minutes apiece and Piper completely ignores the referee's instructions and insults Mr T the whole way. Bell rings and the fight's underway....Piper controls early with the jabs and T just backs up. Piper hadn't boxed in years and T is not really a fighter so this looks sloppy. Piper could knock T out in 3 seconds but he's carrying him to entertain the crowd. Mr T just kept backing Piper in the corner and its a mess at the end of the round. Joe Frazier grabs a hold of Lou Duva as the seconds try to pry the fighters apart. The second round begins as the crowd begins to boo the proceedings because the referee stops the fight to wipe sweat off Piper's face. Piper continues to control with the jab and right hooks as T covers up. T fights back with sloppy looking hooks and jabs so Piper just stands there. Piper again controls with the jab and fires away in the corner with right hooks before Mr T attempts to rally. Piper blasts with right hook after right hook and then T goes down. T utitlizes the standing 8 count before Piper closes in at the end of the round and knocks him down as the bell rings, guess you can't be saved by the bell in any round. Piper's just kicking the crap out of Mr T so to save face they have Bob Orton throw a bucket of water in Mr T's corner. The 3rd round begins and Mr T is obviously winded so Piper continues the rope-a-dope before T sneaks a nice uppercut in. T plods away at Piper with body punches in the corner and Piper actually goes down from a few blows. Piper gets up the count of 8 so its 2 knockdowns to 1 in favor of Piper. T continues to press advantage. T punches Piper with a right cross and Piper sells it by falling through the ropes to the outside....that was staged, it barely touched him. Piper crawls back in to beat the count as the 3 knockdown rule is in effect so one more and Piper's done. Nothing else happens the rest of the round and the bell rings, then Susan St James blows the ending saying Piper might try something unsavory in this round. Piper throws the stand at Mr T and almost takes his leg out. They exchange right hooks in the center of the ring and at this point its all staged as there's no way these guys should be keeping their arms low after 4 knockdowns. They knock each other's mouthpieces out before they cram into the corner. Piper shoves the ref down then scoop slams Mr T, so much for boxing. The ref calls for the bell and a pier 6 brawl erupts in the ring. Lou Duva and Joe Frazier wrestle each other before Joe moves over to Orton. The ref raises Mr T's hand in victory before Piper jumps on him....gawd just end this mess will ya? That was so staged at the end, but anway that's it for New York so lets send it to Chicago and Gorilla Monsoon. Any boxing fan would find this absurd but this was wrestling, most wrestling fans wouldn't have cared about the technical aspects. McMahon was trying to put on an entertaining show and figured this would have been better than a standard match. Oh well....say goodbye to Mr. T who wouldn't be called upon again until his Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
Time of match: 4th round
Winner: Mr T by DQ
CHICAGO PORTION
ROSEMONT HORIZON
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby
Gorilla says hello and hands the mic to Mean Gene who hypes the battle royal. Monsoon brings in Cathy Lee Crosby of That's Incredible fame to give her two cents before sending things to the ring announcer to begin our second portion of Wrestlemania 2
Match 5
Velvet McIntyre vs The Fabulous Moolah for the WWF Women's Championship
Moolah had won the Women's title from Wendi Richter back in November in the original screwjob (Spider Lady) and Velvet was next in line. Both were phenominal workers and that was remarkable considering Moolah would turn 63 later in the year, so let’s see how this turns out. There is a one hour time limit but I don't see this going THAT long. Moolah attacks Velvet at the bell although the ref got in her way at the beginning. Moolah takes her over with several hairgrab snap mares and a right hand. Not bad for a 62 year old I must say, Moolah levels Velvet with a clothesline but misses a second. Velvet delivers 2 one legged dropkicks and a back elbow smash. Velvet scoop slams Moolah and goes upstairs, but misses the splash. Moolah covers for 1...2....3...and its over....wow, Velvet's foot was on the bottom rope the whole time and nobody saw it. Not the ref, Monsoon, Cathy Lee, Mean Gene, the hot dog vendor or Chet Coppock the ring announcer. The match had a 60 minute time limit and it didn't even go 60 seconds, which was a shame considering the talent level of Velvet. Although Velvet would gain a measure of redemption at the inaugural Survivor Series a year later, this would be her first and only Wrestlemania appearance unfortunately. That was way too short but it was good while it lasted, Chet Coppock announces the winner as Monsoon goes to the replay where once again her feet are on the ropes but nobody sees it. Whoops! This would be the last women's match at Wrestlemania until Wrestlemania 10 not counting the mixed tag match at 6.
Time of Match: 59 seconds
Winner: Fabulous Moolah by pinfall (still Women's champion)
We go to the announce table as Mean Gene and Monsoon hype up the upcoming tag team title match and the battle royal. Cathy Lee says the football players have no chance of winning the battle royal, heh. Back to ringside for the next match.
Match 6
Corporal Kirchner vs Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Bladdie) in a Flag Match
This concept was stupid, the winner gets to raise the flag he represents.....so basically the next week on WWF All American Wrestling Nikolai Volkoff could come out with the Soviet and go back to normal? Whatever....if it wasn't for Classy Freddie Blassie I'd hit the fast forward button.....which I actually hit when Volkoff does his singing gig. Like I said on my WRESTLING CLASSIC review (in case you missed it) Sgt Slaugher bolted for the AWA they brought in Corporal Kirchner to basically be the face militant of the company. Kirchner was actually left off a lot of cards after Wrestlemania because he was so tough in and out of the ring, most of the guys in the back were legitimately afraid to work with him. Corporal enters to music which was unheard of at the time unless you were Hogan or Savage, heh. Monsoon reminds Cathy Lee how rotten Blassie is outside the ring as we get started. Volkoff does his spinning kick to the mid-section and a knee lift. Volkoff throws Kirchner outside and rams him into the ringpost, then bites him Freddie Blassie style. Even ol Freddie has a smile on his face when Volkoff sinks the teeth into Kirchner. Volkoff rams him into the ringpost again then rolls back inside as Freddie taunts Corporal by saying "Get in there ya yellow belly!" Kirchner is busted wide open but he rallies with right hands back inside and then forearms the referee halfway across the ring. Freddie Blassie trys to throws his cane to Nikolai but Kirchner intercepts it and waffles Nikolai with it, then covers. Rather than disqualify Kirchner for belting him in the head (maybe he was afraid of him too) he goes down to make the count 1....2....3 and Kirchner wins the flag match. Kirchner gets an unusually loud pop from the crowd, guess he must have been over in Chicago. Bad match but its always nice to see Freddie Blassie again....albeit this would be the last time on pay per view. This would also be the last appearance of Kirchner on a ppv for he was fired within the next year for failing a drug test. He ironically would become a huge star in Japan for becoming the Texas Chainsaw inspired Leatherface gimmick which he portrayed for at least 15 years. As for this match....blah, but at least it was short.
Time of match: 1:36
Winners: Corporal Kirchner by pinfall
We head to Chet Coppock who calls the next match the main event of the Chicago portion, proving that the main event doesn't have to be the last match on the card. Gene introduces the guest time keeper Clara Peller, who you may remember for being the old lady who says "Where's the Beef?" in the old Wendy's commercials. We get Herb the Nerd and now Clara Peller, using this logic that means Ronald McDonald will be the guest time-keeper for Hogan vs Bundy in LA, right? Anyway the special guest referees are Chicago Bears legend Dick Butkus and Cowboys legend Ed "Too Tall" Jones (who is booed because the Boys are in the NFC who the Bears face every year or so)
Match 7
20 Man Battle Royal
Guest commentator: "The Big Cat" Ernie Ladd
With the growing popularity of the NFL, Vince decided to cross-promote by having some of the NFL stars compete in a battle royal. Instead of just naming all 20 at once, I'll name them as they come out in order of Okerlund announces. The funny part was Cathy Lee Crosby was married to Joe Theismann at the time hence why she's apart of the show. The first entrant is announced from the Chicago Bears which gets a huge pop, only it fizzles because its not Perry but rather offensive tackle Jimbo Covert. Covert actually had a hell of a career opening holes for Walter Payton and Neal Anderson. Entrant two is the first WWF Triple Crown champion (Heavyweight, IC and Tag) Pedro Morales, who needs no introduction. The third entrant is former tag team champion and future African tribal warrior Tony Atlas. The 4th entrant is world strongest man Ted Arcidi...who was instrumental in Triple H and Chyna getting into the business. The 5th entrant is former Superbowl 12 mvp of the Dallas Cowboys, Harvey Martin. Martin had a great career as a defensive end and made Craig Morton's life a living hell in the Super Bowl 12. The 6th entrant is "Golden Boy" Dan Spivey....9 years before Waylon Mercy and 2 years before The Skyscrapers. Entrants 7, 8 and 9 are Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga and The Iron Sheik, who we all know of course. Entrant 10 is Ernie Holmes...the LEAST known member of the Steel Curtain of the 1970's Pittsburgh Steelers. Jack Lambert would have fit right in here but I'm just nitpicking. Entrants 11 and 12 are the Killer Bees, Jim Brunzell and B Brian Blair whom we know. Entrant 13 is Big John Studd and entrant 14 is his rival for the night, Bill Fralic. Fralic was the NFL rookie of the year as an offensive lineman, back when o-lineman were 275 lbs or less. Even in the early 90's he opened holes for Barry Sanders upon joining the awful Detroit Lions. Entrants 15 and 16 are Bret Hart and Jim Niedhart, The Hart Foundation, if you don't know them you're either insane or not a wrestling fan. Entrant 17 is none other than former Patriots tight-end Russ Francis, who's actually the son of Hawaiian wrestling promotor Edmund Francis. Entrant 18 is wrestling legend Bruno Sammartino coming out of semi-retirement to make one final Wrestlemania appearance. Entrant 19 is the star of the show, Chicago Bears beloved defensive tackle William "The Refrigerator" Perry. Entrant 20 is the favorite to win every battle royal he's ever in, Andre The Giant. The bell rings and half the ring tries to eliminate Fridge but his teammate Jimbo Covert makes the save. Harvey Martin puts Dan Spivey in a headlock which I find hilarious the way he does it. Covert tries to slam King Tonga out but Fralic comes from behind and dumps them both. Ernie Ladd mistakes Dick Butkus for Mike Ditka, which I shouldn't laugh at because I did the same once. Ernie Ladd himself was really the first NFL superstar to cross over into being a successful wrestler unless you think Wahoo McDaniel was the better NFL star for the Dolphins. John Studd and Andre go at it for old times sake as Bret Hart and Jim Brunzell tie up. Sammartino lifts Ernie Holmes and dumps him out so we're down 2 football players early. Andre headbutts Russ Francis to the ground then goes at it with Studd again. Andre tries to eliminate Fralic as The Hart Foundation team up and get rid of Jim Brunzell. Brian Blair attacks Bret in retaliation. The crowd erupts when The Fridge slams Tony Atlas over the top and out showing who the crowd wants to see. The Bears had beaten New England Patriots 46-10 in Superbowl 20 so the Bears were HUGE in Chicago as you can imagine. Anyway back to action, Pedro Morales and Bill Fralic tie up as Perry tries his luck with Big John Studd. Fralic and Martin team up to try to get rid of Andre to no avail. Brian Blair tries to get rid of Iron Shiek as The Hart Foundation catches a breather in the corner. Bill Fralic and Bret Hart try to get rid of Ted Arcidi when all of a sudden Harvey Martin and Pedro Morales topple over the top together. Ted Arcidi tries to press slam Blair out but Hillbilly Jim and Dan Spivey make the save. Blair actually aids Jim and Dan in eliminating Arcidi as NFC rivals Fralic and Fridge go at it. Sheik backdrops Dan Spivey out then dumps Hillbilly Jim and Brian Blair out together. 9 guys left at this point and Fralic goes at it with the Hitman as Perry goes at it with Niedhart. Big John Studd and Iron Sheik team up and eliminate Bill Fralic, thus making his pre-match prediction a washout as Studd gets the last laugh. Sheik hammers away at Bruno before Sammartino backdrops him over the top and out. Bruno then tries to dump Studd out in the corner as Francis goes at it with Andre while The Hart Foundation have Perry tied up in the corner. Studd throws Bruno over the top and out and we're down to six men. Fridge is hiptossed by the Foundation but Perry hops up and shoulder tackles Bret and Niedhart halfway out of the ring. one of my favorite spots in the entire show. Bret sold it like he got hit with a cannonball, just to show how over Fridge was. Perry and Studd face off in the center of the ring and Perry shoulder tackles Studd in the corner. Perry goes for another tackle but is met with an elbow and is hiptossed over the top and out. The crowd is LIVID and actually begin to pelt Studd with garbage inside the ring. Perry extends a handshake and Studd stupidly goes for it so Fridge pulls Studd over the top and out to a huge pop. Ladd on commentary says Studd was too smart to fall for that. The final four is Russ Franics....the lightest football player of the whole group, Bret, Niedhart and Andre. Too Tall and Butkus have to break Studd and Perry apart before the camera pans back inside where Francis teams up with Andre to go against the Harts. The Foundation double dropkicks Andre into his top rope tie-up spot leaving Francis by himself. Francis tries to fend off the two but is overpowered and eliminated. Andre unties himself and is worked over by Bret and Jim in the corner. Bret slingshots Niedhart into Andre and try to dump him but can't. Niedhart himself actually had a cup of coffee with the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders during pre-season games but ultimately winded up in Calgary, where the rest is history. Niedhart goes to slingshot Bret but Andre gets his boot up and Bret crashes to the mat. Andre grabs Niedhart by the goatee, sends him off the ropes and big boots him over the top and out. Niedhart was actually in the center of the ring so he actually had to walk over to the ropes and eliminate himself. Down to 1 on 1 Bret goes upstairs only to be caught by Andre and press-slammed over the top onto Niedhart by Andre to win the match. Was there any doubt Andre was going to win? Pretty short for a battle royal but fun for historical purposes and football buffs.
Time of match: 9:08
Winner: Andre the Giant
We go back to Vince and Susan in New York who interviews "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. He rips on Mr T and William Perry and calls them cheaters while saying again he'd never paint himself black....watch WRESTLEMANIA 6 and see how that turns out. Susan chimes in and calls him a coward before Piper just goes off on Mr T with borderline racist comments. Back to Chicago, Mean Gene interviews Jimbo Covert who claims Fralic cheated by sneaking up from behind......which is to ridiculous. If this was to hype up a rivalry between the two, it was pointless because both were offensive lineman meaning they'd never see each other when the Bears played the Falcons. Iron Sheik comes in who says "Gene Mean" again then talks in farci, confusing Okerlund then saying Iran Numba Vun! On to the tag match....
Match 8
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid) with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs The Dream Team (Greg Vallentine and Brutus Beefcake) with Johnny V for the WWF Tag Team Championship
Hey its Ozzy Osbourne with the poofy hair....and wearing all pink to boot! The Dream Team had beaten The US Express for the belts back in August of 85 so they've had a long reign indeed. Bulldogs enter to Rule Britania and Albano leading the way. They take forever to start before Davey Boy starts out with Vallentine. They trade blows in the center before Vallentine begs off in the corner. Davey Boy runs into a hiptoss as Okerlund says the Bulldogs have been chasing the tag belts for quite some time. Davey makes the tag to Dynamite who works over the hammer, who flops in the middle of the ring. Dynamite bowls Hammer over and delivers his snap suplex then makes the tag to Davey Boy. Davey does his delayed suplex for 1...2...nope, got the shoulder up. The Bulldogs have done both their trademark suplexes so Vallentine bails to the outside and regroups with Johnny V. Vallentine gets the advantage backs inside and makes the tag to Beefcake who works over the arm ringer, until he's press slammed by Davey Boy. Dynamite tags in and clotheslines Beefcake down for a near fall, A small package gets a near fall as Davey tags in who does A PERFECT PLEX for 1...2...nope. Beefcake leads Davey into the corner where Vallentine hot tags in with an off the top rope forearm to the back. Vallentine executes a snap suplex for a near-fall and locks in a rest hold as Okerlund says Cathy Lee is too young (a spry 41 at the time) to remember Johnny Vallentine. Dynamite Kid tags in and they trade blows in the center of the ring before Kid takes advantage. Kid shoulderblocks Vallentine in the corner then tags in Davey Boy, double shoulderblock and down goes Greg. Beefcake interferes for no apparent reason other than to give Greg the upperhand, and it doesn't work as Kid sunset flips Vallentine for 1...2..negative. Dynamite delivers a side backbreaker but Beefcake makes the save as Gene makes a hillarious comment. Gene "Ozzy Osbourne looks like he's shaking outside the ring" I don't even want to try to figure out the ammount of drugs he was on at the time so Gene dropping that line is just awesome. Vallentine reverse tombstone piledrives Dynamie for 1...2....nooo, Kid kicks out. Dynamite knees Vallentine in the nuts then press slams him off the top rope when Vallentine goes up there. He makes the cover and Davey tackles an interfering Beefcake, but The Hammer kicks out at 2. Davey goes to press slam Dynamite onto Vallentine but Greg rolls out the way. Davey tags in and hits the running powerslam for 1..2....NOOOO, Vallentine kicked out of the finisher. Davey delivers a snap suplex for a 2 count but Vallentine sends Davey shoulder first into the ring post, ouch. Vallentine stomps away at the injured shoulder before Beefcake tags in to pick up where Greg left off. Bulldog goes for the diamond cutter but Beefcake counters by throwing him, wow. Hammer tags back in and delivers a shoulderbreaker for 1..2....Vallentine pulls him up at 2. Dynamite goes upstairs for some reason and Davey sends Vallentine crashing skull first into him. Dynamite falls off the top like King Kong while Vallentine flops in the ring, the cover by Davey gets 1....2....THREE AND WE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Wow, the crowd did not see that as the finish at all. Mean Gene, Captain Lou or the popcorn guy in the 4th row can't believe it either. Ozzy and Albano get in the ring and hold up the tag belts, now THERE'S a tag team for you. Cathy Lee Crosby gets in the ring as Davey goes outside to scoop up Dynamite. Okerlund hits ringside and interviews Albano who cuts a crazy promo then over to Ozzy who says "BRITISH BULLDOGS FOREVERRRRR" heh. The camera pans Davey and Dynamite outside and Kid looks completely out of it, must have been a harder fall than it looked. Davey staggers in the ring and says he's gonna stay in the US....um, ok. Either way The Bulldogs are the new tag team champions ending the ninth month reign of The Dream Team.
Time of match: 12:01
Winner: British Bulldogs by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)
Back to Susan and Vince who hype what we just saw including the upcoming cage match between Hogan and Bundy. Vince speculates if Bobby Heenan will be a factor...are you kidding me? Vince sends things to Jesse with the beautiful Elvira and not beautiful Lord Alfred.
LOS ANGELES PORTION
L.A. SPORTS ARENA
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
Commentators: Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira
Jesse opens things up next to Elvira and Alfred, call me crazy but I'd rather much see Ventura and Elvira, makes a very flamboyant couple. Elvira seems into it as Ventura runs down the remaining four matches. Anyway lets get on with the final four so to speak.
Match 9
Hercules Hernandez vs Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
Hercules was a newcomer heel supposedly managed by Freddie Blassie but since Fred was in Chicago, Herc will face Steamboat alone. The ring announcer is none other than Lee Marshall of AWA and WCW fame. Hercules wastes no time and attacks Steamboat at the bell with clubbing forearms to the back. Herc rams Steamboat into the top turnbuckle but Steamboat rallies with slides and a big chop to the chest. Steamboat executes a series of arm drags then applies an arm bar. Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder for about a minute before Hercules sends him off the ropes, but then Steamboat flips over and delivers a crescent kick to the chest. He's way too fast for Hercules both kayfabe and in real life, Herc can't keep up with this pace. Once again Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder of Hercules as even Ventura says that Herc can't keep up this pace. Hercules gets to his feet and delivers an uppercut to the chest as Elvira says Steamboat looks like a wimp with the red scarf dangling from his knee. Steamboat's anything but a wimp and he continues to take it to Hercules with chops, 2 leapfrogs and a back elbow smash that surprises Elvira. Ricky executes a beautiful snap suplex then continues to work over the left arm. Ventura says Herc better start moving and right on cue, Herc throws Steamboat in the corner then clotheslines him down. Herc slows the match down with boots to the side of the head as Elvira says The Dragon is hot. Ricky runs off the ropes but Herc catches him and falls backwards, hotshotting Steamboat off the top rope......now that was good. Steamboat rallies with chops an goes for a bodyslam but can't hold him, Herc falls on top for a nearfall. Hercules methodically stalks the Dragon and rams him head first into the top turnbuckle. Herc catches Steamboat with a back elbow smash as Hays and Ventura hype up the remaining 3 matches. Herc dropes a series of elbows then poses for the irate crowd as Ventura scoffs for not going for the cover. Herc eventually makes the cover but Dragon kicks out at 2. Steamboat rallies with a series of chops but Hercules quels the momentum with a sloppy clothesline then covers for 1....2...nope, Steamboat covers. Hercules executes an overhead press slam as Ventura tells Elvira you're suppose to hook a leg when covering....like she's supposed to know or care? Hercules delivers another press slam then taunts the crowd again, bad idea. Hercules goes upstairs for a splash but Ricky gets the knees up in time. Ricky goes upstairs himself and delivers the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1....2....3 and its over. Steamboat wins it clean although Ventura says it was a fast count...wtf? Ted Dibiase once claimed on the Ultimate Warrior's dvd that if Hercules didn't have someone to lead him then he couldn't have a good match, well he had Steamboat with him and he still messed up here and there. Anyway, Steamboat improves to 2-0 at Wrestlemania and we're off and running in LA.
Time of match: 8:32
Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall
There is no segment, on to the next match.
Match 10
Uncle Elmer vs "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
Uncle Elmer was a hillbilly gimmick not unlike Hillbilly Jim, but Elmer was actually 49 year old ring veteran Stan Frazier at the end of his career. Meanwhile Adrian Adonis had gotten too big for his Street Thug gimmick from the 70's so a furious McMahon turned him into "Adorable" Adrian Adonis an openly gay wrestler. He changed his look from the New York Yankees ring jacket and black tights to a tent dress, dying his hair blond while caking his face with makeup. The whole thing was absurd but it got massive heat and Adonis was such a great bumper he made the gimmick work. Elmer enters to Don't Go Messin With a Country Boy as Elvira says Adrian Adonis is the ugliest man she's ever seen. The 6'8 Elmer chases Adonis out of the ring who hugs Jimmy Hart on the outside. Elmer catches Adonis with right hands upon entering the ring and whips Adonis into the corner where he Flair flips (at 300 lbs no less). Elmer clocks Adonis with a right hand and falls down from his own punch, the hell was that about? Adonis falls out of the ring and rips the ring apron completely off. Adonis climbs back in where another Elmer punch sends Adonis shoulder first through the ring post and outside on the timekeepers table, sheesh...he's making Elmer look like Hogan so far. Ventura says Adonis is getting his dress dirty as Elmer pulls Adonis on the apron where he rips the dress off, yuck. Elmer slingshots Adrian in the hard way then delivers a very slow belly bump which Adrian sells by flying over the top rope backwards, doing a reverse Andre spot, Elmer pounds away on Adonis before he gets himself loose and delivers a punch to the chest. Adonis boots Elmer then shimmies out of his torn dress as Elvira is grossed out. Elmer whips Adonis in the corner and delivers an avalanche, which causes Adonis to crumple to the mat. Elmer gives the sign for the leg drop but misses it completely. Adonis goes upstairs and delivers a flying forearm drop...again at 300 lbs no less. A cover gets 1...2....3 and Adrian wins it. Ventura "You might not like Adrian Adonis but when it comes to wrestling he's a very dangerous man." Adonis shimmies around the ring while putting the boots to the fallen Elmer. Under normal circumstances that match would have sucked but Adonis made it worth watching.
Time of match: 3:02
Winner: Adrian Adonis by pinfall
We then go to a pre-recorded interview with Alfred Hays who's with Hulk Hogan. Hogan calls him Awful Alfred (Ha!) and says he's not that hurt and he's gonna beat Bundy. Total Count: Dude - 0 Brother - 1 Jack - 0 Man - 3 so if you took the under you win. Back to ringside....
Match 11
The Funk Brothers (Terry and Hoss) with Jimmy Hart vs Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana
Hoss Funk? Would it have killed them to call him Dory Jr? Still though, Terry Funk in a WWF ring during the 1980's is well worth calling someone Hoss. The Funks enter first and Terry shoves ring announcer Lee Marshall halfway out of the ring for no reason....but it sure was funny. JYD and Santana enter to Grab Them Cakes and I notice Tito is wearing his red ring jacket from the first Wrestlemania, maybe he's hoping it brings him good luck. Ventura bitches about JYD's chain so Terry throws a chair into the ring, gotta love Terry folks. Hoss starts out with Junkyard Dog and Hoss gets the early advantage in the corner. Terry holds on to Hoss as he's being whipped so Terry falls into the ring. JYD throws Hoss into Terry then scoop slams them both, then Tito gets in the ring and throws Terry outside where the Funks regroup with Hart. Hoss gets back in but makes the tag to Terry as Santana tags in on the other side. Terry chops Santana on the rope then for some reason nearly falls over the top rope himself, then turns around where Santana clothesline him over the top and out....that was weird. Hoss gets in and Santana dropkicks him twice for his troubles, then Hoss and Terry once again regroup on the outside. Terry climbs in so Tito tags out to JYD where they do a boxing segment. JYD gets in a few right hands then rams Terry's head into the top turnbuckle 10 times. Terry staggers around and falls into the opposite corner where he rams his head into the turnbuckle 7 more times before finishing with a headbutt. JYD covers before Hoss interferes to break up the count, then JYD throws Terry over the top rope to the outside. After another regroup, Hoss tags in to do battle with the tagged in Santana. Hoss goes to work with european uppercuts until Satana leapfrogs over him and delivers the flying forearm. Santana covers and this one's over 1....2..NOOOO, Terry dives in the ring (literally) and breaks up the count. Tito mount punches Funk until he rolls out of the ring and back to his corner. Tito and Hoss do a criss cross segment until Terry delivers a knee to the back to stop that. Terry tags in and throws Tito over the top to the floor where Jimmy Hart puts the sneakers to him. JYD chases Hart away as Terry and Hoss kick at Santana from the ring apron like 2 Texas vultures circling their prey. Elvira complains about Jimmy Hart's megaphone as JYD rolls Tito back inside. Terry suplexes Santana then covers for a nearfall, then goes for another suplex but Tito counters it with a suplex of his own. Elvira notices the pulling on the tights during the suplex then says she hopes someone's tights are pulled down so we get a little x-rated action.......let's hope for her sake Hoss Funk and Junkyard Dog keep their tights on. Terry runs off the ropes and collides with Santana, but fortunately for Terry he falls into his own corner where Hoss tags in. Hoss delivers a double underarm suplex but the cover only gets 2 then he goes back to the european uppercuts. Elvira says Santana is hot and Jesse admonishes her for it, heh. Terry interferes and the Funks double clothesline Santana before Terry drops a leg. Funk covers 1...2....and no, Tito gets the shoulder up just in time. Terry goes for another leg drop but Santana moves and there's nobody home, ouch. Tito crawls around to get away from Funk and makes the hot tag to JYD, who comes in like a house of fire. He unloads on the Funks and does a double noggin knocker then clotheslines them both. Terry tries to strangle JYD with some wrist tape but Dog turns around and headbutts Terry then backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. JYD goes outside then headbutts Hoss into the guardrail then bodyslams Terry on top of the time keeper's table. Santana comes over and gets some shots in on Hoss for the hell of it. Terry climbs in the ring as JYD brings Hart up on the apron then punches him off...heh. JYD nails Hoss then executes a small package on Terry for 1....2...nope, Hoss breaks up the count. Santana gets in, takes Hoss down and applies the figure four for a bit then lets him go. As the ref is telling Tito to take a hike, Hart tosses Terry the megaphone who waffles JYD in the back of the head with it. JYD falls like a dead deer and Terry limps over then covers for 1....2....3 and its over. Terry is either legitimately injured or he's a terrific seller because he basically crawls out of the ring and falls to the cement. Cheap finish but The Funks win their first and only PPV match together and Santana begins a legendary Wrestlemania losing streak. It should be noted Dory "Hoss" Funk Jr would not make another WWF ppv appearance until the 1996 Royal Rumble while Terry didn't resurface until the 1997 Royal Rumble. Bad match but fun because of Terry Funk's antics, that's why he'll always be a draw in the business.
Time of match: 11:43
Winners: The Funk Brothers by pinfall
We are shown the cage being put together until we go to Mean Gene. In the background Hulk is lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim until we are shown highlights of Hogan beating the crap out of Magnificent Muraco until Bundy interferes and avalanches Hulkster a bunch of times. This sets up the main event, Hogan vs Bundy in a cage where Heenan or anyone else can't interfere. We get sent to Ventura who interviews Bundy and Heenan, he calls Bundy "beautiful" which is downright creepy. Bundy says he's gonna be the new champion and Heenan basically says the same thing only that Bundymania will run wild.
Match 12
King Kong Bundy (with Bobby "The Brain" Heenan) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match
Bundy in a cage, no DQ, Hogan's in deep trouble according to Heenan. The guest ring announcer is LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, the special guest timekeeper is Ricky Schroeder of Silver Spoons fame. The special guest referee is Robert Conrad which is just for show since referees do nothing in cage matches. Hulk climbs the cage and tears his shirt off as the crowd cheers. The bell starts as everyone but Bundy and Hogan exits the cage and here we go, the monster match of 86. Hogan and Bundy are both in standard gear. Bundy stalks Hogan before they trade blows in the center of the ring, where Hogan eventually wins out by driving Bundy into the cage with right hands. Hogan whips Bundy into the ropes and delivers the big boot....30 seconds into it. Hogan chokes Bundy in the corner with his own singlet then rams him head first into the cage. Hogan chops Bundy then clotheslines him in the corner before chopping him some more. Hogan whips him off then delivers a big elbow that staggers the big man but Bundy counters the face smash by attacking the injured ribs. King Kong stalks Hogan then kicks him square into the ribs then floors the champ with an elbow to the back of the head. Bundy works over the ribs then scoop slams him, then stomps away at the fallen Hulkster. Ventura is eating this up as Bundy calls for the door to open, he makes it halfway out before Hogan lunges for the leg and holds on to it. Bundy goes back inside and slams Hogan back first into the cage then goes to leave again. Hogan holds Bundy to stop him as Heenan screams for Bundy to get out of the cage. Bundy rips the tape off Hogan's ribs then strangles Hulk with it before tying him to the cage with it. Bundy makes his way for the foor but once again Hogan makes the save with a rake to the eyes. Hogan comes back with right hands then delivers a back elbow smash in the corner. Hulk throws Bundy head first into the cage as Bundy blades on camera. Hulk attacks the open wound of Bundy as Elvira screams at the sight of Kong busted open....ironic. Hulk rams Bundy's head into the cage again....and again....and again. Hulk climbs the cage then stands on Bundy before continuing to attack the open wound. Hulk calls for a slam but can't hold him up as Bundy falls ontop of Hogan. Bundy staggers around trying to find the door with Heenan on the outside trying to direct traffic, in the background you can see Hogan getting to his feet. Hogan walks over and strangles Bundy with the rib tape as noutorious Hogan basher Alfred Hays praises Hogan saying tit for tat. Elvira "Jealous you don't have your own cartoon show Jesse?" Ventura "Doooon't you get on my case Elvira!" Bundy whips Hogan into the corner and delivers the avalanche, Hogan crumples to the mat where Bundy does the big splash. King Kong rolls toward the door but Hogan stops him at the last second, diving at the legs just in time. Elvira "All that blood in the ring is making me hungry!".....riiiiight. Bundy sets up Hogan and delivers another avalanche, but Hulk no sells it (Hulk Up time). Hogan reverses an irish whip into the corner then POWERSLAMS the 450 pound King Kong Bundy to the loudest pop of the night. Even Ventura can't believe it as Hogan runs off the ropes and hits the big leg drop. Hogan climbs over the top of the cage where Heenan grabs a hold of the leg as Bundy makes his way behind Hogan to stop him, Hulk hammers Bundy until he falls to the center of the ring, Hulk then kicks Heenan off then drops to the floor to retain the title. Bundy falls out of the cage as Hogan chases Heenan into the cage. Ventura scoffs at Hogan trying to beat up a manager, Heenan tries to climb out the other side but Hogan stops him. Hulk punches Heenan then rams him face first into the cage before delivering an atopmic drop..sending Heenan crashing through the door and onto the cement floor. Tommy Lasorda announces Hogan the winner as he does his usual 5 minute posedown inside the ring. Not that bad all things considering, fitting ending to a bizarre ppv to begin with.
Time of match: 10:15
Winner: Hulk Hogan (still WWF Champion)
You know, people want to say WRESTLEMANIA 9 was the worst Wrestlemania ever....I'd have to say this comes close. Most of the matches were crash style and other than the Savage/Steele match there really wasn't anything truly noteworthy. Everything was rushed because of the venues and the short length of the matches didn't help either, it was just a mess. Luckily Vince learned his lesson and this would be the first and last time a ppv would be scheduled at different venues at the same time. Like I said on the first Wrestlemania editorial, judging this by 2020's standards would be stupid. Vince was trying anything he could to create buzz and was learning from his mistakes. It would take just one more year to get it right. All he needed was the right main event.
